Amanda Montoni’s journey is a testament to the transformative power of passion and resilience. From facing judgment and self-doubt in her dance career to overcoming societal pressures and embracing her true self, Amanda has navigated a path marked by both struggle and triumph. Her experiences have shaped her into a beacon of inspiration, both in the studio and through her writing. In this interview, Amanda opens up about how she transformed adversity into strength, using her personal battles to fuel her creativity and empower others. Her story is a compelling reminder that our greatest challenges can lead to our most profound successes.
1. How did you handle the negative comments and judgment from your dance teacher and peers?
I kept my focus on dance. I wanted to be the absolute best dancer I could be. My longing for honing in on technique and talent, along with my love for dance, kept my heart going. Sure, there were times when the judgement got to me, but dance is what made me happy so I stuck to it and focused on that.
2. What role did self-reflection play in your decision to continue with dance despite the challenges?
It played the role of Balance Checker. Being judged on your body and ability to to move screams self-reflection and self-deprecation. It forced me to look at all context: the people that taught me, my supporters, my capabilities, my willingness to learn, my drive. In a way, kept the judgemental inner-voice at bay, but did say “keep growing.”
3. How did your experience in high school shape your approach to teaching and choreography?
All experiences of our past shape our present and our future. Isolated experiences have a way of taking a priority position in our memory and neglect the layers surrounding it. This specific instance did not reflect the encouraging environment that the studio owners created for all of us growing up. If anything, this high school experience showed me what the dance world could be, and I knew it was not the kind of world I wanted to show my students. This memory pushed me to my purpose: encourage students and create a safe and expressive environment, free from the deprecating shackles of body image.
4. Can you share a specific moment or accomplishment that reinforced your belief in your worth and talent?
On one of my bad days that year in high school, a core memory flashed on the wooden floor boards. I was 6 and in my first ballet class in the very same room at the very same barre. My dance teacher called everyone in the class over to look at my feet. I was the only one doing a tendu correctly on the first try. This was almost unheard of for students just starting Ballet. She made me feel confident and special. Back to the bad day – something sparked in me. A fire. A voice yelling “look at the facts!”: I got moved up a year when I was in elementary school. I was the youngest in the class. A teen amongst college students and 20-somethings. I’m the one who got me to company, no one else. I looked at myself in the mirror. Suddenly I was the superhero version of myself I’ve always envisioned. Overweight and powerful.
5. How did the experience of being judged for your weight impact your mental health and self-esteem?
Before I leaned into my fatness as a superpower, it was all I thought about. I loved keeping up with the trends. In JR High, low waist jeans were all the rage. Hey, it was the early 2000s. My stomach would hang over and at 11 years old I had a muffin top. Pretty soon, I wore oversized clothes to hide my body, which meant I started to hide myself. I started to hide my voice. I became a hermit of a person in her own skin. I didn’t talk to many people because I thought because of my weight, I wasn’t worth talking to. Shyness quickly became my whole personality, except when I was dancing or on stage doing theatre. I didn’t talk to boys. I was afraid of them because I thought they thought I was ugly. I didn’t even have guy friends for years. I thought if I stayed quiet and hid in big clothes, I would be safe. It turns out I was putting myself in danger by hiding my true being.
6. What motivated you to start writing, and how has it been a form of expression for you?
Writing has actually always been there. When I was about 9, I started writing my own poetry. I was (and still am) a HUGE fan of Shel Silverstein. Falling Up is a book I analyzed over and over – so much so that the pages started to fray from flipping them so often. Writing has always been another outlet for me. A path for my hidden self to come out and live.
7. How do you use your personal experiences in your children’s book series to inspire young readers?
All of my experiences as a student and teacher are sprinkled throughout Bella the Buck-Toothed Ballerina. Bella has buck teeth. It just so happens that I had buck teeth as well when I was a kid. In the book, her buck-teeth is her big flaw that opens up the floor to attack her vulnerability and self-esteem. My weight was my big flaw. Judgement from others, lack of self-esteem, the pressure to look perfect, are personified in a bully that points out Bella’s flaw. What the teacher notices in the classroom is much of what I have noticed amongst student interaction in the classroom. Lessons from my childhood dance teachers are also sprinkled throughout, complete with a dedication to them.
8. Can you describe the themes and messages in your romance novel and how they relate to your personal journey?
A big through-line of my romance novel is the stigma around weight when it comes to dating. The impossible standards that women are faced with when it comes to their body image and shape are challenged in this novel. The pressure to be perfect is always looming, much like my journey, and I’m sure women of every age out there.
9. How do you balance your work as an author with your ongoing dance career?
That’s a great question. I don’t have a concrete answer except that I take it day by day and try to stay as present as I possibly can. My calendar and reminders are constantly notifying me almost every minute of every day. Batching work helps.
10. What advice would you give to young dancers who are facing similar challenges in their own journeys?
If it brings you joy, keep doing it. Keep going. What you think of yourself is what ultimately matters most. As I tell my students, and this can mean whatever it means to you: Let it go to let it flow.
11. How do you continue to nurture and develop your self-worth and confidence in your professional life?
I sit. I breathe. I listen to my body. If my body feels alive, it means I’m doing something that nourishes me. That means it feels good. And if it feels good, I roll with it. If my body feels unsafe, it means I may have to meditate on why it feels that way. Then I think about the people around me. I’m lucky to have such great professionals in my circle. It’s really a process of analyzing and staying curious.
12. What impact has the support from your family and friends had on your journey of self-discovery and success?
They are everything. Without them, I wouldn’t be where I am today.
13. How do you deal with external criticism and maintain your focus on your goals and passions?
I sit. I breathe. I listen to my body. I analyze how I’m feeling. Once I allow myself to feel, logic can come in and guide me back to my purpose – my Why. My Why is the reason I do what I do. It’s the most important thing, and if I can help one girl in the world feel less alone, I’m living my dream.
14. What has been the most rewarding part of your transition from dance to writing?
Reaching a wider pool of dreamers out there to say “hey, you’re not alone and you can do it.” The connection is on a different scale.
15. Can you share any future projects or goals you have that excite you?
I’m really excited to be getting back to my roots as a performer. I’m a co-founder of a community theatre company and for 10 years, with the exception of a few productions, I’ve worn more of an administrative hat. I miss performing and learning choreography to musical numbers that I didn’t choreograph. haha. It’s electrifying for me to step into someone else’s shoes and help create different characters. I’m also really excited to get The Sweet Madness Podcast back up and running.
Website: https://www.amandamontoni.com
Instagram: @amanda.montoni
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@AmandaMontoni
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/amandamontonipoetry
The Sweet Madness Podcast: https://linktr.ee/amanda.montoni
