Meet Kerry Kriseman, an inspiring author, educator, and political spouse whose journey in the world of politics spans over two decades. In her captivating memoir, "Accidental First Lady: On the Front Lines (and Behind the Scenes) of Local Politics," Kerry shares poignant moments and invaluable insights gleaned from her experiences as a political spouse for 22 years. From navigating the challenges of balancing family life and maintaining her identity to finding the courage to share her story through memoir writing, Kerry's journey is a testament to resilience, empowerment, and the transformative power of storytelling. Join us as we delve into Kerry's inspiring journey, her teachings in Make Memoir Magic, and her empowering message for women considering sharing their own life stories.
What inspired you to write Accidental First Lady: On the Front Lines (and Behind the Scenes) of Local Politics?
The idea for my memoir of life as a 22-year political spouse was born in a coffee shop. Following my husband’s 8th and most contentious political campaign, a friend invited me to coffee. During our conversation, she asked, “So, how do you do this?” As in, how do you live this political life while raising kids, creating happiness, nurturing a marriage and friendships, cultivating your own brand apart from your politician husband.”
When I gave her my long, honest answer, not the version I’d tell a stranger in the grocery store, she said, “You should write a book!”
I’d never considered sharing my perspective as a political spouse, but on that day my book idea was born, and I decided to show a side of politics that few ever get to see though poignant moments from my life as an unlikely political spouse.
Can you share a bit about your personal journey and experiences as a political spouse for 22 years?
Political life began in 1999 when, over a bottle of wine, the question was posed to my husband, “Why don’t you run for City Council?” We gave it a few days’ thought, then jumped in, head-first, for a whirlwind two-month campaign. I believe it was our naivete that saved us. If we’d known how hard politics is, for the sheer reason that much of it is fundraising, or that once elected, life can (and does) change overnight, we may have never decided to give it a go. Since my husband’s first elected role was one of 8 city council members, I had a slow, easy introduction into political life. This was also before social media. We only had our daughter at the time, and I was a stay-at-home mom. The stressors were minimal, yet I wasn’t a fan of sitting solo on the sofa during the evenings when my husband had to attend inevitable events that are part of a politician’s job. Yet, I saw that he was captivated by the idea of public service, and when you love someone, their happiness can also be yours. Political life taught me much about the journey of a marriage, that no matter whether it’s politics or something else, there will be ebbs and flows, and certainly give and take.
For most of the 22 years as a political spouse, I fought the perception that I was nothing more than a “stand-by-your-man” spouse in this political partnership. Even after going back to work when our 2nd child was 5, people still thought I was a volunteer at the non-profit where I served as public relations manager for 15 years.
Those are the perceptions that I continuously battled, yet overall, life in politics was a plus, as we enjoyed experiences, I know that we never would’ve had if it weren’t for politics. And, while we surely met famous people – it sometimes comes with the territory – it’s the people who lived in our own community – the voters who entrusted my husband with their city – who have forever impacted me.
What were some of the challenges you faced while balancing family life, maintaining your identity, and supporting your husband's career in politics?
Much of this is discussed in the transformative journey I recount in Accidental First Lady, but the top challenges were:
- Maintaining effective communication amid an increasingly busy lifestyle. As my husband ascended the political ladder, the stakes were raised, and we often had to rework our martial and familial communications processes so that we functioned as an effective family unit.
- Regarding identity as a political spouse, many people sought to assign titles when I simply preferred to be known by my achievements and personal strengths. I’ve been called Stepford Wife, arm candy, and a secret weapon.
- Supporting my husband’s career in politics while raising two children meant that my career took a back seat. This was our personal choice, but since politics is not a lucrative profession, we quickly discovered that the price of a nanny far surpassed my earning capacity as a professional communicator. There is no regret in that mutual decision for me to be an at-home parent for 10 years. I view it as a lesson that it truly is never too late to pursue one’s passions. Accidental First Lady was published when I was 53, and I’ve since reinvented myself as an educator, now teaching aspiring authors how to write their memoirs.
How did you find the courage and motivation to share your story through memoir writing?
Finding courage and motivation is an exercise in cultivating a growth mindset. To write memoirs, an author must embrace authenticity and dare to be vulnerable in writing. That’s truly the only way the essence of a story is revealed. Readers recognize authenticity and appreciate it. It’s how an author connects with readers, which is so important. I found that because I always believed in the value of my story, that the more I wrote, the easier it became to be vulnerable in my writing. I always tell my students: “In memoir writing, you must always be honest and tell the truth, but you don’t have to tell the entire story.”
I also believe what a good friend told me when I asked whether I should write my book, whether anyone would care what I had to say. She is also an author, and here’s what she said: “If it’s in your heart, do it.” So simple, yet profound. It became somewhat of a mantra.
Can you tell us about your class Make Memoir Magic and what aspiring authors can expect to learn from it?
Make Memoir Magic is my 4-part online class that teaches aspiring authors how to find the courage to bravely write, publish, and promote their life stories through memoir. This class is for beginners, and writers who may have some words on the pages but might be stuck. The first cohort of Make Memoir Magic launched May 20. The 2nd offering of this class will launch this fall.
What advice do you have for women who may be struggling to maintain their own identity while supporting a partner's career?
When struggling to maintain your identity while supporting a partner’s career, it first starts at home. The relationship must be solid, acknowledging that there are always inevitable ups and downs that are a part of life. Women who find themselves in a position to support a partner’s career that may be more high-profile than theirs should absolutely utilize resources to connect with others who may be in similar positions. Your higher-profile partner should absolutely support your aspirations, no matter his/her career and what that looks like. No partner’s career or dream has a higher value.
If possible, nurture yourself with professional development opportunities, find mentors, volunteer, attend networking events in your field. For all the negativity that surrounds social media, there are tremendous opportunities for women to have a voice in online communities, through blogs, and on podcasts. Absolutely pursue what you’re passionate about and require that there is a mutual respect for each partner’s dreams and aspirations.
How did you navigate the publishing process for your book, and what tips do you have for aspiring authors in terms of finding their personal path to publishing?
I started querying agents and publishers for my book when I was in the process of writing. Non-fiction authors aren’t necessarily required to submit an entire manuscript when querying, as fiction authors often are. It’s not uncommon to receive rejection. I would delight in a rejection that came with feedback, and the common feedback was that my writing was good, my story was interesting, but my online platform wasn’t big enough. What they meant was I didn’t have enough of an existing audience to sell books. Thankfully, I was led to a local publishing house, St. Petersburg Press. A hybrid publisher with a very fair fee for publishing, the press vets all books, so it’s not a vanity press that publishes anything for a fee. I believe I wound up exactly where I was supposed to be.
Part of my memoir class covers the various publishing paths and how an aspiring author can navigate the choices and make the perfect choice for them.
What are some key lessons or insights you gained from your experiences that you think would benefit other women in similar situations?
Key insights gained from 22 years in politics is to be diligent when crafting your own brand apart from your high-profile spouse. Most people either dismiss you or assume you’re something you’re not. Yes, it’s extra work, and while it shouldn’t be necessary, it is. Unlike my spouse, I didn’t have a team that crafted my message, coordinated my schedule, and honed my online presence. We must do this for ourselves. Another insight is that while a high-profile, public life may not have been the plan, it’s not forever, and we should embrace the moments and opportunities that may come because of living a public life. Like I said earlier, it’s about the people you meet that make the experiences richer.
What impact do you hope your book and teachings will have on women who are navigating similar journeys?
I’m thrilled that Accidental First Lady, published in 2021, has impacted women and men. There are inherent messages in my stories of poignant moments from political life that anyone can relate to, not just someone who is in politics or a political spouse. Learning that my stories of life navigated through the lens of public life have inspired others was one of the sweet surprises from publishing I hope that other women can see themselves in me, especially if they’re new to politics, and know that while this life may not always be easy or even one they would’ve chosen, that they can truly be happy, raise caring and confident children, sustain a marriage, nurture friendships, and cultivate a personal brand apart from their public spouse.
Can you share a memorable moment or lesson from your time as a political spouse that has stayed with you?
It would be hard to distill 22 years of political life into one moment or lesson. But, if I had to share one lesson, is to always stay true to who you are. Political life can be a bubble, with people who want to prop you up for personal gain or access to your spouse. It’s important to learn how to discern between those who have authentic intentions, and others who simply see you as a hurdle to cross. There are good people in politics, and always following your heart, trusting your gut, and giving yourself 24 hours to respond to questions or requests is a good M.O.
How do you balance your work as an author and educator with other aspects of your life?
Finding balance can be a lifelong quest, as the stakes are often raised throughout our lives. My kids are now adults, so I’m mothering in a different way now, but those day-to-day tasks that were necessary when they were younger have been replaced with volunteerism and advocacy. In addition to being an author and educator, I’m a puppy raiser for Dogs, Inc., an Advocate Leader, Survivors Teaching Students Presenter, and Health and Education Committee Chair for Ovarian Cancer Research Alliance. I also volunteer weekly at Tampa General Hospital in their pet therapy program with our certified therapy dog, black labrador, Christie.
I maintain balance with a mix of exercise every morning, which includes walking 2-3 miles and light weights. I enjoy cooking, traveling, and wine. Everything in moderation is my mantra, and taking time to enjoy life, and truly savor it in every way is key.
What strategies do you use to stay motivated and focused during the writing and publishing process?
Strategies that help me remain motivated during writing include projecting toward the end. Being an experienced author, I know what it feels like to accomplish something as monumental as writing and publishing a book. Remembering that feeling and knowing the impact that your words can have on another, and how what you must share can serve them in myriad ways helps me stay on task and reach the finish line.
How important do you think it is for women to share their stories and experiences, especially in fields like politics?
It’s no secret that some of the men who hold political office are the ones who seek to silence women, remove longstanding rights, and reduce the roles of women. Sharing stories, perspectives, and experiences allows us to connect with others. In connecting, relationships are formed, conversations are started, and myths can be dispelled. Women’s voices are more important than ever, and any woman who desires to do so, should absolutely use whatever platform she sees fit to share her message. It’s sharing that bonds are formed. The vitriolic nature of politics today has reduced the amount of talking we do with people who might think differently than us. If we, men, or women, can’t talk with someone else who is different than us, then there is little hope that we can undo what is happening in our country.
What are your plans or projects related to memoir writing and teaching?
I believe I have another book – or two – inside of me. I have a few ideas percolating, so stay tuned. I plan to launch the 2nd cohort of Make Memoir Magic this fall. Go to https://www.kerrykriseman.com/waitlist to join the course list and be the first to know when enrollment opens. I also plan to teach memoir again in person this fall at Eckerd College’s Osher Lifelong Learning Institute.
Lastly, what message would you like to share with women who are considering sharing their own life stories but may feel hesitant or unsure about where to start?
Believe in the power of your story. Believe that your story has value and write with a brave heart. Stories have the power to connect us with one another, and couldn’t we all use a little more connectedness today? Banish the voice that screams “imposter,” and only let the one that tells you that you can absolutely be an author and write your unique story through memoir. Lean on your community. Don’t write in a silo; embrace the literary community, whether online or in your community. The writer and author community is generous with their time, talent, and treasure. And, in the end, put yourself in the seat, hands on keyboard, and just write.
