Before I had my first baby, I was already firmly pro-choice. I believed in bodily autonomy, access to abortion, and the fundamental idea that no one should be forced to carry a pregnancy they don’t want. But it wasn’t until I became a mother that I truly understood how deeply radical—and necessary—that belief is. Having a baby didn’t weaken my pro-choice stance. It solidified it. It expanded it. It made it visceral.
There’s a cultural script we’re all familiar with: that once you become a parent, especially a mother, you’ll soften. That you’ll look at your child and be overcome with awe and love, and somehow that emotional tidal wave will convert you into someone who sees every embryo as sacred life. Some people experience that. I did not.
What I felt, instead, was a profound and overwhelming understanding of what it takes to bring a child into the world—and how cruel it is to demand that from anyone who didn’t ask for it.
Pregnancy Is Not a Neutral Event
Pregnancy was the first seismic shift. Every medical appointment was a reminder of the complexity of this process—and how easily it could go wrong, especially since I was over 35 so I was having a “geriatric pregnancy.” I had the privilege of excellent prenatal care, a supportive partner, and enough financial stability to take time off. Still, it was grueling.
Choice Is the Foundation of Love
People often say that becoming a parent makes you understand the value of life. That’s true—but not in the way they mean. I looked at my child and felt love so big it rearranged me. But that love was only possible because I had the freedom to say yes. I chose this. I prepared for this. I wanted this child, and because of that, I could show up for him with my full heart.
There’s no love in coercion. Forcing someone to carry a pregnancy—whether it’s because of laws, shame, or lack of options—doesn’t produce more love. It produces trauma. And trauma doesn’t raise children well.
I want every child to be wanted. Every parent to be ready. Every person to be free.
Love for my baby doesn’t cancel out the right to have made a different choice.
If anything, it deepens my empathy for those who do.
Being Pro-Choice Because I’m a Parent
What I want for my child is a world where people are trusted to make decisions about their own bodies. A world where reproductive health care is accessible and safe. A world where becoming a parent is a joyful, supported choice—not a punishment or a burden.
I became more pro-choice because I now know, in my bones, what pregnancy and parenthood really demand. Because I know what it costs. Because I know how quickly things can go wrong. And because I want no one—no one—to be forced to walk this road unless they choose it.
Being a parent didn’t weaken my convictions. It made them burn brighter.
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