Divorce is hard. Surely most of us know this already. I knew this too. But I didn’t truly know it until I lived through it. Living through it is what inspired me to publish a book about my journey to growth and healing.
Several years ago I found myself at a turning point. My marriage was over, my life was upside down, my emotions were all over the place and I didn’t have a clue how to make sense of it all. So, I signed up for therapy. During one of my first few sessions and after explaining through sobs how everything in my life was twisted and dark, my therapist suggested I start writing out my feelings in a grief journal. Not knowing what he meant, I asked him to explain. He suggested that losing a longtime love is a lot like losing someone to death.
You suddenly have to learn to live without a part of you that is no longer there. You find yourself not only mourning the loss itself, but you are also grieving the what-ifs and the future. He explained that you go through all of the traditional stages of grief, and have to process them just as you would if a loved one died. He adivised that healing wouldn’t be quick or easy, but paying attention to my emotions would help me get through it. I followed his advice and every morning I started to write about everything I was feeling each day.
As a child, I loved writing both songs and poetry. Throughout the years, that hobby was pushed aside. Occasionally I would find myself typing up a new poem on my phone but had never taken it as seriously as I did as a child. I started noticing that the notes in my grief journal began evolving into short poems. The more painful the day was, the more I found myself writing. Before long, I began reading them and realized I could pinpoint which stage I was experiencing based on the five stages of grief my therapist outlined. This piqued my curiosity, so I began categorizing each poem.
Before long, I had an entire catalog of poems in each section. This led me to start reading old poems I had written out years before. What I was realizing is that the downfall of my relationship was written out right before my eyes. I had outlined the death of the relationship with each fight or issue throughout the years. I began to understand why we had ended up where we were and I started to heal. I wondered if friends of mine who had gone through similar situations might benefit from these poems, so I sent my work to them. After their encouragement and hearing how they related to my words, I began to think there might be a larger benefit to this collection I had put together.
And so, Dearly Divorced was created. There were many moments of doubt. Publishing the book seemed like a monumental task. But the more I healed from the process, the more I knew that publishing the book was necessary. I wanted others to read it and feel the healing and acceptance I had experienced. Releasing the book has been a labor of love, pain, healing, and growth.
My sincerest wish in sharing this book with the world is that whoever reads it is touched by the words, and can find a way to heal from their own experiences. Thank you to anyone who has given me the honor of sharing these words with them.
