Nicola Davison Reed’s journey is a testament to resilience, self-discovery, and the power of love. When faced with the life-altering revelation about her biological father, Nicola’s world turned upside down. Yet, through the confusion and emotional upheaval, she found strength in creativity, meditation, and self-love. Her story is one of navigating profound identity shifts, family estrangement, and grief while using her art to heal and inspire. Through it all, Nicola shows us that even in the most challenging moments, love can remain a steadfast guide, helping us redefine our sense of self.
1. Can you describe the moment you discovered the truth about your biological father and how it affected your sense of identity?
The moment was confusion as for 50 years the man that had raised me I assumed was my biological father with no question – so ‘the moment ‘ was confusion – it was like my mind did a memory visual flick of all ‘the moments’ through my life I had experience with my father – like I was viewing my history on a cinema screen where the story didn’t make any sense.
2. How did the revelation about your parentage and your family’s dynamics challenge your understanding of who you are?
It was like all my reference points were shifted –
For example when you walk into your kitchen you know that’s your cooker that’s your sink and your fridge because that’s where they are and that what they are called and you know you are in your kitchen – those references points had shifted and I walked into unfamiliar territory despite it being the same place – is that the fridge where’s the cooker but that’s not my sink it’s
confusing
3. What were the most significant emotional and psychological hurdles you faced during this period of self-discovery?
I couldnt ask anyone about my discovery as my mumHas dentist and both the fathers were dead so the confusion wasn’t rectified nor soured nor explained not confirmed or denied so the bewilderment was prolonged – I was going round and around on one of those horses at a fairground but it wasn’t jolly and it wouldn’t stop
4. How did you navigate the process of rewriting your personal story and finding your sense of self amidst such upheaval?
I always think knowledge helps to face a fear so I researched and applied for birth certificates as I had to determine the truth of my birth – there was no blame I juts wanted my history to make sense and already with the revelation I was beginning to experience a few ‘ aha’ moments a few ‘ that was why ‘ explanations to certain memories I had – finding the true self again the new true self was going to take some
Time and I had to do that for my own self
5. Can you share any specific practices or methods that helped you cope with the emotional impact of these revelations?
I am a meditator and I am a runner and I am a photographer and a mother and a wife and have dogs –
All Of these things helped me cope with the emotional impact of these revelations
6. How did your experience with family estrangement and dealing with your mother’s dementia shape your personal growth?
The experience with my family estrangement was huge in shaping my personal growth – I had gone from being a full sibling of the youngest of four to then half sibling to a collection of seven . Alongside re discovering my ‘daughter ‘ role my position as ‘sister’ changed as during mum getting dementia an emotional bomb went under our family and I became extra fed from my former family of four . During mums dementia she started to reveal certain memories that were not in line with anything I knew but it was always pointing towards my fathers comings and going’s and not my mums . My mums dementia has been significant in shaping my personal growth and continues to do so – I have had to grieve her alone without the family I was raised with but I have my own family and that has buffered all pain immensely
7. What role did self-love and self-acceptance play in your journey to redefine your identity?
It was the only way – I no longer had sisters and brothers and Nieces and nephews and a dad or a mum – I had to pour love into myself otherwise I would have gone down with this plane crash that had happened – I had to survive it – I was a mother I didn’t have the luxury of time to wallow in self pity – my youngest at the same time was going through her own self discovery of adolescence and she was having her own struggles and that was my priority my children are my way forward out of a painful history and that’s where I wanted the story to go to – history as the pain could be destructive to my present and already so Much damage had been done – the only way to counteract this emotional War was to put on my armour of self Love and hold my weapon of protection
8. How did you reconcile the concept of love being the core of your identity with the challenges you faced?
When Love or Bitterness are the choices you choose Love I don’t want myself nor my family to be defined or tainted or even slightly damaged by a revelation that Lies had been chosen as a way to keep things moving – I have always despised a lie strangely enough a moralcontinually taught to me by the very people that served me quite a ripe one Love was and will always be the conqueror
9. Can you talk about the moment when you realized that love defines you, and what that realization meant for you?
From a young child staring out of a Misty school bus window and zoning out the chants and the strain of noisy mornings – I would look out onto the golden country fields and be in a meditative love state – my inner voice was love always so yes this new ‘news’ was a challenge to my self love but I had chosen the right partner by my side and we had made wonderful children so although my self love was tested and my identity intensely challenged the idea of Love and the connection with my own bijou family unit became more steadfast and the garden was cared for it continued to grow and I was grateful that I knew what true love was and that I could recognise that it needs to be respected and nourished and protected – which I did
10. What advice would you give to women who are struggling with personal identity issues or familial challenges?
Every time a negative comes your way in terms of an inner voice and unfriendly exchange an unwanted advance an accusation a hostile rumour and you feel powerless remember you are not – you do have a choice you are not trapped because you can choose to walk away and turn your back and out your face towards that golden sunlight and that will Be enough to quell the chatter it will Be enough to pour more love into your own well and so
You can tend your own garden – do not be defined by their peoples opinion of your nor are you here in this earth to be anyone’s whipping girl – self live sets you free and you have to practice it daily even if it’s a simple hello to a lonely person by giving simple love to a deserving other it fills our heart so it’s a win win love is to be protected but also shared
11. How has your experience influenced the creative projects you are currently working on, such as “River Naiads: Deep Space” and “Medicate”?
All my experiences inform my photography – even a chat with the swans ( I live on the canal ) or an exchange down the shops it informs my personal conceptual photography plus my portraits . I adored the River Naiads project because of im honest I received so much love from the women I made portraits with .Out exchanges were fleeting but for profound . I never take for granted that bridge a sitter ( or in this case swimmer) form together so the photograph is not ‘taken ‘ or stolen but it’s made together – ans that can only be possible with love and respect and these women were all everyone so loving I thought .
The women In this protect were all on their own journey .I have kep diaries and journals since I was a teenager and in one diary I wrote ‘ we pass unseen through moments of other peoples lives ‘ and I think this is why in adore street photography because those moments are many all In one photograph . With the Naiads there were giving me permission to pop in for a moment to their lives it was such an honour plya because they are possibly more vulnerable as they were in water on their own private journey to maybe answer some of their own questions and they still Allowed me In – I adore women
Maybe I needed them because if the last four years and they were being kind and gentle Sisterhood
12. What inspired your focus on themes of natural waters, self-healing, and grieving in your projects?
Well after all I’ve answered thus far and think it’s self evident the choice of the focus
They say in photography look at a photographers work and you will see what they love – I love Love but with that comes the endless challenge to the romantic ideology that love gives meaning to our entire life and overcome all Obstacles and is eternal . Life means there is hate and love and vanity and bitterness and there is death. Life is a series of holding on and letting go like the click of a shutter it can be squeezed it can be held it can be prolonged it can be let go. If you have the privilege of viewing life through the lens it has to be respected in All it’s forms. There are many toxic waters to navigate and you have to captain your ship with grace and perseverance and with photography I continually check my compass to check I am on the right parth and I’m clocking up those healthy productive loving nautical miles and not sinking into toxic seas nor sailing into the doldrums
13. Can you share any specific experiences or stories from your creative work that reflect your personal journey?
I believe not everyone tells everything about their lives – I think it’s Maya Angelou said something about always be honest but keep a little bit of your soul for yourself your own sweet spot . My conceptual photography sometimes reflects my sweet spot – not always sweet by my opinion or my memory or my feeling or thoughts about an experience but it’s not something I could eloquently verbalise so it’s conceptualised – as in a series I add too frequently call Unmuted I think it’s better for people to read a photograph and come away with their own viewpoint I don’t want to preach – this is why I am such a dispassionate observer of an ‘artistic statement’ they have become in themselves a heavy coat over the original work – the intellectualising of ‘the position of the artist on their work ‘ seems almost strained and somewhat competitive . Sinead o Connor ( who I adore and Tracy Emin) says in her beautiful book ‘rememberings’
“if you could talk about music you wouldn’t need music,” same with photography I feel
14. How do you balance your creative projects with managing your mental and emotional well-being?
My creative projects ARE my mental wealth – each time I consider a photograph i bank into my mental wealth therefore my camera is the tool
That’s shapes my emotional well being and carves my Hope believe and faith
Also my family does this too
15. What message or piece of advice do you hope to convey to other women who may be on a similar path of self-discovery and healing?
Fill your creative well with inspiring women – I do
Sally Mann Tracy Emin Sinead o Connor Patti Smith Maya Angelou Diane Arbus and Millikan more and surround yourself with these heroines – read about them listen to their poetry their music view their art seek them out at the market but fruit from them look after the sisterhood it will heal you and again wise words from
Sinead “there is no point setting out on a healing journey if you’re not going to find yourself healed.”IG: @nicoladavisonreed
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