You had laid out all of your red flags right in front of me very early on. I just chose to keep the rose colored glasses on because I liked you.
You would always tell me how much you played with alcohol. How there would be times you didn’t even know how you made it home. That you would get blackout drunk during the daytime. *red flag #1
You would tell me about all the people you had hooked up with. How you couldn’t even remember their names. How hyper sexual you were towards me, forcing me to do things I didn’t want to do; But I wanted you to like me… even if it made me uncomfortable, even if I was left feeling used afterwards. How reckless you are… *red flag #2
You would tell me about all the crazy shit you and your friends would do. At first I would laugh, but I’m not going to lie, I cringed hearing these stories. *red flag #3
It made me realize how drastically different you and me were. You were this wild and reckless individual, while I was a calm and intentional individual. I could never imagine myself doing half the shit you did.
I didn’t like alcohol, I had told you about all the bad experiences I had with alcohol…
With people becoming belligerent or hostile towards me when they drank. How uncomfortable I would become when I noticed a shift in someone’s mood when they had too much to drink.
And yet you would take me to bars. You would order me drinks and I didn’t want to disappoint you; so I forced myself to drink those drinks in order to keep you interested in me. I hated the taste of vodka and tequila after a while. It was bitter and made me feel out of control; My head was dizzy and I felt myself slipping away. This wasn’t me, who was I becoming? I didn’t like the feeling… *red flag #4
But at the time I so badly wanted you to like me.
What a foolish girl I was…
It took me until now to see how it would’ve never worked out between us.
You were a beautifully catastrophic lesson. Thank you for showing me the kind of boy to stay away from.
