Watching someone you care about struggle with an addiction can feel incredibly upsetting and overwhelming. There are a number of different reasons why you might feel upset or overwhelmed at times, including noticing changes in their behaviour, their mood, their health, or their personality.
Likewise, you might get frustrated at yourself for feeling unsure about how to help. Many people who live close to those suffering with addiction issues worry about saying the wrong thing, pushing their loved one away or simply making the situation worse.
The truth is that addiction only ever gets worse in silence and isolation. When it comes to supporting a loved one with an addiction, love, compassion, understanding, patience and educated support can make a huge difference in someone’s recovery journey. While you cannot force another person to seek detox or rehab, your presence and encouragement can help them recognise that they are not alone.
This article discusses how to recognise the signs of addiction, approach difficult conversations with love and care, and how to support a friend or family member while also protecting your own wellbeing.
Recognising the Signs of Addiction
Addiction does not appear overnight. In fact, it often develops slowly and gradually, with small and subtle behavioural or emotional changes before becoming more severe and obvious. Recognising these signs early can help you step in with support before the problem escalates. Common warning signs of addiction include some of the below.
Someone struggling with addiction may start to withdraw from certain social activities, cancel their plans frequently, or spend increasing amounts of time alone without friends or loved ones. They might prioritise substances over responsibilities or hobbies they once enjoyed.
Likewise, people who are struggling with an addiction might often feel irritated, anxious or even sometimes depressed. Likewise, they might start to experience sudden mood changes. These shifts are sometimes related to drug or alcohol cravings, withdrawal symptoms or simply just the emotional strain of hiding substance use.
In addition to this, the unexpected financial difficulties experienced with addiction will also cause their own issues. Those who experience addiction issues often experience declining work performance, or repeated absences that can indicate that substance use is interfering with an individual’s daily life.
Likewise, people who experience addiction issues are also more likely to experience physical changes, including fatigue, poor sleep, weight changes, and declining personal care.
Recognising these warning signs does not mean that you should immediately confront someone with accusations of addiction. Instead, the above warning signs can help you to better understand that something deeper may be happening and that your friend or loved one may need support, potentially including a medical detox or professional rehab treatment plan.
Understanding Addiction as a Medical Condition
One of the most important things to remember when supporting someone through addiction is that addiction is not a moral failing. In fact, addiction is now classified as a medical condition.
This is because addiction affects the brain’s reward system. In fact, addictive substances such as alcohol or drugs can create powerful cravings and even change how the brain processes things such as pleasure, motivation and your decision-making. Over time, this can make stopping the addiction extremely difficult without the help of structured support such as a medical detox or stay within a rehab facility.
Understanding addiction as a health condition also helps to change the conversation away from blame and into understanding.
Many people struggling with addiction already feel high levels of shame, guilt or even fear about their addiction, behaviours and what people are thinking of them.
Approaching the situation with compassion rather than judgement can make it easier for them to open up and to be honest with you about what they are going through.
This change in perspective also helps family members and loved ones to better recognise that recovery and treatment often require professional treatment, including therapy, detox, and sometimes inpatient rehab.
How to Start a Compassionate Conversation
For a lot of people, whether they suffer from an addiction or not, talking about addiction can feel intimidating and scary. In fact, many people delay the conversation because they worry about the conflict that it will bring or being rejected. However, approaching the subject with care and compassion can create an opportunity for honesty and connection with loved ones.
Below are some helpful tips and tricks that you should consider when starting the conversation about addiction with someone you love.
1. Choosing the right moment
When trying to speak with someone who is suffering from an addiction issue, then you should always choose a time when the person is sober, calm, and not under immediate stress or anxiety. Likewise, a quiet and private setting also helps the conversation feel safer for both people.
2. Use ‘I’ statements
Rather than criticising or accusing the person, you should focus on your observations and concerns. For example, you should say things such as “I’ve noticed you seem really exhausted lately, and I’m worried about you.” By highlighting your concern and worry, they are more likely to take your concerns seriously. You should however be aware that you shouldn’t put too much pressure or guilt on them.
3. Listen more than you speak
When you decide to talk to your loved one about addiction, you should give them the space to share their feelings with you. It is important to give them the space as they may not be ready to talk about addiction straight away. However, simply listening without judgement can help build trust and then, you can take it from there.
4. Avoid ultimatums
While boundaries are important, beginning the conversation with threats or ultimatums will only ever push someone further away. The goal of this conversation is not to force someone into rehab immediately. Instead, the conversation is supposed to open the door to discussion about addiction and potential treatment options.
Encouraging Seeking Professional Help
Although emotional support is incredibly important when it comes to supporting someone through an addiction, addiction often requires structured treatment. Encouraging your friend or loved one to seek help will be one of the most important things that you do. Below are a number of different treatment options that you might be able to suggest to your loved one.
- A medical detox
- Inpatient rehab
- Outpatient rehab
- Holistic therapy
- Support groups
- Alcohol rehab services
A medical detox is often the first step when it comes to recovery and treatment. The medical detox process allows the body to safely remove the addictive substances from the body under professional medical supervision. After the medical detox, the rehab programme will then focus on therapy, coping strategies and addressing the underlying causes of addiction which are often trauma or mental health issues.
Offering Practical Support
While professional treatment is crucial when it comes to recovery, everyday and practical support from friends and family can also make a huge difference.
Below are a number of different ways that you can offer practical support to your loved one who is suffering from an addiction issue.
1. Helping them to research different treatment options
When it comes to offering your loved one practical support, looking into detox or rehab facilities together can make the process feel a lot less overwhelming. Whilst they might want to recover from their addiction, they simply offer the levels of motivation needed to seek the support and treatment options themselves.
2. Offering to attend appointments with them
A lot of people suffering from an addiction feel anxious about attending their first therapy session or addiction assessment alone. Offering to go with them for support will make a huge difference when it comes to their comfort and their anxiety levels.
3. Supporting healthier routines
Finally, routines are incredibly important when it comes to recovery. Inviting your loved one to join you for healthy activities such as walking, cooking healthy meals, or taking part in creative hobbies can help them to rediscover enjoyment outside of substance use and create healthier routines.
Avoiding Enabling Behaviours
When supporting someone through an addiction issue, it is important to recognise the difference between helping and enabling someone’s behaviour. Enabling behaviours unintentionally allow someone’s addiction to continue or get worse. Below is a list of some of the most common enabling behaviours.
- Covering up for someone’s bad behaviour
- Lending them money
- Ignoring harmful patterns out of fear of confrontation them
- Taking responsibility for their addiction
Setting boundaries early on can feel difficult, especially when you care deeply about someone. However, boundaries protect both you and the person struggling with addiction and should always be put in place early on.
Taking Care of Yourself
Finally, supporting someone through addiction can be emotionally draining for the individual. Friends and family members often experience high levels of stress, anxiety and feelings of helplessness. When supporting your loved one through addiction, it is essential to prioritise your own wellbeing while supporting them.
You should take time to seek your own support, set emotional boundaries, prioritise your own routines and recognise when it might be time to step back.
