In life, we often rely on the support of those close to us to help us through tough times. But what if those people let us down? What if they leave us feeling abandoned? It’s a scary thought, but sometimes being on our own teaches us important lessons. This interview with Antia Carr explores how letting go of important people in our lives can actually show us how strong we are alone. It’s a journey of self-discovery, where we learn that we’re enough, even without anyone else by our side
What inspired you to push through the challenges you faced during this journey?
Knowing that the real me, the me that was put on this earth to do so much more, would emerge from tackling the challenges head on and doing the hard work to make sure she had everything she needed when she was released from her cocoon.
How did you discover your inner strength and resilience during times of adversity?
By going within. There were a lot of times that I went into hermit mode. I didn’t really want to see anyone or go anywhere. I needed to care for me
Were there any specific tools or resources that helped you navigate through the process of rewriting your story?
I have a psychologist that I see regularly. She was pivotal in having quite a few AHA moments and working through trauma’s and disappoinments and overwhelm. Something else I do regularly is journal and walk barefoot on the beach. Thos two things are my form of meditation. Having ADHD, I find meditation hard! But doing those things, I tend to be in the present, and I tend to get answers and ideas flow to me at those times.
How did you deal with self-doubt or moments of uncertainty along the way?
I like to stop and look at how far I’ve come. A year ago, or 4 years ago. I was in very different places at both of those times. I give myself a hug and tell myself how proud I am of myself for being brave to make change in my life. That I’ve gotten through so much already, I can totally get through this!
Can you share a particular breakthrough moment that helped you realize your own worth and capabilities?
I don’t think there was.
What role did self-care and prioritizing your well-being play in your transformation?
A massive part! I had to learn not to feel guilty for prioritising myself. For taking breaks. Having naps. Going for massages or pedicures. Sitting and reading. Taking myself out on dates. As women, we’ve been conditioned to think that we are lazy if we aren’t always doing something. Which is a really hard concept to reverse. But I now give myself permission to do it.
Were there any unexpected lessons or insights that emerged as you worked on rewriting your story?
I had a lot of important people choose to not support me in those tough times and a lot are no longer in my life. As devastating as it was, and how unfair it felt, it was then that I realised I needed to be left to fend for myself, because that was my greatest fear, to be left to do it all alone. But it’s from there that you rise from the ashes, stronger, more determined and more alive. I can look back and know that I did it ALL BY MYSELF. So nothing seems as scary anymore. Because I already conquered my worst fear on my own. So I might as well keep on conquering!
How did you manage to cultivate a sense of empowerment and independence, especially after letting go of important people in your life?
I suppose I had nowhere else to go other than up. I have 3 young kids who I adore and who I want to be the best version of myself for them too. I started the journey knowing it was going to be hard. So I did and still do a lot of positive self talk and affirmations. I also talk to my inner child. I talk to my 6 year old self. Because I think that’s where a lot of my healing needs to take place. I talk to her like I would my own children. I talk to “us” I say things like “we’re going to be ok” or “I’m proud of you or of us for standing up for ourselves, or for doing the hard thing”. And hug myself which is ultimately all versions of myself.
I also have this determination to succeed at all the things I’ve been told that I wouldn’t succeed at. So there’s a bit of ‘screw you, I’m gonna prove you wrong” going on, which I think is healthy and proves to be a driving force!
Can you describe the support system or community that helped you during this process?
My circle got smaller. I started to choose the right people to speak to about certain issues that I knew they would understand. That they had experienced themselves. I think before I put all my eggs in one basket, so to speak. I was going to the same people for support and advice on everything, even though they had no experience of living a lot of it themselves.
Funnily enough, I’ve also found a lot of support and great insight from men! Which is funny because bad relationships with men is what got me here to start with! I have gained friends and confidants in men in unexpected places. I think having those newfound positive relationships with men has helped me to heal some of those wounds.
What advice do you have for individuals who are hesitant or afraid to embark on their own journey of rewriting their story?
Think about where you are in your life right now. Would you be happy still living this life in 10 years? Or for the rest of your life? The thought of that for me made me feel sick, so that’s when I 100% knew I had to make some tough decisions.
And believe me, it is hard. It’s no walk in the park! But When you can see the life you know you were always meant to live, start appearing in the distance, you know you made the right choice and there’s no going back.
How do you maintain your newfound sense of self and resilience in the face of new challenges or setbacks?
I revert back to my hermit mode. Go within. Go for more walks on the beach to ground myself. Nap more. Write. Talk to like minded people. The people that have been through similar things and actually understand what you are going through. And ultimately just cheering myself on. Saying affirmations, and truly believing everything will get better.
Can you share any future goals or aspirations you have as you continue to evolve and grow?
I probably have too many! I’d really love to speak more. To use my newfound voice to tell my story in front of people, to inspire them to be brave even though it feels impossible to do the thing. Because I know that feeling. But I now know that it’s not impossible.
I’m also launching the Further More Academy, which is an online school where you can enroll in online courses to learn more about your ADHD and how to rediscover yourself.
There’s lots more, but they’re the main ones I’m really aspiring for.
Lastly, what message or words of encouragement would you like to share with women who may be struggling to rewrite their own stories?
It’s not hopeless. Even though right now it feels like it. You may think it’s not that bad, other people have it worse etc etc. But there will come a time when you literally have had enough. That you can’t handle the life you are living anymore. But how much time have you wasted waiting for that time to come? I had the epiphany at 37. I knew I still had half my life to go, and I refused to spend the second half of my life feeling the way I did for the first half. I knew there was more. And I wanted to show my kids, that it’s ok to choose yourself. In fact, it’s essential for you to choose yourself and your own joy. I didn’t want them to face the same people pleasing fate that I did, and all other women before me.
