In the vibrant tapestry of life, Sana Akhand’s journey stands out as a bold testament to carving one’s own path amidst cultural expectations and personal aspirations. Raised in Edison, New Jersey, where South Asian traditions wove through daily life, Sana faced a whirlwind of pressures to conform to the conventional milestones of marriage. Yet, her spirit of independence and ambition led her to forge a unique path, transforming her career and personal life in ways that defy tradition. From building a successful wedding planning business to navigating the complexities of a non-traditional relationship, Sana’s story is one of courage, self-discovery, and love. Join us as she shares her inspiring journey of blending cultural heritage with personal growth, revealing the profound lessons learned from living apart and coming together again in a renewed partnership.
Can you describe the cultural pressures you faced when getting married and how they influenced your decisions?
Although I was born and raised in New Jersey, my parents immigrated here from Pakistan and they were very strict about maintaining our heritage and culture. Growing up, they didn’t want us to go to school dances or even talk to boys, but I was always a little rebellious (lol). I grew up in Edison, New Jersey which has a massive South Asian Community. Just to paint a picture, our high school had more minorities than white students. So it was easier to grow up cultured rather than westernized.
A lot of my friends, cousins and even my sister got married almost immediately after their college graduation. The expectations were for me to also get married by 21. But I was ambitious and I started my own Wedding Planning Company instead. After running my business for a couple of years, I met my husband. We started dating casually, but never talked about marriage because we were both dedicated to our careers and having fun. My mom kept asking me if I met someone and if not, she was going to set me up. (arranged marriages were common in my culture). After 8 months of dating, I told him “hey, no pressure – but my parents are setting me up with potential men and I don’t want to go on any other dates – so maybe it’s time for us to have ::the chat::” and he lovingly said, “I’m ready to meet your parents”. 4 months after that, we were engaged!
How did you approach the conversation with your husband about living apart, and what was his initial reaction?
I was so scared to approach my husband about my desire for more freedom and space! But I truly couldn’t hold it in any longer. I first started feeling like something needed to change when I was journaling everyday about a dream that I never knew I even had. I remembered when I was younger, I always dreamed of having my own apartment in New York City and living the Sex and The City lifestyle. Brunch with friends, fancy date nights with my man and a creative career that gave me freedom. My journal entries got louder and more descriptive and I knew I needed to let him know. After months of fantasizing about this life, I was ready to make it a reality.
So I sat him down one day and I told him, “babe, I love you so, so much and I love our life together. But I also do feel like I’m sad I never got to live on my own. I went straight from my parents house to our house and I never got to create a house of my own. I feel like I barely know who I am outside of being a wife. I don’t know where this is coming from….” and as I was rambling, he stopped me. He held my hands and said, “my love, are you saying you want your own apartment?” I hesitated and said, “I think so?” and he simply said, “I never had my own place either – I always lived with roommates before we got married – I’d love to have my own place too!” And immediately I felt a huge burden lifted off my shoulders. We dove into the details and started to dream together.
What were some of the challenges and rewards of Living Apart Together in New York City?
The greatest reward of Living Apart Together in a place like New York City is the proximity to each other’s homes because Manhattan is pretty small. My apartment was in the Upper East Side and his apartment was in the Upper West Side and we walked through Central Park every weekend. It was magical. It was also so much fun to meet in the West Village on Friday nights for date night and just have all of New York City as our playground. The greatest challenge was having my stuff in between two places.
I almost always forgot something either at my place or his and it was so annoying having a weekend bag! I ended up having a whole dresser at his apartment to keep essentials there and that ended up costing more because of skincare + wellness products. Another challenge was feeling guilty if my friends wanted to hang out on the weekends because I wanted to reserve my weekends for my time with him. But we balanced that out through lots of communication!
How did the time spent apart impact your relationship and personal growth?I didn’t realize how much time and energy I spent thinking about him in my everyday life. “Did he eat?”, “Does he need clean underwear?”, “Is he happy?”, “Is he stressed?”, “How can I make his day better?”, “He’s so freaking annoying today!!!” and so much more. When I moved into my own apartment – the most overwhelming shift was the silence. I truly didn’t have to think about anyone or anything else but myself. And as someone who never put herself first, this was a bit of a shock to my system. I realized I had so much more time and energy to do things that I always wanted to do but never had the time to do them. I started cooking more, painting, writing, dancing, feeling, and once I started to really feel – all of my deep hidden emotions emerged. My journals were covered in so many suppressed memories that needed to come up to be healed. My time alone was crucial for me to clear my emotional baggage and connect deeper with my inner child. Every woman needs a room of her own to process her own feelings.
What led to your decision to move to LA and live together again, and how has it affected your marriage?My husband got a job offer for his DREAM job. He’s a BIG movie buff, so when he got the opportunity to become VP of Finance for a Media Company in LA, he was ecstatic! It was double his current salary and I was so proud of him! I knew I couldn’t hold him back or ask him to stay in New York. So I took some time to journal and process what I wanted to do. Our leases were coming up to renew and I made the decision not to renew. I felt like I got the time and freedom I needed to heal, grow and evolve and I was ready to move back in together – this time as new and improved versions of ourselves. He also was not the same person he was and I was excited to see how much we’ve grown. When we moved back in together, our first 6 months were a huge adjustment. It wasn’t as smooth as I had anticipated but after lots of intentional and conscious check-ins, conversations, adjustments and boundaries, we hit our stride and our marriage has never been better.
Can you elaborate on the skepticism you faced from friends and family and how you handled it?
I remember telling my best friend at the time that Adnan and I were thinking about getting our own apartments while staying happily married. She was shocked, confused and rightfully protective of me. She asked a lot of questions trying to understand why. At the end she said, I love you but I think you’re making a huge mistake. What if you get divorced? And I remember telling her, if our marriage can’t make it then maybe that means it wasn’t meant to and I’d rather him be happy and free than stuck with me because I’m worried about a divorce. She didn’t understand that at all. We tried to keep in touch but it got harder as months went by. I was going through a huge transition and at the time, I really needed to surround myself with people who either supported me or kept their opinions to themselves. As painful as it was, I had to walk away from that friendship. My parents also told me I was making a huge mistake. My dad in particular was worried that my husband wouldn’t support this and I was going to end up alone. I remember telling him that being alone isn’t the worst thing in the world – and he was not happy I said that. My mom came around and called everyday to check in and asked “How clean is your house today?!” lol!
How did the experience of Living Apart Together strengthen your marriage and personal fulfillment?
I remember in the beginning, I told my husband I’m not coming over to just netflix and chill (lol!) so that sparked his romance meter. He would come up with super fun date nights for us. We also split our finances when we moved into our own places because we didn’t want to keep tabs on each other. So it truly felt like I was being wined and dined through the greatest city in the world by a man who I knew loved me with his whole entire heart. I felt so whole, so fulfilled, so wildly in love. And his love gave me the courage I needed to process my past even deeper than ever before. It allowed me to become the woman who had the confidence to fight my inner demons. When my healing got dark, I knew he was just one call away and he would come over and hold me until I fell asleep. I had never felt more safe or more loved. He had my back and I had my front. My future was purely in my own hands and it was up to me to let go of the past so we could rebuild our future.
How has your experience been featured in major media outlets, and what impact has that had on your journey?
It was truly a wild experience being seen in such a big way – not for my accomplishments or achievements – but for simply taking a leap of faith and allowing life to unfold one step at a time. It was weird because I didn’t have a plan or know what the future held so I couldn’t speak on a lot of the things they wanted me to talk about. I didn’t know if this was the answer, I just knew it was working for us right now. So when we made the decision to move back in together only a year later – after all the press we got about Living Apart Together – I felt like I was a fraud. I was featured in such big outlets talking about this thing we were no longer even doing. It took a lot of processing to come to peace with the fact that Living Apart Together was definitely the thing that allowed us to let go of the past and become renewed – and it wasn’t an identity I needed to be attached to either. It set me free to be and become whoever I wanted to be. My story isn’t over quite yet!
What advice would you give to women who are considering a non-traditional approach to their relationships?
To tune into your heart over the logic of your mind – AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. I know it’s easier said than done. I know there are responsibilities and obligations that make it difficult to do things out of our comfort zones, but I promise you – if the nudges are in your heart and soul, they aren’t going to stop – they will keep getting louder and louder until you create space to listen to what your inner guidance system is asking from you. Our intuition is meant to guide us, but our ego tries to protect us. As a conscious woman, it is our responsibility to question our ego’s protection and honor the nudges from our intuition so we can live truly aligned, magical and fulfilling lives.
How do you continue to nurture your sense of independence and self while being in a committed relationship?
It’s an everyday practice to make sure I am taking time away from cuddling or watching tv to actively pursue my hobbies and interests. I realized I had a love addiction – after a very traumatic upbringing, I finally found safety in my relationship and I didn’t want to do anything else. I lost my sense of self in my marriage because I was so comfortable in his presence. But codependency isn’t cute!! I now know how important it is to take time away to pour my own love into my own self, because I deserve to experience my own love too!!! I love my energy, I love spending time alone to read or sew or draw or dance, and I also really, really love my time with my man. I truly feel like I have the best of both worlds!!! But it took a lot of conscious effort to get here.
Can you share more about Growth Club and how it supports women in redefining their lives?
After my story went viral, I have been meeting so many women who are also at a crossroads in some way, shape or form. Whether they are recently divorced, rediscovering themselves – or they quit jobs after years of attaching their identity to their careers and are now wondering who they are and why they’re here, I believe it is so much more common than we think it is. So I decided to create a sanctuary for us who are questioning the traditional, cultural and societal norms and redefining success, relationships and freedom on our terms. Our events are intimate, safe and vulnerable. We get to have conversations without judgment or masks because we’re attracting women who are in a similar place in their own paths. Through our workshops, intimate panels and dinner parties, we truly get to see the most magical synchronicities happen through friendships and conversations that need to happen. I feel so grateful to be able to create this space for women from all walks of life to just be women – together.
What inspired you to start the Thriving in Love Podcast, and what topics do you explore on the show?
I’m working on my book about my journey and I wanted to know what other people have experienced on their own growth journeys whether they were married or dating or single, so I started it to share my own story, but more importantly to create a space for women to know the truth about love. It’s not always rainbow and butterflies, it takes intentional, conscious effort to balance our sense of self while maintaining happy, healthy, thriving relationships. Nobody really talks about the nitty gritty and I just wanted to have these conversations, so I started my show! We talk about spirituality, personal growth, women’s health, boundaries, relationships with difficult family members and so much more.
How do you balance running your business and podcast while maintaining your personal life and relationships?
I love this question!! I used to be VERY type A – with calendars and planners and all the things – but I’ve simplified my life a lot. I schedule days for my different projects and my evenings and weekends are strictly – no work or no social media time – so I can be fully present in my life. I also take two evenings per week away from my time with my husband to be in my own energy – These are usually on Sundays and Wednesdays.
What future goals do you have for Growth Club and the Thriving in Love Podcast?
I hope to expand the Growth Club in more cities (NYC is next!!), host retreats in luxurious places and offer more educational + wellness services for women to thrive.
As for Thriving in Love, I am actively manifesting a media company to step in and take over so I can be more in my zone of genius without all the technical work!
Thank you so, so much. This was so much fun and I feel so honored to share my story with women who are also redefining life on their own terms! We’re not here to fit in, we’re here to shatter the glass ceilings and make magic happen!!
IG: @sanaakhand
TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@sanaakhand
