Introducing Noelle Cope, a resilient voice in the realm of poetry and storytelling. Her debut collection, “Notes From The In-Between,” delves into the raw realities of intimate partner abuse, weaving together experiences of emotional and sexual trauma with profound courage and vulnerability. In this interview, Noelle shares her journey of healing, the challenges of crafting her collection, and her hopes for empowering survivors and raising awareness about abuse.
photo credits: Jon Del Real
Your poetry collection delves into intimate partner abuse, sharing your emotional and sexual abuse experiences. How did you find the courage to share such deeply personal stories with the world?
courage always gives me such imposter syndrome. Because to be honest I kind of just piggybacked off the amazing survivors around me. Including folks in the media using their platforms/work to share their experience or friends who confided in me personally. Their strength allowed me to focus only on the work. I tuned out the fear of any negative repercussions that I might face as a result of coming forward because I truly had to believe that the truth of my writing would outweigh any attacks levied at me for speaking up. So frankly I still don’t know if I’m extremely naive or courageous.
What were some of the challenges you faced during the process of creating and publishing your debut poetry collection?
Selecting the poems and arranging them to create the structure of the book was so challenging. I had so many journals from these 3 years of my life. I wrote hundreds of poems and many of the ones I loved most I ultimately had to cut. Some because they were too personal, others out of fear of triggering readers due to the graphic nature of some of them. I had probably 6 different manuscripts before I decided on the final version. I read each version of the bookstart to finish a handful of times. I would read poems at random sometimes or start to finish at others – anything I could think of to ensure it was the best quality I could possibly make.
In your journey of healing and self-discovery through poetry, what were some of the most significant lessons you learned about yourself and your experiences?
It was one of the most bizarre experiences I’ve ever had as a writer or woman. In this relationship I was really heavily gaslighted. And I don’t mean that in the internet slang way. I unfortunately mean it in the clinical sense. Going back and reading my poems, traditional journal entries and more I was able to actually piece together a factual timeline of my own life.I learned so much through this process. I learned how much of my energy had been poured into trying to do right by him, the relationship, and myself. How even when I was told by him that brought the abuse onto myself, that my declining health and struggles to trust him were my fault I still showed up. I did so much work to be the best I could be even in times when I could barely function like a normal version of myself. My willpower, love and compassion were limitless. But in spite of all that, I learned how alone I was with the man I loved and the only place I didn’t feel that loneliness was in my creative bubble. Ultimately my writing saved my life and gave me back myself.
Can you share a pivotal moment or turning point that motivated you to share your story through your poetry?
I didn’t sit down intending to write this book. I was working on another poetry manuscript, and was halfway through that when these poems kept trying to make their way into that book and hijack it. For a while I tried to make the two books work as one but I gave up pretty quickly because I was so overwhelmed by the fact that every time I opened up and shared my story of abuse/ sexual assult/rape the people ( of all genders) around me would open up and tell me what had happened to them. How they live everyday with their own PTSD. And most of all I was devastated by the friends who told me about how the justice system had failed them. The silence is killing us. It fuels shame and fear and self blame. It’s robbing all of us of our quality of life so I decided to speak because I’d rather fail by trying than do nothing.
How do you hope your poetry collection will resonate with readers who may have similar experiences with abuse or trauma?
I’d love for it to be a bridge. A path to communication either with themselves or the people they love. I hope each reading feels welcoming and safe. Hopefully it will offer a feeling of being understood without judgement or shame. So many people around me I think struggled to understand the depth of love I had for this person nor the anger either. the only people who “got it” were the people who had also been through it. They granted me the space and time I needed to work through that paradox. They taught me It’s okay to not be okay, to feel so many feelings, and feel deep highs and lows when you are finally free. I hope my book can offer that same thing and be a tool or a reference for explaining their experience to loved ones and partners.
Beyond raising awareness about intimate partner abuse, what message or insight do you hope readers will take away from “Notes From The In-Between”?
Honestly, I hope helps in many ways because a lot needs to change. Rape/Sexual Assualt and abuse are a very dangerous and widespread epidemic that we currently don’t know how to prevent, navigate, or process and it impacts every corner of all our lives. Almost all survivors were attacked by someone close to them with many like myself it being someone we were in partnership with.
We need to expand the conversation around intimate partner abuse. Right now it’s very narrow and outdated. Deeply focused on blaming women/survivors claiming ” daddy issues” or ” she didn’t love herself” ” she was always desperate” Or ” she is so insecure’ ‘. Truthfully a bigger problem I think that many of us aren’t taught all the things that count that count as abuse especially in patnership- and even our laws are pretty narrow when it comes to what counts as rape if two people are considered to be in a relationship. The vagueness around this often means that many of us have been through dehumanizing experiences/relationships/ violence/ non consensual experiences and stayed for a very long time, never got help, and are still walking around with deep self doubt. Our internal world is constantly overlooked and doubted even by us. Most of all I’m deeply hopeful that it will help friends, family, and partners of readers understand what life in our skin feels like. How our mind processes. I hope that it will help our support systems gain deeper understanding and find new ways to help challenge rape culture.
Building upon your own experiences, what advice would you offer to individuals who may be currently experiencing or recovering from abusive relationships?
Take all the time you need. Don’t rush it but also try not to stall out for too long. Trying one new thing is really helpful.All of this is so much harder than anyone will ever give you credit for. It’s so normal for it to feel like one step forward and two steps back. Not everyday is gonna be a good day but someday the good ones will outweigh the bad. The most amazing people are out there. People who will treat your mind and body with respect and never make you feel like you are too much or push your boundaries.
How has the process of writing and sharing your poetry impacted your personal journey of healing and resilience?
It has been massive. I think releasing the shame and stigma around my own experience has been really special. It doesn’t mean I’m a better person for what I went through or that I would ever choose to have gone through this, but I think that creating something from my trauma and sharing it openly through writing was the greatest act of self love I could do. I validated and trusted my experience. I released it into the world and now it feels like this book isn’t just the story of this person and me. It’s a story about all the people who love without cruelty. It’s become universal in its own little way and that moves me to tears everytime.
Looking ahead, do you have any future projects or plans to continue exploring themes of resilience and empowerment through your writing?
Yes, I’ve got an ever expanding portfolio of film and tv projects along with hopefully completing my second collection of poetry in the nearish future. All of that to say, I like to think that a lot of my writing regardless of medium has and will continue to have themes of self empowerment. I’m proud to be a member of the LGBTQ+ community, a woman, a survior of abuse of and sexual violence, and a multitude of other things information what I make. My own journey through life definitely seeps into all that I create and is a large part of my creative voice ( and personal empowerment).
