‘Should I call my ex to give me the closure I want?’
Ahhh breakups. They are never easy and can be one of the hardest things we go through.
Even if we initiated it, there’s a part of us that will mourn the end of a relationship. It can be a difficult transition to learn to let go and move on.
Whatever it is that you’re going through – it’s important to point out that your feelings are valid and you have every right to feel how you are at the moment.
It’s ok to be sad, hurt, angry, or confused. These are all-natural and valid emotions that come with a breakup.
However, there will come a time when you’re going to wonder if you should speak to your ex again, and it can honestly be a confusing decision to make.
Sometimes you feel like you’re moving on and just want to check in as a friend – other times, you didn’t get the closure you wanted so you’re stuck questioning what went wrong and wanting to talk it out.
From personal experience, calling an ex is a disastrous move to make. It can bring back a lot of old feelings and can even make the problems that led up to the breakup worse – so it’s important to just take some time for yourself first.
What you do is up to you, but before making any rash decisions – make sure that it’s something you want and not just a knee-jerk reaction.
Here are some reasons why you shouldn’t call your ex:
1) You’re not over the breakup:
If you still have lingering feelings of sadness and heartache, then it’s probably not the best time to call up your ex. You might think that talking with them may help you feel better, but in reality, it could just end up opening old wounds.
2) You’re looking for closure:
Your ex might not be willing to talk about the relationship and give you the closure you need. If that’s the case, then don’t put yourself through unnecessary heartache by trying. You will embarrass yourself and be back at square one. We have an entire article on how to move on without closure.
3) You want to get back together:
Respectfully, this isn’t a good reason to call. If you’re looking for a way to get your ex back, then it’s time to evaluate why the relationship ended in the first place and if it’s something that can actually be fixed. It’s best to do this in your own headspace rather than involving the other person.
If you feel like you have made a mistake and want to call your ex, then make sure that you’re doing it for healthy reasons and not out of desperation.
4) You want to be Friends:
It’s totally ok to call your ex and ask them how they’re doing if you’ve both moved on and have become friends. Sometimes it’s nice to just check in with someone who was once a part of your life, however, sometimes this can also be a slippery slope where things could get messy and emotions could start to stir up again.
5) You feel like you’re going to regret it:
This is a valid reason! If you have that gut feeling that calling your ex could end badly, then listen to it. It’s better to be on the side of caution than open up old wounds and get hurt all over again.
6) You keep checking in on them:
Checking in on your ex (social media, mutual friends, etc.) is not healthy. If you can’t control the habit of checking in on them every few minutes then it’s time to start learning how to let go. Your last concern should be whether or not you should call them if you haven’t learned how to live your life without creeping up to see what they are up to.
7) You feel lonely:
Breakups are hard and can leave you feeling isolated. While calling your ex might feel like a way to combat loneliness, it will also just make it worse in the long run. Instead of reaching out to them, why not reach out to friends or family for emotional support?
8) You realize there’s nothing to fix:
If you have an ex that has gone about his life as if nothing has happened and you are not sure if there is anything that can be resolved from the breakup, then it’s best to leave well enough alone. It will do more harm than good.
9) The breakup happened for a reason:
If you have analyzed and come to the conclusion that there was a good reason for your breakup, then think twice before picking up the phone. If you decide to call, it could be easy to fall back into old patterns of behavior and habits that led you two down a rocky road in the first place – so it’s important to evaluate if what you want is worth it.
10) He asked for space:
Finally, if your ex asked for space and time to think things through – then don’t call. Respect their wishes and give them the time they need to decide what’s best for them.
11) You feel happy & content the way your life is:
There is no need to disrupt the peace and contentment you have in your life. If you feel like you have moved on from the breakup, don’t open old wounds by calling your ex.
12) You feel like this is an impulse:
If you find yourself picking up the phone and wanting to call your ex out of impulse and without any real thought, then stop yourself. It’s best to take a few days or even weeks and really think about why you want to call them. If it doesn’t seem like a valid reason after giving it some time, then don’t do it.
13) You haven’t let it go yet:
If you feel like the breakup is still fresh in your mind and emotions, then it’s best to take some more time and let it go before calling. If you can’t seem to move on no matter how hard you try – seek out professional help. It could be beneficial for you in the long run.
If any of these have resonated with you, then it’s best not to call your ex unless you are ready for the consequences that come with it. Being in control of your emotions and keeping yourself from being hurt is important – so take some time away from them, practice self-care and love, and make sure that you’re ready before making any moves.
On the other hand, you may feel inclined to reach out for good reasons – Here are some reasons why you may want to call your ex:
1) You want to apologize for the way things ended:
If you feel like it’s necessary to apologize for how things ended, then do it. It could mean a lot to your ex and may even help both of you to move forward.
2) You’ve taken some time away from each other:
If it has been a while since the breakup and both of you have taken some time away from each other, then it could be ok to call. This way, you are both sure of your feelings and can talk things out more calmly.
3) Make peace with the past:
If you want to make peace with the past and have a cordial relationship, then it’s ok to try and call your ex. This way, both of you can be sure that you are on good terms and may even end up being friends.
4) You feel like you’ve healed:
If you feel like you’ve taken the time away to heal and want to reach out, then it could be ok. As long as your intentions are pure and both of you are ready for whatever comes next – then go ahead and make that call.
If you feel like you know you don’t want to call your ex but it’s hard to control yourself – Here are some tips:
1) Stay Busy:
Keeping yourself distracted and busy is one of the best ways to stop yourself from making the call. Find a hobby or activity that you enjoy doing, like painting or playing a sport – this way, you have something to focus on and won’t be thinking about your ex.
2) Avoid Triggers:
If there are certain things or memories that make you long for your ex, then it’s best to stay away from them. Avoid relationships, songs, and places that remind you of your ex – this will help to keep the temptation at bay.
3) Talk to a Friend:
Have a friend who knows the situation? Talk to them and share your feelings – this way, you’ll have a shoulder to lean on and someone who can help keep you in check.
4) Practice Self-Care:
Taking care of yourself is a great way to stop yourself from thinking about calling your ex. Get plenty of rest, eat healthy meals, exercise, meditate – anything that takes your mind off things.
5) Block Them:
If you’re still struggling to stay away, then it’s best to block them. This way, you won’t be tempted anymore and can focus on yourself instead.
6) Put Yourself First:
Always remember that your well-being and happiness should come first. Don’t let yourself be controlled by emotions – take a step back and make sure that what you’re doing is in your best interest.
Bottom Line
No matter what the reason may be for wanting to contact your ex, remember that everything happens for a reason. The universe takes people away from our lives that believe are no longer a good fit.
At the end of the day, it’s important to be sure that you are doing what is best for both parties.
Make sure that you take all the time you need and make a decision based on your current emotional state. It’s ok to call your ex if you think it would benefit both of you but remember: there is no guarantee that things will work out the way you planned.
So weigh all your options before making any decisions. If your gut feeling is telling you that it’s not a good idea, then listen to it and try to find better ways of dealing with the situation.
No matter what the outcome may be, make sure that you stay true to yourself and your values – this will give you peace of mind and clarity in the future.
