While making dinner today I was contemplating washing my dill. I know I’m supposed to wash it & it could have bugs or chemicals on it. It’s not that I didn’t know. I don’t live under a rock of course. It’s that I knew I’d have to dry it off after with a paper towel. If I use too much of something it’ll be obvious I’m here. Maybe they’ll get mad at me and say I’m using too much. My very existence, my living breathing existence has always been an inconvenience to my abusers. So yes, I hesitated in washing my dill.I think I still have a lot to heal. This is the brain of a narcissistic abuse trauma thriver.
