Meet Diane Billas, a passionate author who has embarked on a profound journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance, embracing her identity as a pansexual/demisexual queer woman. Through her experiences in music school and beyond, Diane navigated the complexities of her sexuality, eventually finding solace and understanding through her writing. Her debut young adult sapphic novel, Does Love Always Win?, and upcoming release Superficial, reflect her journey and commitment to LGBTQ+ representation in literature. In this interview, Diane candidly shares her challenges, inspirations, and advice for aspiring authors seeking to write inclusive and diverse stories.
Can you share with us your personal journey of discovering and embracing your identity as a pansexual/demisexual queer woman?
Before I went to college I never even heard of the term bisexual. I knew of lesbian and gay, but the term bisexual wasn’t in my vocabulary. Enter music school and a whole world was opened up to me. I first came upon the thought near the end of my freshmen year of college and finally admitted to my junior year of college to myself, and my best friend, that I was in fact bisexual. After I graduated, I dated both men and women, but rarely told people when I had a girlfriend. I still wasn’t comfortable being out to the world. I was afraid of what people would say about me, especially my family. Then fast forward some years and I met my now husband. I almost immediately knew he was the one. I shut down all my dating profiles and settled down. I kept telling myself there was no need to come out to people now, they would be confused. I also, deep down, was telling myself that I didn’t belong in the LGBTQ+ community anyways, I’m married to a man.
During this time, I started writing my young adult sapphic book Does Love Always Win? It was an outlet for me and I began to learn more about myself including that I actually identify as pansexual. The more I wrote my book, the more I learned about myself. I knew I needed to talk it through with someone, so I signed up to begin therapy sessions. I found a therapy center that deals with LGBTQ+ issues, and put in the hard work of accepting myself. Through this counseling, I realized I had internalized biphobia. I hated who I was. Why couldn’t I just pick a gender to like? It took over a year with some intensive counseling to finally begin the acceptance process. Right before the press release dropped for my debut book, I felt comfortable enough to come out to my family and friends and it went better than expected.
I also only recently realized I identify as pansexual and I still am in the process of figuring out that identity. In my next book, a young adult superhero book called Superficial that’s being published in September, the main character is both pansexual and demisexual, and like Does Love Always Win?, writing it has been a great way to find who I am.
What were some of the challenges you faced while writing “Does Love Always Win?” and how did you overcome them?
At one point while I was writing Does Love Always Win?, during one of my rewrites, my book had expanded to 90,000 words, way too many words for a young adult romance novel. I couldn’t believe I let it get to be that many words and I was so frustrated with myself. But I remember having a three day weekend and using that time to chop down my manuscript and somehow I got it to 84,000 words that weekend. It hurt to remove some of my story, so a writer friend suggested I put all my other materials in a Word document in case I would ever want it again, and that helped make me feel more comfortable chopping up my story.
Could you tell us about a particularly inspiring moment during the writing process of your book?
I was querying Does Love Always Win? for publication and I wasn’t getting a single positive response so I made the hard choice to stop the querying process and do an overhaul on the manuscript. I hired an editor and we worked through the book piece by piece at the height of the pandemic. My editor loved my story and really believed in it and that inspired me to keep going. Plus, it was the perfect time to hunker down and change my book for the better. A year later, I finally felt ready to start querying it again, and almost right away, I started receiving responses asking for my entire manuscript, finally resulting in my publishing contract. It was a long, difficult process that finally paid off.
What lessons did you learn about representation and inclusivity in literature through writing a young adult sapphic novel?
When I first started writing this book in 2018, there was a lot less LGBTQ+ representation in published books, especially sapphic representation. I couldn’t find many comparable titles when I began the querying process, which made me want to get my story out there even more. There were a lot less publishers willing to take the risk of picking up a sapphic novel because it’s such a niche audience, but I’m happy to say that now there are a lot more sapphic books being published.
How do you believe your book contributes to the LGBTQ+ community and what impact do you hope it has on readers?
I hope that Does Love Always Win? shows that there are various ways to accept yourself, and it’s okay to be messy and not know exactly how you identify. I believe my book will help others who might be in a similar position, or even help LGBTQ+ allies understand a little bit more about the realities of coming out.
What advice would you give to aspiring authors who want to write inclusive and diverse stories but may be hesitant or facing obstacles?
I’ll say what I told myself. I was extremely scared to write a sapphic novel, especially since I wasn’t out to many people and married to a man. The thought of actually publishing an LGBTQ+ focused book terrified me but it’s what I felt called to write, so I wrote it anyways. I told myself I’d figure out the rest of the logistics later, and I did. There are many LGBTQ+ writers/authors that have helped me along the way; the LGBTQ+ community is so supportive and I’d encourage anyone interested in writing inclusive and diverse stories to continue to forge ahead while finding your people to lift you up. You never know who your story could touch and help.
Can you share a bit about your experience as a queer woman in the publishing industry and any challenges or successes you’ve encountered along the way?
As I was marketing my book, I ran into some questions regarding my sexuality. I had a reporter say to me that they saw I had a husband and son, but I call myself a “queer author” and asked me to explain this seeming contradiction. Hearing this triggered all my previous fears about fitting in the LGBTQ+ community and my internalized biphobia. But I used it as a teaching experience. I’ve used my whole publishing experience as a teaching experience, to help people understand more about what we have to go through.
Something that’s happened to me that I consider a success is readers and writers have been reaching out to me and sharing their story, many of them not ready to come out. I’ve been able to listen and emphasize with people as they are finding their own way, and providing them resources if they need it.
What motivates you to continue writing and advocating for LGBTQ+ representation in literature?
Growing up I had no access to any LGBTQ+ literature and I don’t want others to be in the same position as me. Because of this, I will continue to write queer books, hoping others can relate to the characters and storylines I create.
Looking back on your journey, what is one piece of advice you would give to your younger self regarding self-acceptance and pursuing your passions?
I’d tell myself to care less about what people think. Being a perpetual people pleaser, that’s very difficult, but I’m starting to not worry as much about pleasing others and more about what makes me happy. And right now it’s writing queer characters while not having to hide who I really am.
