I don’t usually write this much. Lol. I THINK this much. But I’m trying to carry over my Healing With the Arts; Writing Module…and…like #hysterectomy. I feel like that’s a general panacea for all things. Bad mood? Hysterectomy. Problems with the world? Hysterectomy. Need another Lego Set? Hysterectomy.
I’ve had so many people reach out with support and gifts, and offering "to be right there with me". Well, unfortunately, you ARE right there with me…all mingled up in my fears. You know the game. It’s a day of imaginary conversations. My apartment is small, but somehow it makes room for every insecurity, manifesting as my closest friends. Here you are, in no particular fictional order.
1.) “Are you kidding me? You posted a registry for a hysterectomy? What a spoiled brat. You think your common surgery is on par with a marriage or a birth? Those are legitimate social celebrations. You barely deserve a bandaid.”
2.) “Why aren’t you answering my texts and questions? I’ve known you for decades, we grew up together. All you’re doing is referring me to a blog? I contacted you personally, don’t I deserve a personal response? All you do is contact me when you want something.”
3.) “What exactly did you expect? You’ve made it very clear you want to do this life on your own. YOU’RE the one who chose not to get married, you chose not to have kids early in life. NOW you want my help? Too late. I’m busy helping myself and my own family.”
4.) “You’re gross. Celebrating a hysterectomy? Posting your deepest fears? My life has been WAY more difficult. I’ve had a cesarean, I’m currently raising 2 kids, you don’t see me posting the nitty gritty gory details. I handle my ish.”
5.) “I don’t want to offend you, but it seems like you’re just doing this for attention. Your symptoms can’t be nearly that bad, just look at your social media posts! You look perfectly fine! Your life is totally full of blessings, quit crying over spilled milk.”
6.) “Geez. Another text? Another blog? All you do is complain. Where is your therapist? All I hear is negativity. This isn’t what I signed up for. I’m just gonna shut off my phone.”
7.) “You don’t have the right to be this empowered. I mean, you MOSTLY control your body, but you’re not an expert. Society is based on the 3 point family model, and you don’t fit it. Why can’t you just do things like everybody else? What, you think you’re special?”
8.) “God is punishing you. He knew you wouldn’t be a good mother. All of your negativity and insecurity has curled itself up in your uterus and is poisoning everything you touch. That’s why you have an auto-immune disorder too. You don’t listen to your body, you never have, and these are the consequences that go with that.
9.) “What kind of registry items are these? Lego Sets? Headphones? Oh, I see, your birthday is in a few days, that’s convenient. What are you scheduling next year, an appendectomy? Let’s focus on some REAL problems…”
10.) “Every time I offer you a new opportunity, professional or otherwise, you say no. It’s so inconvenient trying to work around all of your issues, you’re just not worth it. I can get a younger, more flexible employee, and they won’t cost as much.”
Ooof. While it feels cathartic getting that out on the page, you can see the poison dripping off the fangs, right? I thought about writing a retort to each accusation, but that’s not the point. I believe the Universe gives the ultimate answer of Love to EVERY accusation, and that still applies if judgement comes from within or without. If you HAVE thought anything like this, it’s okay. I forgive you and I still love you. If you’d like to repent….don’t forget to check out my registry, I still really need that pair of headphones…
