According to the World Health Organization (WHO), one in six of us or 16% 0f the global population has either a visible or invisible disability. Many of the 16% are fortunate to have some form of healthcare, insurance or at best knowledge, yet so many others have nothing. I have lived with a visible disability for the past 52 years and have experienced health issues that have been addressed, or not, in at least five countries. Each time ableism, lack of empathy and communication have led to unfavorable outcomes.
While the poem below outlines my experiences I am brave enough to share this with others in an effort to voice feelings that have been trapped inside for so long.
Trust the nameless person in the starchy white coat
no warm introduction no solid strong handshake
no warm gaze as I breathe nervously.
Trust the nameless human who continues to avoid my gaze as my heart thumps loudly in my chest.
I cling to the hope that despite the lack of a warm introduction, solid strong handshake or warm gaze this Doctor will be different, will care or pretend to care, will have read my massive file where all my health history is documented.
But as if I am awoken from a deep sleep, or jolted by 1000 currents, I recoil into my shell, my sanctuary, my safety.
Wait for it… here come the same questions…the questions that are routinely asked before I can share what ails me…
“Are you depressed?
How much alcohol do you consume during the week?
Do you smoke?”
As I have no choice, I answer this nameless Doctor,
“Are you depressed? (Even if it was safe to admit this, should I?)
I answer with a voice quivering “No!”
“How much alcohol do you consume during the week?”, the Doctor questions irritably.
“Maybe 2- 4 glasses of wine or champagne in a month”, I whisper tentatively trying to avoid his gaze.
Do you smoke?” the Doctor’s voice suddenly thick, raspy – a smoker no doubt, as my nose captures a faint odor of stale tobacco.
I am forced to trust this nameless human being with my care and stifle my concerns, minimize my pain and answer these questions again…
