There’s a presence where I know you are behind me.
That you’ll always be with me.
You’ve always been the kindest person in the room.
The one with the biggest smile, biggest laugh, biggest heart.
The one that everyone went to for everything: cry, gossip, laugh, talk.
And yet here you still are, doing the same things.
I can’t see you, hear you, hug you…
I have not seen you lately.
Where have you been?
Everyone misses you.
I miss you.
Have you been…
Guiding others? Taking a vacation? Catching up on the housewives? Taking a stroll with the shoreline?
Saying, “Hi hon!” to others?
Are you placing your hand on others’ shoulders? In order to steer them to peacefulness?
You were one to always lend an ear, while verbalizing truthfulness.
Giving such enlightenment along with a giddy laugh.
Some say you’ll always be with me.
Though again,
I have not seen you lately.
It’s even harder when loneliness creeps up and I can’t find you.
Solitude vs. loneliness comes into mind.
I’ll always feel empty without you here.
But I continue on, because life waits for no one.
I trust you want me to make my own decisions, build my confidence, in order to become my own individual.
That is why I sense you are not here.
But you are…
I know you are amongst us, always.
It can just be difficult to find your company.
It is painful to depict life’s choices when you do not have your best friend by your side.
Especially one that has been with you your whole life, 22 years worth.
To experience your embrace one more time, would settle all my fears in a moment.
To laugh together would bless all my happiness in years to come.
To take an adventure, one that dad has to be on as well (so neither of us did not have to drive), would release any apprehensions in the week.
Writing memories, remembering times,
The ambience changing…
Because as I do this, I feel lighter, more content.
As I weep, this sensation, an aura to say, consumes me. As if you are hugging me, my head resting on your chest, saying everything will work out, your hands rubbing up and down my arm motivating me to gain strength.
Almost as if it was in real time.
I then can breathe…maybe even smile.
As I rest my hand…along yours…on my shoulder.
Because you are here.
