Towards the end of 2024, I was hit with multiple stressors. My daughter was struggling with a chronic illness which was, for lack of a better word, hard. I also lost my job right before the holidays and appliances in our house started breaking. I let the negative thoughts creep in and before I knew it, I was actively swimming in a pool of toxicity. I even began dialogues of negative self-talk. My husband was quick to point out that toxic traits aren’t helpful. In fact, they’re extremely harmful to yourself as well as those you care about.
Once I decided to crawl out of the muck of negativity and actively focus on my mental health, I realized that there are A LOT of toxic traits. I focused on the patterns and triggers in my life. I made a point to re-wire my brain, so to speak. Once I started ditching the toxic traits I saw in myself, I felt lighter, happier, and my stress and anxiety levels dropped. (Shocker, right?)
There are a lot of people walking around, proudly displaying their toxic traits. We all know someone like this. It happens to the best of us, but toxic traits are considered bad for a reason.
Negativity is a huge toxic trait! After a while, negativity consumes you! Every thought, every comment, everything is dripping with a negative view. Have you ever been around someone who just seems to have a negative spin for every little thing? Guess what? No one likes being around someone who is always negative. It’s a toxic trait for a reason. Most of us remember Debbie Downer from Saturday Night Live. She had a talent for twisting everything into a negative point of view. I realize she’s only a character, but sadly, there truly are people like that walking among us.
Negativity isn’t the only toxic trait. Playing the victim or placing the blame on other people is also considered toxic. Sure, someone may have done you wrong in the past, but eventually, you have to accept accountability for your own decisions. The blame game is not only immature, but it can hinder personal growth in a huge way. I mean, you never have to change or grow as a person. Why bother? Just sit back, grumble, and blame someone else. It’s significantly toxic.
How about a lack of empathy? According to the American Psychological Association, empathy in today’s society is declining, while narcissism is on the rise. We no longer feel the need to help that homeless person living in a tent in the shopping center parking lot (or wherever they may be). Instead, we judge them and try to rationalize their situation, as we head back to our warm, comfortable homes.
Setting boundaries is very important for one’s mental health, as well. As you walk through life, you’ll encounter people who do not respect your boundaries. The mobile location app, Life360, has frequented news articles for causing boundary issues and a lack of privacy. Most of the concerns stem from adults who are followed on the apps by their parents. Imagine you’re a woman in your 30s and you go to a walk-in clinic for strep. While you’re sitting in the waiting room, you get a text from your mother. “Why are you at the walk-in clinic?” Guess what? That’s a lack of boundaries.
In order to obtain a healthy mental state, you have to set boundaries. When someone asks if you did something they think you should be doing (and I’m not talking about an employer) and then demand an explanation? Yup. Lack of boundaries.
We all have toxic traits. We’re human. However, some people cling to toxic traits as if they are super powers. We all know these people. They scoff at positive remarks, they mock things, everything they say is negative, they’re overly nosy, they despair about everything, or they refuse to take responsibility for their own actions/decisions.
Did you know that toxic traits can even be learned through our environment? That’s right. As we’re growing up and witnessing adults’ toxic traits, we begin to take on those traits. Gross, right? This also means that if you’re around a toxic person for significant periods of time, their toxicity can quite literally rub off on you. As we let one toxic trait in, it begins to grow, until it seems to have a life of its own. Given the chance to get out of hand, these traits can lead to isolation, because who really wants to be around that? Also, allowing this toxicity to grow can actually keep YOU from growing as a person. It can hinder self-awareness, which in turn limits your ability to learn and grow. As humans, we should never stop learning or growing.
Toxic traits actually spread negativity. Did you know that? If left unchecked, it can actually affect the well-being of others, not to mention your own.
Take a look at yourself. Are you harboring toxic traits? Are you clinging to them like they’re treasures you can’t part with? The word toxic literally means “poisonous.” We are, in actuality, poisoning our mental health with toxic traits.
Ditch them! By ditching the toxicity, you’ll not only form healthier relationships with others, but it will actually improve your overall well-being.
I saw the ugly truth within myself and actively worked to make positive changes and ditch the toxicity. What a load off! Literally! If I can do it, so can you!
