In a world where many women find themselves constantly juggling responsibilities, it takes immense courage to pause, listen to their inner voice, and choose a path that truly resonates with their soul. Christa Light did just that when she made the life-altering decision to leave behind the familiar and step into the unknown. From her heartfelt reflections on the challenges and triumphs of choosing herself, Christa’s story is a powerful testament to the strength found in self-compassion, intuition, and embracing the unexpected. Her journey is not just a leap across continents but a profound inward journey toward authenticity and joy. In this interview, Christa shares the wisdom she’s gained along the way, offering inspiration to women everywhere to trust their instincts and live life on their own terms.
Can you share more about the decision-making process that led you to choose yourself at Heathrow?
The decision was not, of course, made at Heathrow itself though it certainly hit home in a big way, seeing my family walk away in the opposite direction. It was the first time, perhaps, that I realised I was stepping firmly onto a different path from the one I’d been on for 25 years or so, even after a few years of knowing there was a big shift coming.
There were a series of much smaller choices which led to that day. I had spent five decades taking care of other people and had always put my family first. Growing up under less than ideal conditions led to dreaming of having a family of my own and so I suppressed my own needs for so long – and believed the societal stories of what would make me happy, pursuing that dream relentlessly. It would take me a long time to see that this stuffing down of my own emotions and needs was to the great detriment of my own health and well being and likely my ability to form relationships as well. It’s hard for anyone to live with and love someone who is constantly trying to be someone they are not. When I finally began to see these patterns (after years of dealing with healing from many years of trauma), I began to choose to treat myself with compassion slowly and not always steadily. This process took years of therapy, creating and time in nature as well as the company of extraordinary people who helped me develop a connection with my own inner wisdom as well as ancestors and guides. That connection is ultimately what allowed me to change my life in what I realise is a rather radical way.
What were some of the immediate reactions from your family, and how did you handle them?
Most of my immediate family and many of my closest friends were not able to process my decision and the way I chose to live my life and so that led to great loss. It also likely says a lot about the nature of those relationships and that took time to grieve. More than anything, I had to forgive myself as their decisions were a reflection of how little I’d let them really know me, how I had not known myself. The people from my old life who have been deeply supportive over the last decade somehow saw who I was under the masks I used to wear and continue to be delighted that I let myself live in a way that brings me joy and allows me to be seen. The circle of family and friends around me today are very different, and our connections are much more reciprocal, which seems to work far better. While I was surprised at some of the friends I lost in transition, and the loss of those relationships is something I will always feel, I am grateful for the chosen family and friends I’ve created along the way.
How did you prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for such a significant change?
Having grown up in the Christian tradition, I’d accumulated a certain amount of shame and guilt along the way given my perfectionistic tendencies. I studied Buddhism and mindfulness over several years before I left the US and found a great deal of healing in practices like metta mediation and tonglen, along with ho’oponopono prayer. Learning to develop self compassion really allowed me to heal in a way that traditional psychotherapy couldn’t reach. I had a lot of old beliefs to shed from my childhood and these practices freed me in ways that are beyond what I’d hoped for. I honed my intuitive gifts, too, and developed quite a bag of tools which I began to share with others. I still use them, as needed, today. And the traditional African spirituality practices I’ve been taught, like the Buddhist ones, mirror much more closely my own innate ways of thinking about life so that has helped me to create my life in a more true way.
What were the key factors that helped you trust your intuition during this period?
In the process of recovering from my own trauma history and guiding others through theirs, I had really built a strong relationship with my inner knowing and a realisation that we each hold our own version of truth. Holding that truth against anything that happened along the way became my guide to making decisions, no matter how crazy they seemed to others. Listening to the advice and shoulds/should nots of others, whether individual or institutional, had not worked out well for me and so I developed a strong belief that I needed to listen and find my own way.
Good company is always so important too. After five plus decades, I had befriended myself and begun to trust myself much more than I ever had. Beyond that, I had created a strong faith by combining teachings which speak to me and practiced it long enough that it was a strong safety net. I had a few good friends back in the States and a small circle of adopted family and friends here who helped me remember why I’d made the decisions I did.
How has choosing yourself impacted your life and relationships since that moment?
As hard as it was to lose people I loved in the process of moving to South Africa, the relationships I have formed here are far stronger and deeper than those I left behind. I’ve been nothing but myself since I stepped foot on South African soil, in a way I never felt I could be in the United States. It took me a very long time and a lot of work to become me and while I never understood that I was not being true to myself for so long, once I did there was no fitting back in the original box I’d created in my efforts to make everyone happy. While life isn’t always easy, at least I know I’m living in integrity, and have peace within. Life here has its challenges, of course, and yet I have never regretted my decision.
Can you describe a specific instance where you had to reaffirm your decision to choose yourself?
Immigrating to South Africa is a very long complicated process, far lengthier than anyone had prepared me for. Going through those steps over several years required recommitting to my decision, over and over, often while sitting in a very long queue at Home Affairs. Those days were an excellent opportunity to question my decision though the steps it would take to return to the US and knit together another life seemed far more difficult.
On an emotional level, the loss of friends and family – many I never imagined would cut ties with me for any reason – obviously made me question my decisions as well. There were many forks in the road where I could have returned to the US, to what remained of my old life but it always came down to the original knowing that South Africa is where I belong. I honestly cannot imagine ever changing my mind and given the way things have gone in the States in recent years, people there seem to understand my move far better, even openly stating their envy from time to time. You really never know how things will change in the world at large, so why not plant myself where I can grow to my full potential and live a life that brings me joy?
What are some small ways women can start choosing themselves in their everyday lives?
Even the simplest things can be life changing, especially over time. So many of us don’t even realise how we ignore many of our basic needs at home and at work. I remember working with a hot shot commercial real estate broker when I was young – she was fantastically successful at a time when women, particularly in the American South, weren’t easily accepted and she worked very hard to prove her value. She also constantly had urinary tract infections because she didn’t excuse herself when she needed to use the bathroom! So I learned many lessons from watching here and other women I admired.
If you’re doing the whole balancing life, work, kids/parents, home and more thing, then your own care tends to be the first thing to be postponed or forgotten. My best friend and I will often ask each other if we’ve eaten – it’s good to have that kind of support, but likely better if we just get in the habit of prioritising our own needs. As the flight attendant always reminds us, put on your own oxygen mask first!
I’ve thought of my own process as creating a beautiful tapestry from a pile of yarn and string, tangled and knotted. Once I sorted it what I wanted, I could pull individual threads from the heap and slowly sort out the kinks and knots, weaving them together in a pattern unique to me. It’s the work of a lifetime, and not one you’ll receive an embossed invitation to. It’s a decision you make over and over, to create your own life.
Have you faced any unexpected challenges since making this choice? If so, how did you overcome them?
Certainly – quite a few! My life has been full of big waves. In 2022, I was intentionally poisoned over many months and landed in the ICU for three weeks with no certainty as to how much I would recover. Most die under those circumstances and that would have been far easier than going through a gruelling recovery process but that tool kit I had put together over the years allowed me to work even with this situation in a way that left the doctors shaking their heads. While they consider me a miracle, I know that I’d developed the skills to stay true to my spirit and along with the devotion of my family and friends and my faith, that allowed me to thrive again.
In the face of challenges, I find myself going back to my basic tools and practices and simplifying things, overall. The day to day things too, that I tend to drop under stress, like good sleep, good food and good practices, preferably in good company. . I think we call things like meditation and breathing our “practices” for a reason. It’s easy to practice them when things are relatively calm – the real “test” comes when things go awry. I have a strong spiritual practice, too, which is also easy to let go of when everything is working well. Somehow we all forget all these goodies when life is all flowers and unicorns and the trick is to catch yourself and get back in the groove of what supports you as soon as you realise you’ve forgotten.
What advice would you give to someone struggling to trust their own instincts?
This comes up a lot. I believe that starting with small things is the way to build that intuitive muscle but first you need to find a way to get still, to find enough quiet to hear your inner voice. So mindfulness practices are obviously one way to do it, though something like walking meditation or a simple walk in the woods works for many. Listening to soft music, doing free writing, drawing or painting will all center you – even a long soak in the bath.
Once you feel like you can hear yourself, start to play with asking yourself what you want. Most of us don’t know what we really want, do we? It’s quite shocking when you realise that you’re spending so much time and effort chasing a life that someone else, the media, or the world told you would make you happy. Working with your intuition is a reciprocal thing, like an infinity symbol. If you haven’t been listening to your own wisdom, as so many of us do not, then you’ll need to build trust. Like any good relationship, it takes time and intention. We are pretty wired to let our intellect run things and that’s not where your intuition lives.
And then, you can easily learn tools to test whether your inner voice is intuition or learned fear or anxiety. In time, you’ll easily know the difference, and then it just becomes a choice, deciding what to listen to. I wish we taught all this in kindergarten- the world would be a very different place.
Beyond this, good company is necessary. Finding an unbiased guide of some sort can be a safe landing space in the challenging times and a wonderful support along the way. Pay attention too, to the people you surround yourself with. They are part of your environment and as the theory of nature/nurture says, your surroundings have a great deal to do with your happiness, peace and experiences.
How did this experience reshape your perspective on personal growth and self-care?
It has shown me how critical personal growth is, not only on an individual level but on a familial, community and world wide one. The world would heal magically if we all put our own healing and growth first.
What role has intuition played in other significant decisions you’ve made in your life?
At this point, I live intuitively. I followed the steps I mentioned and practiced the tools and learned to trust myself to the point that it’s pretty much second nature though I can certainly slip into brain mode. Since moving to South Africa, I’ve had to adjust and pivot in big ways several times, following my intuition over what other people said or thought. I know it’s not the norm yet there is so much freedom in living this way. I really wish tuning into your intuition was taught to us from a very young age. Children already know how to do this, and if we supported that as they grow, we’d all be better off.
How do you stay connected to your inner voice and ensure you’re making choices aligned with your true self?
I find it necessary to slow things down, it is really the most critical part and a challenge in today’s world. . We live in a way that isn’t really suited for human beings in terms of time, pressure and social norms. Taking some of the pressure off and getting still really allows you to hear your inner voice – without quiet, you can’t hear the whispering of your soul.
For me, that means time every day spent in meditation, chatting to myself in that quiet time just before I sleep, paying attention to my dreams and allowing myself to reflect on whatever comes up. These practices have to come first, at this point in my life, and everything else flows better from there. It allows me to be a better mother, friend, guide and citizen of the world so in an odd way, I’ve come full circle. Taking care of my own soul and listening to my inner voice brings my best self to everyone else.
Can you share any resources or practices that have helped you in your journey of self-discovery?
I’ve mentioned practices but beyond that, it’s about trusting yourself and letting go of the way you thought things would be. The brain is persistent, and we all have little voices in our heads from things we were told as we grew. Learning to ask yourself “who said that” when the Dos, Don’ts and Shoulds come up is invaluable. And then the follow up question becomes “would I even ask that person for directions now?’ – it’s hard to believe the amounts of old teaching we have lurking in our minds, long after we’ve outgrown the need for them and they often come from sources we wouldn’t pay attention to in the present day.
What message would you like to convey to other women who are contemplating a similar leap?
It certainly doesn’t have to be as extreme as the leap I made! A series of small changes is often preferable though we each have our own ways of making change. I think the important thing is to continue to choose yourself, over and over, at every fork in the road and remember that your own happiness is a gift to the world. Women have defined themselves by external rules for long enough, it’s time for us all to remember and embrace our own sovereignty. Imagine what that would do for this world.
