Meet Cait West, a courageous advocate for agency and freedom, whose journey from the confines of the stay-at-home daughter movement to empowerment and self-discovery has inspired many. In this candid interview, Cait shares the unique challenges she faced growing up in a fundamentalist family, her struggles breaking away from restrictive ideologies, and the lessons she learned along the way. From finding her voice through creativity to overcoming financial obstacles, Cait’s story is a testament to resilience and the pursuit of personal growth. Through her memoir and platforms like TikTok and Instagram, Cait continues to amplify voices and foster conversations about agency, freedom, and women’s rights, envisioning a future where compassion and understanding prevail.
Growing up in the stay-at-home daughter movement must have presented unique challenges. Could you describe some of the struggles you faced and how they shaped your perspective on agency and freedom as a woman?
I grew up in a fundamentalist family that followed the teachings of Christian patriarchy, so as a girl, I was taught that my future would only entail being a wife and homeschooling mother. I was told I wouldn’t be allowed to date anyone of my own choosing, go to college, or have a career. I was trained in homemaking skills so that one day I could become a submissive wife to the man my father approved of. So, when I turned eighteen, I became a stay-at-home daughter because I didn’t know I had legal rights as an adult, and I had no idea how to leave anyway.
I didn’t have agency over my life and I’d been taught to believe that I would always need to submit to and serve men. Growing up this way caused me to lose my sense of self, and I struggled for years with undiagnosed anxiety and depression. I never felt like I really belonged anywhere, and anytime I didn’t conform to the strict belief system, whether in behavior or words, I was punished–spanked when I was a child and then emotionally abused as I became an adult.
But eventually, the fire inside me needed to escape–I knew intuitively that I needed to get out.
Breaking away from deeply ingrained beliefs and structures can be a daunting process. What were some of the biggest challenges you encountered during this journey, and how did you overcome them?
One of the biggest challenges was finding my voice again. I had so many other voices telling me what to do–my father’s, my pastor’s, and the voices of other men who taught Christian patriarchy. I was so used to listening to them that it was a struggle to learn how to listen to myself. I’d been taught my heart was deceitful and not to be trusted, but after being harmed for so long, I started to realize that was a lie.
One way I overcame this was through creativity. I found an emotional outlet through writing poetry and stories. I didn’t share these with others, but they became ways for me to safely express myself without fear of punishment. Writing helped me connect with my own voice and differentiate it from the lying voices around me.
Another huge obstacle was financial independence. Many of those who live in fundamentalist families experience financial abuse, and I was one of them. I wasn’t able to get a higher education or get a “normal” job because in Christian patriarchy, a woman’s only authority should be her father or her husband. But I found a loophole in teaching piano lessons to other homeschooling families, and I was allowed to keep this money in my own bank account, which is a kind of miracle considering what some other stay-at-home daughters have experienced. This allowed me to save up money that would eventually help me leave.
In your memoir, you talk about finding empowerment and freedom. What are some key lessons you learned along the way that you believe could benefit others in similar situations?
Abuse and harm are not love. Sometimes people tell you that they are loving you through “punishment” or “protection,” but if this “love” is harming you physically or mentally or emotionally, then that is not love; it’s abuse. It’s important to learn how to differentiate the two.
My response to the teachings of Christian patriarchy was to shut down my emotions, leading me to dissociate a lot. After I left, allowing myself to feel all my feelings and finding ways to practice embodiment (like yoga or breathwork) helped me come home to myself.
What advice would you give to individuals who are also trying to break free from restrictive ideologies or environments and find their own path to self-discovery and empowerment?
First of all, if you are in danger of physical harm, call the police. You can also reach out to the domestic violence hotline: https://www.thehotline.org/ and 1-800-799-7233
Trust your gut. Only you have to live in your body and in your mind. So you get to say what your life looks like and who you have relationships with and what you believe. No one else. Your inner knowing will help you find your way.
It’s okay to make mistakes. You can learn from them and grow. Making mistakes just means you’re human, not that you deserve to be punished.
Go to therapy if it’s accessible to you, and find a trauma-informed therapist who uses methodologies such as EMDR, internal family systems, or somatic therapy.
Even if therapy is inaccessible, there are different ways to heal: take walks in nature, find online support groups (I volunteer with Tears of Eden), and explore your creativity and interests (join a book club, crafting class, etc.). Journaling can be a very cathartic and healing practice as well.
How has sharing your story through your book and on platforms like TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook impacted you personally? Have you received any feedback or stories from others that resonated with you?
At first, it felt like I was all alone. But the more I shared my story, the more I realized I was not at all the only one who has experienced these things. So many people have reached out to me to say they went through similar experiences or are still a stay-at-home daughter trying to get out. This reminds me why I need to keep talking about this–so many are still trapped in a world that strips them of their agency. It’s especially touching to me when I hear from those who do not feel safe telling their story publicly. Because I am out of danger now, I am able to express things that others are unable to. I want to use this opportunity to show how many people are silenced and unable to speak, so that we can work toward more liberation.
What are your hopes for the future, both for yourself and for those who connect with your story? How do you envision your experiences contributing to larger conversations about agency, freedom, and personal growth?
This whole process of writing and publishing my story has been healing for me, and I know I have so much more growth to do in the coming years. Compared to where I was years ago, I feel excited for the future, ready to do the work.
I hope my story reaches everyone who needs to hear it, whether they are currently living in an abusive environment, or they know someone who is, or they have left and feel alone. I believe the more we connect with each other, the more we will heal.
This is a critical time for women’s rights in the US and globally. We’ve seen some significant setbacks in recent years, but I believe the stories of women can help us all live with more compassion and understanding and encourage us to vote, to engage in activism, to speak up in our communities for equality and a world that resists fundamentalism and authoritarianism, no matter what form it takes.
You can find more on Cait and her work below:
https://caitwest.substack.com/
https://www.instagram.com/caitwestwrites
https://www.threads.net/@caitwestwrites
https://www.facebook.com/caitwestwrites/
