Felicia Sabartinelli’s story is one of remarkable resilience and transformation. From the depths of personal tragedy and overwhelming challenges between 2019 and 2021, she emerged with a renewed sense of purpose and strength. Her journey—marked by profound loss, health battles, and career shifts—became the catalyst for rewriting her life narrative. Through international writing residencies, deep self-reflection, and unwavering determination, Felicia rebuilt her world, embracing new opportunities and forging a creative path that celebrates authenticity and courage. Her inspiring story reminds us all of the power of perseverance and the beauty of embracing life’s turning points.
Can you describe the impact of the challenging events from 2019-2021 on your life and how they influenced your journey of rewriting your story?
From 2019 to 2021, I experienced – what I can only describe as – my rock-bottom years. It felt like anything that could go wrong did and I wouldn’t survive it.
In February 2019, my brother-in-law and his best friend were killed in a tragic accident, leaving my little sister widowed at 28 with their two beautiful children. That same year, my best friend’s mother passed away, I switched careers, ended an emotionally abusive relationship with a man who would continue to harass me for the next two years, broke my toe, was in a bad car accident, and moved back home with family.
In 2020 & 2021, the pandemic broke out and I lost half my income due to closures, found out I had stage four endometriosis, and later had to have a hysterectomy, ruining all chances of ever having a child. I fought with family and at times felt very isolated and alone and, well, I could go on, but as you can probably see, life felt very much against me.
The beautiful silver lining from these tumultuous years – the impact of these challenging events – was that I fought like hell to rewrite my story. Like, what did I have to lose? What was there left to be scared of, when in reality, it had already happened? I was in my late thirties and as I saw it, nothing else could be taken from me as I had already lost so much. So, why not try to create a new life?
Not only did I learn how to set strong boundaries between myself and others but I no longer allowed unsupportive or unappreciative people into my life. I obtained a second bachelor’s in creative writing, attended international writing residencies, traveled, and ultimately moved to another country and met my amazing partner. Now, at forty, the unfortunate incidents I survived helped me build this new incredible life and I am very grateful for the journey.
What was the significance of applying to the writer’s residency in Iceland, and how did it act as a turning point in your life?
When I applied to an Iceland writer’s residency in June of 2021, I had no idea it was going to be the turning point in my life. First, I applied on a whim and was absolutely gobsmacked that I was accepted. Then I had a minor panic attack upon acceptance when I thought about how I was going to ask my work for the time off but, what did I have to lose? All they could say was “no,” right?
Luckily, I made a good enough case for my cause because my supervisors allowed me to work remotely part-time and supplement the other hours with my PTO during my residency. (Yay!) And I took a short-term part-time job (on top of my full-time career) to make the extra cash to support the trip.
That November, I spent the next four weeks writing under the northern lights, making new friends, and writing about the trauma I had endured. I didn’t have any real expectations – other than, to get some writing done – but ultimately writing in Iceland gave me the courage and confidence to keep going: To travel further, to write more, and to see how much I could achieve if I stopped telling myself “no.”
And by making it work in Iceland, I applied to two other residences in Turkey and Finland, and spent ten weeks traveling around Europe – all work approved. I also applied (and was accepted) into graduate school in Scotland, and was able to live my dream of living overseas.
Iceland, ultimately, gave me the courage to do the things I always wanted, to stop creating roadblocks, and instead, find my way.
How did you find the strength to overcome the multitude of difficulties you faced during that period?
When you reach rock bottom, when you feel you have nothing more to give or lose, and are broke as hell, you become acquainted with your stripped version; who you are at your core, and what you can do (or achieve) when you no longer fear what you cannot see. It’s survival mode – it’s no more “what ifs” but “what is.”
Life continually ebbs and flows between bliss, and stagnancy, with a multitude of challenges but you learn resilience. You learn to keep going… because all it takes is one win to feel that surge of hope again. And, for me, hope has always been the truest foundation of strength.
What role did your travels and international residencies play in your personal growth and transformation?
I wasn’t aware of the role travel (and the international residencies) played in my personal growth and transformation until much later in my journey. At first, I viewed it as the catalyst – the jump start I needed to get myself out of rock bottom. It wasn’t until a few years later I recognized that the experiences I had were (layer by layer) uncovering my deepest self; who I really am, why I do x, y, or z, and what fulfills my soul. That never would have happened if I hadn’t pushed myself to do something new outside my comfort zone.
Also, I think it’s important to note that, yes, I have traveled a lot but I’m not a wealthy person and didn’t start traveling until I was 30. I grew up without money, in a working-class family, but have worked my ass off – often with multiple jobs – and have learned how to travel on a budget. Also, there are so many opportunities that exist for creatives to travel and create internationally. I highly recommend ResArtis to find residencies – many offer free housing, stipends, and travel.
How has your experience with endometriosis and subsequent hysterectomy shaped your perspective on resilience and strength?
… it’s hard to verbalize how my experience with endometriosis (and my hysterectomy) continues to shape my life. Right now, just today – as I’m writing this – I’m preparing for another surgery. Not only do I have multiple, large ovarian cysts but my endometriosis is back with a vengeance. I’m waiting for an MRI that will determine if I have bladder and bowel endometriosis as well, which may mean I’ll need additional surgeries. And I’m terrified that I’ll lose my ovaries (with this surgery) due to the damage. I don’t want to go through menopause at 40.
When I had my hysterectomy at 37, I grieved the children I had lost (through multiple miscarriages) and those I’d never carry. Saying goodbye to a lifelong dream. This time, I feel like I’m saying goodbye to my youth – my hormones – and I’m worried about how this will ultimately affect me; early menopause, possibly losing my sex drive, and gaining even more weight (I also have PCOS and that’s already a struggle ).
This is just another reminder that no matter how much resilience and strength we acquire, life continues. The journey is never over, but you do feel more equipped to handle whatever comes your way.
What does seeing the beauty and necessity of all moments mean to you, and how has this perspective influenced your approach to life?
I think everyone, at some point, has wished for a magic lamp or genie that could eliminate life’s challenges or change our past. I recognize that there is beauty in all our moments, and how they’re necessary for the growth and evolution of our spirit.
I definitely wouldn’t be this version of myself if I hadn’t gone through everything I have. My empathy, compassion, and understanding are because it’s never really been easy, it’s been challenging and luckily the rewards have outweighed any bad I’ve encountered. And I think if you can approach life knowing – to quote the great Sheryl Crow – “every day is a winding road” you find a lot more appreciation in the simplicity of just living the story.
How do you balance your writing projects, including your chapbook, memoir, and fiction novel, with the emotional and mental challenges you’ve faced?
The most important thing – when balancing my creative projects with life – is not to push myself too much. You have to listen to your body. If you’re feeling tired, rest. If you are not feeling creative, don’t push it. My best work – whether a chapbook, personal essays, poetry, or visual art – was created when I was ready to do it. When I didn’t push it. When it had no place but to go but outside myself.
I think there’s a misconception when it comes to creativity and rest; As if, if you’re not creating, every day, all the time, you’re not a creative. You’re failing. Which is absolutely ridiculous. I think – even in our stillness, even when we are resting – we are creating.
For me, when I sat with my challenges and emotions, I found that I wrote clearer because I had processed my journey on a deep cellular level. And I wrote better because of it.
How has your move to Scotland and meeting your partner impacted your sense of self and your creative work?
Moving to Scotland and meeting my partner has definitely impacted my sense of self and my creative work. For starters, no matter how much success I had in the US – whether in my career (in charity management) or in my creative and freelance work – I had to start over. It took forever for me to find a job, despite having almost two decades of experience. Also, the freelance and writing community in Scotland is small/tight-knit and feels very exclusive to some degree. I’m an outsider and very aware of that truth. And although most people are wonderful, kind, and open, it’s been difficult finding my place in a new country. I’d even say it’s been the most challenging aspect of my new life, but I just keep telling myself that it will take time and that one day, it will all click.
Also, having an incredible, supportive, and healthy relationship has impacted my self-worth, exponentially. Because I have a wonderfully loving partner, I have been able to focus and produce substantial creative work and I cannot begin to tell you how grateful I am for that. (Love you, James!)
- What advice would you give to women who are struggling with feelings of being stuck or overwhelmed by their current circumstances?
If you’re feeling stuck and overwhelmed in your current circumstance remember that being stuck is temporary. If you can, view this time as a much-needed pause to go inward; self-reflection can do wonders for our growth and transformation. When you eventually move out of this state of being, you will be more ready for the next chapter, and whatever lies ahead. Usually, I’ve found, our greatest moments happen after our worst. So, hold on, this too shall pass.
How do you use your Substack (Ferocious) to process and share your experiences, and what impact has it had on your writing and personal journey?
For a decade, I shared my personal essays in various magazines, blogs, and publications, but I always found my work was over-edited, changed to appeal to (insert some trendy) demographic, and it left me feeling despondent. So, when I started writing my Substack newsletter, Ferocious, I really wanted it to be quality writing that was 100% me – unfiltered, uncensored, and an honest representation of where I’m currently at in my life.
Ferocious has been a wonderful conduit for processing and sharing my life experiences, thoughts, and musings. Dedicating myself to sharing two newsletters a month has not only kept me focused and connected to my audience, but has opened many doors for me: widening my audience, obtaining exclusive books for review, booking author interviews, and much more.
However, the most amazing part is that by sharing my journey, I can (hopefully) inspire others to do the same. I love the connection that occurs when we openly share our experiences, ultimately shortening the distance of isolation, and building stronger emotional communities.
What insights or lessons have you gained from your international residencies and experiences in different countries?
I love traveling! For the longest time, I believed my best insights and lessons came from experiencing different cultures, food, and people. This isn’t necessarily untrue, but the best knowledge I‘ve gained through international travel and residencies has been learning more about myself in the process. For example, in my new chapbook, “Table for One,” I had one small – seemingly insignificant moment – that taught me so much about myself; how fear has dictated much of my life and has been ultimately influenced by American violence.
By experiencing different cultures and dynamics, I’ve come to understand more about myself; why I do things a certain way, how I’ve been shaped by my past, and what brings me joy, or makes me feel uncomfortable. This seems to be the main theme of my writing these days, as I find it to be the most enlightening and exciting.
How do you stay motivated and focused while working on multiple writing projects and dealing with past challenges?
Motivation and focus come and go (for me) but when it arrives, I fully take advantage of that and don’t punish myself otherwise. When I’m working on multiple projects, I usually lean into what I’m feeling at the moment; what project is most exciting, what is easiest to dive into, and what inspires me.
Now, when it comes to freelance work – not mine, I usually tackle projects based on deadlines and depth of work. And muddle through with the help of a good playlist, snacks, and Coca-Cola. Finding a quiet place to work helps too; no distractions. And plenty of self-care breaks so I don’t become a zombie. (HA!)
What role has self-compassion and self-care played in your healing and creative process?
Self-compassion and self-care have been essential in my healing and creative process. I’m not a perfect person. I have made terrible, bad, and embarrassing decisions. I have often said the wrong thing, made the wrong decision, and been a work in progress, more often than not. However, by having compassion for my human journey – knowing I’m learning and evolving all the time and taking the time to heal wounds and patterns – I have been able to grow (creatively speaking) tenfold. Being authentic is key – and what, I believe – resonates for others. We’re all a work in progress. Don’t be afraid to share that truth with others.
Can you offer any final thoughts or words of encouragement for women who are navigating their own difficult journeys and seeking transformation?
Years ago, someone told me – while I was having a mental breakdown, “The sun will come out tomorrow.” It sounds so basic but – damn! – if it’s not true. Whatever difficulties you are facing today, tomorrow is a new day. Life can look very different in a day from now. Life can change, literally overnight. So, take a deep breath, do whatever you can today – don’t focus too far into the future, and allow yourself to just be. *This* is, truly, temporary, and one day the difficulties you’re facing now will be the things you are most appreciative of later.
Felicia Sabartinelli is a Coloradoan living in Scotland whose poetry and prose have been published in major magazines, newspapers, and anthologies. Many of her personal essays are still in wide circulation like My Miscarriages Ruined My Marriage, The Invisible Hierarchy of Grief (2021 Writer’s Digest award winner), and Just a Bad Period which detailed her infertility journey. She holds a Master of Letters degree in Creative Writing from the University of Stirling, and is currently working on her debut novel and biweekly newsletter, Ferocious. When she is not writing, you can find Felicia traveling the world, binge-watching her favorite TV shows, or speaking on creativity and self-realization.
Links:Website: https://www.feliciasabartinelli.com/
Chapbook: Print: ‘Table for One‘ – eBook:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sabartinelli
TikTok:@sabartinelli
