I was in a time I was supposed to be excited about being over halfway through my pregnancy, but I hadn’t even shared my exciting news with all my friends and extended family. I was fighting a glaring headache that just got worse every day. I wanted to get dressed up to take a photo for a pregnancy announcement but all I could muster to do was to get to work, do the bare minimum and come home to relax. I really thought I was having extreme pregnancy symptoms. This was my second pregnancy and I have always heard it can be very different from the first.
At the beginning of February 2024 I started to get the cold everyone had, the only difference was a I had a really bad headache with it. After two weeks, I figured I was due to be better. We went on a planned camping trip and it was not steadily getting better every day. That trip was hard, even for basic tasks. My partner felt the same way. He was definitely processing and feeling my auric field. With him not doing well either, I figured we both got the cold really bad. By the last week of February, I decided to take Friday off to have a three day weekend to relax.
I went to acupuncture that Friday and could barely walk into the building. I needed to hold hands with my partner. I received the treatment and it was relaxing. When the needle went into the top of my head I could just feel so much pressure releasing. It wasn’t making feel better, but I could just feel how heavy it was in my head. On Saturday, I lied in bed all day and got progressively worse. I started to wet myself before I could make it to the bathroom. The stress of being this ill started to make my stomach cramp. I truly felt that I had started the process of miscarrying. I tried to sleep that night, but told my partner, in the morning I am very sure I am going to use the energy I do have to get in the car and go to the emergency room. That morning, that is exactly what we did.
I was sent to the OBGYN right away upon entering at 8am. They ran several tests and concluded the baby was fine and that this was not related to the pregnancy. They had given me some morphine for the pain, but it did not do much at all. I was sent back to the ER around noon. At 1:30 the ER doctor started to run his own test. He suggested that I have a cat scan and an ultrasound. Nothing was wrong with the ultrasound, but he did see something in the cat scan that he wanted to see further. I agreed to the MRI. Right before all of this happening my partner had put me on iodine and B Complex pills to help with the migraine and therefore this could assist with the process of MRI while pregnant with a little more support. This was a very aligned action that served us well.
After the MRI, at 4:30pm the doctor was able to give a diagnosis. He saw a tumor on the left side of my brain toward the back, getting close to the neck as well. I took the news fine. It was relief to know what was wrong, even though it was a very big deal. We went through the process of transferring me to a hospital that could handle my situation. The designated, larger hospital in the city had no beds for me to go to. I was told it could take hours to even days to get a bed. I was in so much pain that going home was not an option. My mother showed up at this point and between her and my partner they started to advocate for me, calling hospital patient advocates. At 11am the next day, I was called directly by a neurosurgeon from UCLA. He was compassionate, asking me how was doing and went over what he thought I had. He said we wanted to take over my case and get me to UCLA as soon as possible. I was there by that evening.
The neurosurgeon wanted to do surgery that night, so I hadn’t eaten since his phone call. Once I got there, we found out that not all team members were available and I could eat dinner but that would be it because the next day it could happen. By Tuesday morning they had a set surgery time for Wednesday at 11am. I was able to finally eat some meals before that time.
Throughout this day of waiting, I was sending out big prayers and requesting powerful energy. I had stayed calm through the process and all the information about what I had and what needed to be done about it. I started to send the highest and best energies to all the people who would be at my emergency surgery. I knew they had full days and regular schedules. I was another thing added to their day. I requested that a large overflowing vase of energy be filled and flowing during my procedure. I requested that the energy come and go exactly as it was needed, when it was needed and where it was needed. I knew I was having sensitive surgery to remove a tumor that was surrounding by a larger cyst filled with fluid.
The day of the surgery, there was not much time to think or do anything. I woke up and the process started right away at 830am. The room was large and cold. I felt calm and ready. I entered the surgery calm and felt surrounded by the energy I filled the room with prior.
The surgery was over 5 hours and closing up the wound was 2 hours. I went into recovery and didn’t wake up for another 5 hours. I was out of my room all day. I finally woke up and recognized my mom. The nurses had been checking on me and apparently I was answering questions, but I was getting them wrong. My jaw and mouth physically hurt very bad and I couldn’t fully form my words cohesively. After talking to my mom, my partner came in. I knew who he was right away. I was eventually taken to my room around 7pm. I was transferred to the night nurse who was not given the best after surgery care plan. He was told to keep me at bay for the night and wait for the doctors to come back in the morning. I spent the night in a lot of pain. The morning nurse came after what felt like the longest night. It took them all day to get the pain somewhat manageable, but it was still not that good. That evening I was experiencing a lot of nausea. The nurse cleaned me up and I vomited directly after. It was not until Friday that the meds started to work and the pain was manageable enough to get up, walk, and work with the physical therapist.
After getting back to my room after the surgery, I could feel a lot of spiritual commotion around me. At certain points I could feel a woman sitting at the end of my bed absorbing my pain and redirecting healing energy my way. She would just sit with me. I could hear a lot of soft talking and whispers from the spirits around me. I got the feeling that they were just there to sit with me and support me. They were my visitors for company and moral support, much like we do for each other in our 3D physical experience.
When I was finally released and sent home, the spirits around me did not cease. There was a man in my house that was watching over me. He was much more over bearing and a bit stern. Whoever he was, I think he was very concerned with my wellbeing. The first few nights at home I was on a strict medication schedule, in which my partner had to set an alarm and make a schedule on a white board. I was in a lot of pain the first few nights and the spirit man was always there. At one point in the middle of the night, he shouted at me near the time my medication alarm was bound to go off. He said “Jackie! Wake up!”. I jolted awake and was in a lot of pain. I woke my partner up to ask for help and it happened to be a few minutes before my scheduled medicine time anyways.
There were many things that aligned for me spiritually leading up to the brain tumor surgery that I became aware after the incident happened and could reflect back upon my experience. I have been a public school teacher for 12 years, however, this year I stepped away from that experience due to discrimination issues that arose with the my then principal. I am now the Director of Education for a local American Indian tribe. This meant that after spending a lifetime on one insurance brand, it has switched for the first time in my life. My mother carried my insurance through the public school she worked for while I was young until I was 26 and I ended up working at the school next door to mom, therefore signing up for the same exact insurance as a working adult. So, after 33 years on the same insurance, I was on a different plan. I think that this switch was necessary and divinely planned so that I would end of the care of the neurosurgeon who performed my brain surgery.
I was also 22 weeks pregnant at the time of this event. I truly believe that if I had not been pregnant I would have tried to self-medicate and rest. I would have tried over the counter medicines and holistic herbs and teas to try to make my headache subside, however, being pregnant, I did not have any options for over the counter medicines. I was in pain and unable to alleviate that pain. I knew that being in that much pain and stress was not healthy for my pregnancy and I truly believed that my pregnancy had taken a turn for worst when I lost control of my bowels and had stomach cramping. Since I was pregnant, I went to the emergency room, which is not something I would have normally done. This baby is my life saver and was divinely timed to help successful diagnose and remove the tumor. My partner and I had actually been trying to get pregnant for 6 months before I did conceive, which again goes to the divine timing of this event.
Another divine intervention was the fact that my partner was a Naval Corpsman. His experience as a medical worker assisted in my recovery and him being able to relay information to me that I would normally have to research or just not understand at all. He was able to take care of me when I came home without any confusion or frustration. Had my life not turned out the way it did, I would have never had the opportunity to meet him and build such a strong and loving relationship. Again, another divine intervention and spiritual alignment.
I have been on my spiritual journey on a much more serious level since 2021. In January 2020, I had graduated with my doctoral degree in Education, along with just finalizing my divorce in the fall of 2019. I felt like I had made it to a much deserved break after those two life events and shortly after we were put on quarantine. This time alone gave me time to seek out professional help through a psychologist and then ultimately leading me to chasing my other dreams I had while I was pursuing my career. I signed up for Yoga 200 hour teaching training course and started to really dive deep into the world of spirituality. In 2022, I applied to the University of Metaphysics to pursue my Metaphysical Minister degree, in which I completed in July 2023. I was deep down my path of spirituality and had already grown, changed, and evolved in so many ways leading up to my emergency brain tumor surgery. That journey prepared me to have the spiritual experience I had. Without all of those life changing events, I know I would have reacted to the news and circumstances of my situation much differently.
Instead of facing the circumstance as something that was happening to me, I faced it as something that was happening for me. I truly believe that I needed to physically have something removed from my body to fully heal, recover, and reconnect spirituality. All of the negativity, pain, hurt, sorrow, past experiences, and trauma that made up my current 3D reality had manifested itself into this tumor. I was actively trying to heal and move forward; however, bouts of depression would creep back in I would have severe anxiety, depression, and lack of self-confidence throughout my spiritual journey.
I think that my pain manifesting into a tumor is an extreme case and not the norm for anyone looking to heal on their spiritual journey. This is just how mine manifested and expelled itself. I had to learn to let extreme news come to me and allow the universe to hold and take care of me. It was my experience to show me the power and wonder of your higher self, source, and the universe. I do not always think that there needs to be such a physical act of removal during healing. I believe that ceremonies of cleansing can help remove energies, however, in my case, I think that there was such a build up of historical trauma, that it needed to be physically removed in this way.
This experience has taught me many valuable lessons. I have learned that work can wait. I have always been such a “hard working” person, who felt like I needed to accomplish everything all at once and should have already accomplished it by the time I thought of it. I had a very toxic outlook on performance, effort, and work. This has taught me that what is meant for me will find me. I still need to pursue things, but instead, pursue the things that are presenting themselves to me rather than me going out on the hunt to find opportunities, experiences, or happiness.
I have learned that timing is everything. With all the divine timing of this event, I know that the way the universe plans out timing is so important. I already believed this being a writer and facing a lot of rejection letters, however this event revealed to me how much more complicated it is and how many events are taken into consideration. The act of having a successful emergency brain tumor surgery while 22 weeks pregnant took the alignment of having the right insurance, which meant a job change, the right romantic partner, which meant a failed marriage previous to that, and the choice to conceive another child in the timing that we did. There are also another set of factors that I cannot even begin to imagine because my surgery required roughly 7-11 doctors at any given time to be in to room while it was conducted. That is several different life paths crossing that all lead them to that event at that time, along with countless other staff who made it all possible.
I have learned in the power of synchronicities. At the beginning of 2024, I had a meditation that told me 34 would be my number this year. I was turning 34 in January, and it had always been my favorite number. It was my jersey number in basketball and was also my favorite basketball player’s number (Go Shaq!). I vowed that I would make my 34th year around the sun a memorable one. The number 34 had started to pop up for me in the strangest places. Some of my recorded podcasts are 34 minutes long. The day I checked into UCLA for care, it was March 4th, which would be 3 /4. When we returned to UCLA for aftercare to get my sutures removed, there was a poster that said UCLA had won some best hospital award for 34 consecutive years. This number keeps showing up, which was and is a confirmation of my spiritual journey.
I have learned to be more graceful, appreciative and proud of myself and my journey. Before this event, I was working myself into the ground to accomplish all the things on my earthly list. I was rarely appreciative or proud of myself and my accomplishments. Now, I am grateful of my accomplishments and can look back on how far I have truly come. This event taught me that we never really know what could come our way. We can meditate, plan, and be in connection with source, but there are things we came here to learn and experience. Those events are going to happen, and we may or may not be expecting them. So, it is important to stop in order to appreciate yourself, where you are and all the things you have or are accomplishing.
I have strengthened my relationship with my higher self, universe, spiritual guides, and source. Through this event, I had to lay everything on a spiritual doorstep. What was going to happen, would happen. I could not “work” my way to feel better, I could not stop the tumor from existing, and I could not change my circumstances. I instead leaned into my spirituality deeply and began to meditate, affirm, and utilize healing energy as soon as we learned what the issue was. I have been more committed to my daily connection to higher self and source. It may not be a full meditation every day, but it is making sure I am checking in, listening to my guides around me, and letting my higher self guide my intuition.
What I has happened for me has once again evolved who I am. I am becoming softer, more understanding, and realizing what is important to my life’s journey. As I move forward, I will always seek the comfort of spirituality, spirit guides, higher self, universe, and source. Here is where I will find the answers to life’s events, small or big. I will continue to learn through this experience as I fully heal, since currently I am only 3 months post surgery with a baby due in 4 weeks. This next chapter of being a mom to a newborn again will look much different and I cannot even begin to imagine what it will bring.
