In an inspiring interview, Acamea Deadwiler opens up about her heartfelt journey in writing "Daddy's Little Stranger," a memoir inspired by the #GirlDad movement and her personal experience of growing up without a father. Through candid reflections, Acamea discusses the challenges of tackling such an intimate topic, the process of transforming her collection of essays into a cohesive narrative, and the profound impact she hopes her story will have on readers. With a message of empowerment, healing, and the importance of embracing vulnerability, Acamea's insights offer a beacon of hope and understanding for those navigating similar paths.
What motivated you to write "Daddy's Little Stranger"?
Two things motivated me to write Daddy's Little Stranger. First was the #GirlDad trend inspired by a story about Kobe Bryant after he and his daughter died in that tragic helicopter crash. The story of Kobe considering himself a girl dad and the overwhelming public response were both so beautiful that it made me consider what I might have lost in growing up without a father. Second, I discovered most of the information out there about fatherless girls revolved around sexuality. Specifically promiscuity. And I was like, wait. There's more to it than that. That's not the only way a girl might be affected by the absence of her father. Those two developments made me want to explore not just my own fatherlessness but the topic in general.
What were some of the challenges you faced while writing about such a personal topic?
Some of the challenges I faced in writing about such a personal topic included not wanting to hurt or offend anyone. I always want to tell the truth. Yet, I want to do it in a way that allows for grace and recognizes the humanity of my characters—who are real people. I wanted to leave room for the understanding that my father, both my parents, are their own people. People fall short sometimes. I didn't want to tell the story in a way that villainized anyone.
Another challenge was accurately remembering things that happened when I was a child. Some things I recalled vividly. Other memories were hazy or seemed clear but I later discovered they were wrong. I did a lot of digging through old photos, researching, and asking questions to make sure I got the timeline right.
How do you hope your book will impact readers, especially those who can relate to your experiences?
I really hope Daddy's Little Stranger speaks to the girls who grew up and became their own heroes. I want them to feel seen. My hope is that it helps empower women not just to overcome childhood challenges but to now allow themselves to rest, be soft and vulnerable. That's important too. I hope readers are encouraged to lay their weapons down and know they are safe.
Were there any specific moments or realizations that stand out to you during the writing process?
The book started as a collection of essays. Until my publisher suggested rewriting it as a cohesive memoir. I didn't think there was a connective thread there in the beginning. But there was. When I allowed myself to sit with the story, I realized it was about learning to love.
What advice would you give to other women who may be dealing with similar challenges or feelings of fatherlessness?
The advice I would give other women dealing with similar challenges or feelings of fatherlessness is to feel those feelings. That's something I had to learn. I hadn't ever really looked at that little girl inside me and felt her pain until writing Daddy's Little Stranger. Once I saw her, I understood what she needed and how she influences my adult decisions. Only then could I begin to address those areas. We have to feel it to heal it.
How has sharing your story through writing affected your own healing and growth?
It's made me a much softer, more understanding person in the best ways possible. I needed to learn how to give love as much as receive. I'm also better at showing others grace when they make mistakes—which is an important component of loving someone.
What message or insight do you hope readers will take away from "Daddy's Little Stranger"?
I hope readers take away the belief that our childhoods don't have to define us. Also, how others behave and whether or not they choose to be in your life is rarely about you.
Can you discuss the significance of the title and what it represents to you personally?
With the title, I thought about the common phrase "Daddy's Little Girl." We use that often when describing a healthy father/daughter dynamic. So, I came up with Daddy's Little Stranger as a play on that. Because it's the exact opposite when you don't have a relationship with your father. Or in my case, I didn't even really know him. The play on words just perfectly encompassed that feeling for me.
In what ways do you believe societal perceptions of fatherlessness need to evolve or be challenged?
I think preceptions of fatherlessness need to evolve when it comes to women and girls by not centering it on sexuality. We need to look at females as whole people with many layers to our being that can be impacted by trauma and abandonment.
Have you received any particularly impactful feedback or stories from readers since publishing your book?
Yes! So many people (men and women) have shared their stories of fatherlessness and how they felt seen in the book. I've also heard from girl dads who said it made them want to be better, more present and loving fathers. That's everything I hoped for in writing Daddy's Little Stranger.
Are there any upcoming projects or initiatives related to your book or its themes that you'd like to share?
I'm planning a book tour. So hope to see some members of the Harness community soon!
How do you balance vulnerability and strength in sharing such a personal story with the world?
I think vulnerability is strength. I didn't always, but have grown to understand how much strength it takes to be open and honest with our feelings. Even when it's uncomfortable. Actually, especially when it's uncomfortable. Holding my heaviest thoughts and memories inside was weighing me down. Causing me to harness resentment and hold grudges. Sharing sets me free.
Lastly, how can readers connect with you or learn more about your work beyond "Daddy's Little Stranger"?
Readers can find me on Instagram @acamea or visit my website, acameadeadwiler.com.
