In this inspiring interview, we delve into the remarkable journey of Jenn Kelly, a resilient survivor who has overcome immense challenges with unwavering strength and determination. From facing a traumatic attack to navigating the complexities of healing and finding empowerment, Jenn shares her deeply personal story of transformation. Through her candid reflections, she offers insights into forgiveness, the non-linear path to healing, and the profound bond she shares with her emotional support puppy, Blue. Join us as we explore Jenn's journey of triumph and resilience, and discover the invaluable lessons she has learned along the way.
What inspired you to share your journey of overcoming challenges and finding healing?
I think that as a survivor of violence, there’s something to be said about bearing witness to what happened to you. There is a regaining of power in the telling. So often violence comes with his sister shame, and survivors become part of this unspoken agreement to stay quiet. I think part of my journey to healing in all of this was realizing that my voice is one of the strongest parts about me and by sharing I can take my power back.
Could you elaborate on the most challenging moment you faced during your journey of rewriting your story?
The attack itself was the most challenging part really, not knowing the people who attacked me, not knowing the WHY. The sheer physical challenge of being hit over twenty times in the head while the other person holds you down so you are unable to defend yourself, extreme post concussion syndrome, an injury induced stutter, a years worth of bi-weekly physical/occupational/psychiatric therapy after. My doctor took my driver’s license away because of my cognitive impairments for about six months. Not feeling in control of my motor functions, my transportation, or even my own speech while facing a court case to prosecute one of the individuals involved in my attack. Not feeling attractive with the wounds I’d incurred, the list could go on and on. In a nutshell, being attacked and having absolutely no control of my life while trying to find legal justice and rebuild my broken self was the biggest challenge. The attack changed me, filled me with fear, stole my trust, my safety and the challenge was figuring who I was gonna be after that.
You mentioned raising an emotional support puppy as part of your healing process. Can you tell us more about that experience and how it impacted your journey?
Blue is my 1.5 year old Cane Corso Mastiff support dog. The Cane Corso is a breed of Italian mastiff that has one of the strongest dog bites in the world, rivaling that of a lion. This breed can be used in a support capacity, as they are hardwired for attentiveness. They have a reputation for undying loyalty. It was a combination of having experienced this breed through a very dear friend and wanting the toughest looking dog for a sense of security. I was consumed with making sure that this never happened to me again. I was lined up to rescue a different dog when I found Blue. She was seven weeks old and the people I rescued her from transported her to me in the trunk of their car. To give you a picture of the life she had before we found each other. Blue was in rough shape- abused and terrified of strangers. Same girl, very much same. In searching for a dog to protect me, I found one that NEEDED me to protect her. And that was the catalyst. The day we met Blue took a trust fall and from the moment I took her out of the trunk she hasn’t left my side. What I couldn’t do for myself, I could do for her. This was the breakthrough, this was me pushing myself to get us both outside, socializing her and pouring myself into giving her the sense of safety that she needed. By showing her that she could find a place in the world again, I could visualize my own. The managing doctor on my case previously suggested getting a support dog for my PTSD and Post Concussion Syndrome, and while I had gotten her from a protection standpoint her temperament, disposition, and unbridled loyalty to me made her an unexpected candidate. When I had/have a PTSD episode she provides tactile stimulation by licking my face, she knows to press her body on my chest to create a calming effect and overall gifting me the ministry of her presence. She is the best of her breed- loyal, observant and hardworking. Blue held me up during the worst panic attacks, the flashbacks, the visits to court to get justice and the inability to function and quite literally pulled me from the gates of hell. I owe her my life and now we are LIVING together. The turning point when I knew everything was going to be aright is when we went camping, just the two of us alone in the woods and there was no fear, we had each other. I would NEVER have attempted backwoods camping alone prior to the attack. The forest is a lot like life in that survival is not guaranteed but done best on your own terms. That’s the only way to do it. And that’s a metaphor for something bigger than back country camping.
What role did forgiveness play in your healing process, especially considering the trauma you experienced?
I think wanting to hang on to the essence of who I am and not let the attack harden me made it important to me to really prioritize healing. So often black and brown bodies are not rehabilitated in the legal system and the cycle repeats itself. I was really intentional in that I wanted to the legal consequences to show leniency, I really only asked for drug and alcohol counseling and anger management. I hope that by showing the grace that my attacker didn’t offer me, allowed this person to turn their pain around. I think in the end if I hung on to the anger, the need for vindication it would have eaten me up. By letting go of the anger and fear it was me showing myself that this attack didn’t take my soul.
Can you share some insights into the non-linear nature of the healing process and how you managed to stay resilient through its ups and downs?
I think we see healing as chronological, expecting to pass through the cycles of grief towards healing 1.2.3. I had a lot of forgiveness to my attackers in the beginning. Then I felt righteous rage. I felt like a lot of times survivors aren’t allowed to access their anger or indignation or we get so bogged down by it we can’t find our way through. Part of the journey was peace, empowerment, but after my physical wounds healed I got really angry my mind was still wounded. There’s this phrase, “lose your temper” and I thought about that a lot. I didn’t lose my anger, I found it. And we are taught to fear anger, especially women. The only way out is through and when I was nearing the end of working through all of this my therapist helped me explore that the anger came from the part of me that loved me the most, what happened wasn’t OK. I was allowed to be mad. You have to know when to set it down, but a lot of survivors I talked to helped me see it was normal to reach a certain part of your healing where you think you have a handle on it and then are confronted by
How has your journey impacted your perspective on safety, trust, and personal empowerment?
This is a great question, at the beginning of this journey I couldn’t even be outside without having a panic attack. I got a support dog to simply function. In the end though, on the other side, the confidence I have in my resilience, the courage I have to face the unknown and the knowledge that as long as I have myself and the will to grow that I am safe. Personal empowerment was a trust fall that I could get myself to shore, and now I know that I could catch myself I think I can really face any situation without fear now.
How has your career evolved throughout this journey, and how do you find fulfillment in your work now?
Before I was attacked I worked for a North East Cannabis MSO in an outreach capacity. After the incident I was presented with the opportunity of a promotion to Social Media/Marketing within the same company. If this had been offered prior to everything that went down I think I would have stayed in my same role, clinging to that normalcy, the safety in what I knew. The role really is my absolute dream job, I work closely so many talented powerhouses. My direct supervisor, Daniel Fraley (Digital Marketing Manager) was privy to the details of what happened and he didn’t treat me with kid gloves, he knew I could handle the workload and that trust in my abilities was a catalist for professional success. Today I work closely with Allison Benedict, founder of Pause Consumption, and it’s a beautiful thing to work with strong women who support creativity, innovation and push you to become a better version of yourself. She has taught me not to make myself, my ideas or my voice small. I think that there was a risk of feeling like a “victim” after what happened, the initial instinct to make oneself small and she helped foster and support my creativity. This month we are launching a short form podcast with one of the top growers on the east coast and I feel so proud to work in cannabis as a black woman, changing the stigma and making a space for others who look like me. This wouldn’t have been possible without the people and the important work that I am doing today. I wouldn’t have been as strong to take up this space prior to what happened to me. I’m grateful for this purpose through work to feel like I can give others the courage to do something that means something to them every day. I never would have taken the leap if these events didn’t happen to me.
What do you hope readers will take away from your story and your advice for survivors?
I hope that if people read about what happened to me or if they’ve experienced violence themselves that they will be able to reach the place where they tell themselves “We are not a victims. We are more than an act a violence and the aftermath that followed. We can and will move past the grief that was standing in place of trust stolen from us. We are survivors” I hope that my experience can serve as a lighthouse on the shore of healing that there is another side, that they aren’t alone and others have thrived despite what happened. I welcome anyone who reads this to DM me or reach out to email and I can offer the ministry of presence so many offered me. You are not alone.
What are some everyday practices or rituals that help you maintain your sense of strength and resilience?
Movement. Meditation and Community. I make it a point to hit all three everyday. Daily running to keep Blue and I both physically strong, the mantras to maintain mental clarity and the warm communion with friends to hold me up on days I can not hold myself up.
Looking back on your journey, what are you most proud of achieving or overcoming?
I’m still here. The attack couldn’t take that away from me and I found something I didn’t have before. It’s courage, a fierce and sticking thing. It was taking my power back. It was trusting myself to keep me safe again. It was a girl and her dog finding their way back to self. I am proud that I can now use my voice to encourage other survivors and that will never be silenced.
Jenn Kelly - I applaud your bravery and send you immense thanks and grace for sharing your story. Dogs like your Blue and my own Sisu are indeed angels
In friendship
Nicole