Meet K.C. Nesbitt, an inspiring writer and poet who has navigated through the challenges of anxiety, therapy, and the end of her marriage while finding the courage to heal and love herself. In this interview, K.C. shares insights into her journey of heartbreak and self-discovery, the role of writing and poetry in her healing process, and her hopes for her poetry collection to resonate with readers experiencing similar struggles. She also discusses her upcoming projects and how readers can connect with her and explore her work online.
How did you navigate through the challenges of anxiety, therapy, and the end of your marriage while also finding the courage to heal and love yourself?
I had to remind myself, daily, that I was worthy of love and compassion, especially from myself. For me, this looked like small acts of kindness every single day like meditation, writing in my journal, making tea, going to a dance class, or sometimes on really low days I would sit on the couch and watch a comforting movie or TV show. I allowed myself to feel all the range of emotions I was feeling, things that were tucked away for way too long, like anger and betrayal, sadness and grief. I learned to not label them as good or bad, again through constant daily practice. This was my goal for A Way Through—to be completely honest and transparent about difficult emotions and how we self-sabotage by denying their existence. By not resisting my emotions and embodying them fully through poetry and dedication to my own healing, I was able to carve my own way through.
In your opinion, what role did writing and poetry play in your healing process?
This sounds cliché, but I don’t think I could have fully processed my emotions and limiting storylines without writing it down and fully embracing my whole self and my experiences through poetry. I personally enjoy physically writing with pen and paper in the mornings or whenever big feelings would well up and poetry gave me the space to release resistance I had towards what I was feeling. Acceptance is a concept that I deeply struggled with throughout my life, stemming from severe bullying I experienced throughout elementary school. I never thought that writing would allow me to dig deeper and uncover the roots of my detrimental self-talk and slowly reframe. I would recommend anyone to simply write whatever you are thinking or feeling for even 5 minutes a day and see what benefits it could have in your life too. I also take time to have a gratitude journal at the end of every day and that has helped me to focus on the things I love about my life and to not take them for granted.
What advice would you give to someone who is going through a similar journey of heartbreak and self-discovery?
Please, please, please reach out and talk to people. I would highly recommend a therapist if you have access to one, or even a loving friend or family member that you can be open and honest with. Pain propagates in loneliness, but is able to release when witnessed by another person. So many of us just want a kind soul to listen to our struggles and to feel not alone. Brené Brown is one of my favorite authors who writes about courage, shame, vulnerability, and empathy. Her podcasts and books are a wonderful place to start for people who have ever felt not enough or unworthy. Yung Pueblo is an amazing, articulate, powerful meditator and author—I would recommend any of his books for poignant lessons on life and healing, specifically “Clarity & Connection” really resonated with me while I was going through the divorce. A bonus, once you have found the strength to reach out for help and are in a better place, reach out to others and help them through tough times. If we propagate love and empathy to all living beings, the world will be a better place.
How do you hope your poetry collection will resonate with readers who are experiencing their own struggles and challenges?
I want every single person alive to know that their emotions are valid and should not be repressed, vilified, or shamed. We are all worthy of safety, peace, love, and connection. Dealing with pain and suffering is exhausting and the mind is all too eager to convince us that we are alone in our experiences—but we are not. This is my mission, to send love and connection to as many people as I can. The more honest we are as people and creators about the experiences of human existence, the greater connection we will have as individuals and collectively through increased empathy. There is so much research that when we are not able to process traumatic experiences, the body spends more time in the sympathetic nervous system (fight, flight, or freeze response) and this does severe damage to our physical and mental health over time. By providing an outlet for people, I hope that this book of poetry can help even one person feel not alone in their struggles and give them the space to free their own trapped emotions.
Can you share a poem from your collection that holds special meaning to you and explain why it’s significant?
The third poem in the collection, titled “How many times” is a retelling of my experience with an ex who had drinking problems and did not acknowledge it. It was my point of view picking them up from the hospital at 3am, drunk and angry, with my trust completely shattered. I can still remember the piercing look from the nurse who was taking care of them—a simultaneous look of pity and disgust that will stay with me. Writing this poem a few days after the event helped me to recognize that we had deeper issues to solve, but looking back I could tell my heart was done that night.
How many times
nights alone
now it’s all making sense
the night they left, out drinking
I had a bad pretense
I feared they wouldn’t come back
without too much on their breath
I told myself
you are too anxious
control yourself
smile and pretend
you are the trusting companion
the one his friends wished they had
who has no boundaries
who lets the boys have fun
through reckless abandonment
somehow socially accepted
alcoholics are not acknowledged
if they hold down steady jobs
if they don’t drink every day
if they pay their bills
if they keep up appearances
anxiety tamped down while you let them leave
early morning texts, alarms
picking them up at the hospital
not surprising at all
being the one who is on call
to hold shame in
while they yell drunken profanities
to see the nurse observe with disdain
and label me: a drunkard’s partner
how many times is this, hun
her eyes ask me,
how many times
how many times
how many…
how many until it’s too many
you are scared to protest
maybe they won’t come home again
if you only have yourself
there’s no one to feel stable next to
just you
only you
the drinking is painful
but being alone might be worse
your anxiety placates
be the one they want you to be
the one who accepts
the one who is patient, relaxed
the one who
doesn’t need assurance
calls or texts
or anything at all
you keep yourself
small
so you don’t have to answer
what your heart already knows
too many
…it has been too many
What’s next for you creatively or personally? Do you have any upcoming projects or goals?
I am working on a combined collection of art and poetry. I have found immense passion and self-discovery through art of all forms, and I would love to combine the oil pastel paintings that I’ve done along with poetry. The art and poetry often inspire each other, and I want to experiment with combining the two into a smaller collection, showcasing my growth as an artist and poet. You can follow me on threads and Instagram @k.c.nesbitt for details of any upcoming projects and for fun poetry posts.
Lastly, how can readers connect with you, purchase your book, or follow your journey online?
You can follow me on Threads and Instagram @k.c.nesbitt for daily poetry. My book is available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble in paperback and eBook. My website is www.kcnesbitt.com where you can find links to my socials, book, blog, and sign up for my newsletter to get longer form writing and news on any upcoming projects.
