In every great love story, the journey isn’t just about finding love but learning how to nurture and sustain it through the ups and downs. Melissa Whitney’s journey with her husband inspired her to pen “In the Hello and in the Goodbye,” a heartfelt story rooted in the real-life experiences of building a relationship that stands the test of time. Through the lens of a neurotypical woman and an autistic man, Melissa explores the complexities of love, acceptance, and the joy of embracing one another’s differences. Her story serves as a testament to the strength of communication, the power of forgiveness, and the beauty of loving fully, even when it’s hard.
- What inspired you to write “In the Hello and in the Goodbye,” and how did your relationship with your husband influence the story?
Every relationship has their struggles. During the first year of marriage with my husband, we almost didn’t make it. It was the hardest six months of our fifteen-year-long relationship. With focus on developing strong communication and strengthening our foundation, we built a stronger relationship. In 2021, two years after that struggly part of our marriage, I reflected on how far we’ve come and had the idea to use that time to tell a story grounded in forgiveness, healing, and what it takes to built a healthy relationship. A lot of romance is about people coming together and I wanted to tell a story about what it takes to not just fall in love, but how to keep it. - Can you describe how the portrayal of a Neurotypical woman and an autistic man in your book reflects real-life emotions and experiences?
My husband is an autistic man and I’m a neurotypical woman. Though, he likes to joke that there is nothing typical about me. Like any couples our lived experiences shades that way we approach things and/or communicate. However our neuro-differences adds a layer to that common experience for many couples. We process and approach things differently, even if we’re on the same page. However, at the end of the day our relationship is grounded in acceptance of this. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t’ get frustrated with me or vice versa. I wanted to show that dynamic in a inter-abled relationship. You can accept and love someone as they are, but still be frustrated with aspects. Both Evie and Colm demonstrate the challenges, but also the joy of an inter-abled relationship. I loved writing this story both to offer this dynamic in the crafting of stories with disabled characters, but, also, to selfishly see my relationship reflected in romance. Though, if full disclosure my husband and I aren’t in an inter-abled relationship like Evie and Colm in the book. I am a legally blind woman and he’s an autistic man, so that is a different layer in our real life relationship between a physically disabled woman and a neurodivergent man versus the fictional depiction of Evie and Colm. - What challenges did you face while writing a story that combines both fiction and real emotional depth?
Like any author I needed to ensure this remained Evie and Colm’s story versus Melissa and Liam’s story. As authors, even if fiction, we sprinkle in pieces of ourselves and our beliefs, but we need to ensure that we don’t encrorch on the narrative. As well, I tapped into some deep emotions for this book. Emotions that, while long dealt with, were delve into to infuse them into the story. I wanted to ensure the emotion was in the page rather than just words on it. I needed to practice different techniques to tap into those emotins but not go back to that place. Especially, with the more challenging part of the book where Evie and Colm truly struggled. When writing those parts, I took breaks and spent time with my husband going on lots of walks or dates to reinforce our connection. There were also lots of discussions about how far we’ve come to celebrate that journey as I was revisiting the pain of that time for the book. Also, I needed to allow myself to always listen to Evie and Colm. While much of Melissa and Liam are twined in t heir story, it isn’t our story. I needed to remember that and listen to my characters. - How did you handle any emotional challenges or personal struggles while writing this book?
Self care is so important. While writing this book, I focused on ways to take care of me and my relationship. My husband and I scheduled date nights. We love a good walk, so we’d go on lots of them at area parks or grab a latte from one of our favorite local coffeeshops in downtown Fullerton and walk around. I also blocked time to hit the gym, reads books I love, or spend time with friends. Also, we have two pugs so they are always a part of my emotional well-being. - What was the most rewarding aspect of writing “In the Hello and in the Goodbye”?
Just writing the story and completing it. It was the second book I wrote, even though it’s my debut. It was always suppose to be my debut, but I wasn’t fully ready to write this story yet, so I wrote something else. A dear friend told me to “Just write it already” and it was the swift kick in the butt I needed. The day I wrote “The End” was one of the most gratifying moments of my life. - Can you share a moment or experience during the writing process that had a significant impact on you?
Writing the scene where Colm discloses his autism was a powerful one to write. For many with autism they often mask. My husband had for years. For so many people on the spectrum parents, teachers, and society-at-large want to make them “fit” and this pushes so many to hide. Until that moment, Colm hid a part of himself. In that moment he freed himself to be authentically himself, allowing him to truly love Evie and be truly loved in return. It was a powerful moment to write and witness my character’s story. In that moment, Colm found where he belonged – with Evie – and she with him. To be seen and loved as you are is a powerful experience. To have stories with disabled characters that are embraced as they are, and the narrative is not about them changing or how love made them “better” is an act of protest. As a disabled woman married to an autistic man, this was a joyfully emotional experience to write. - How do you balance your mental health with the demands of writing and promoting your book?
This is a constant struggle. I work full time and write. Over the last two years, I’ve worked to strike a balance. Part of my strategy is to establish a clear plan for each day. I dedicated at least and hour a day to write or edit. I ensure that I have time blocked to workout, go for walks, chat with friends, and spend time with my husband and pugs. It’s a constant dance and there are many wrong steps, but I keep dancing. - What advice would you give to other women who are working on their own creative projects or pursuing writing?
First, build community. Nobody does anything alone. As solitary as writing is, it’s not a solo sport. We need others. They offer support, guidance, levity, and, sometimes, needed real talk. Whatever your passion is find others in that field and connect. My author friends are my go-to. Those group chats are unhinged, but the best part of my day! Second, stop telling yourself “No”. We can point at all the many reasons why not; my career, my family, my health, my lack of time…etc. Those are valid, but they are still excuses that we use to tell ourselves no. The moment you tell yourself no to your nos, it frees you to the possibility of actually doing it. I’m telling myself no to my nos every day and it’s one hundred perfect the best thing I’ve ever done. - How do you stay motivated and inspired when facing obstacles in your creative journey?
As I said, community is important. My author friends keep me motivated. Not just their support, but seeing the amazing things they do inspire me to keep at it. Also, my husband is my biggest cheerleader. He never les me give up on myself. - What role does your personal life play in shaping your writing and creative process?
I pull from my lived experience into the work that I am doing. These aren’t all Melissa’s stories with different character names, but aspect of my thoughts, beliefs, and experiences woven into the story to add context or authenticity. These are always my characters’ stories and they take me down different paths or make choices, I’ not make. Still my personal life is drawn on for different elements or guide me in the stories I choose to tell. - Are there any specific strategies or practices you use to maintain your mental well-being while working on emotionally charged content?
Besides some of the things I’ve already mentioned I do a few other things such as play silly/happy music to sing along with to shift my headspace after emotionally draining scenes, play with my pugs, watch a funny movie with my husband, or go do something kind for myself. Anything to help shift me away from that headspace. There is a bit of lather, rinse, and repeat of this throughout the writing process. - Can you talk about a particular struggle you faced in your writing career and how you overcame it?
While the bookish space is changing, there is a still a bias against marginalized stories. Many readers and publishers have specific ideas about stories written by and with marginalized characters as being “sad” stories. As a disabled author that writes disability and mental health rep in their work, I’ve heard this at writing conferences and within other bookish spaces. There is still work to do to open hearts and eyes to the complexity of marginalized stories. There is joy, beauty, pain, sadness, laughter, sexiness, and all the things in our stories. - How do you handle feedback and criticism about your work, especially when it’s deeply personal?
I’ve been blessed thus far with readers that have embraced my stories. The feedback in the writing process from read and critique partners, BETA readers, editors, and ARC readers were overall thoughtful and helpful. Prior to publication, I’m able to digest constructive feedback in a way to help me make it the best possible story for readers. Still, I do have to remind myself that they are not critiquing Melissa but my work and that’s okay. They are here to help. Once the book released, I stepped away from the review space for my work. That is for readers, not me. My husband does read them to offer any overall themes; both good or constructive, which is a great strategy to help me digest things in a way that supports my mental health. - What lessons have you learned through writing and sharing your story that could benefit other aspiring authors?
So much! A lot has already been discussed, but there a just a few. First, stop calling yourself aspiring. Get rid of that word. It unintentionally holds you back from doing the thing. Break those shackles that hold you back and jump in to do it. Second, build your writing community. This is so helpful in keeping you focused and having the support you deserve as an author. Third, set aside time daily to write. Writing is a muscle and it needs to be exercised. Just an hour a day is all you need to help your muscles strong. Those are the top three I’d encourage other authors to do from the get go. - How do you envision the future of your writing career and your role as an author?
Bright! There are still so many stories inside me waiting to be told. My hope is that I will have the ability to keep doing that. To continue to grow as an author. Listen, everyone would want to be the next Kennedy Ryan, Emily Henry, or Tia Williams but I am realistic in my expectations. As long as I’m able to keep writing my stories that explore disability and mental health in a thoughtful way to support positive representation, then my author’s journey will be basked in sunshine.
Threads: @melissa_whitneyauthor
W: www.melissawhitneywrites.com
