I’ve been consumed by a sense of scarcity lately. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but it’s as though my soul is choking on dust.
It seems like this world has limited, depleting resources and I’m always running behind the candy train.
My pulse races over the smallest of things slipping through my fingers: the last nacho on the shared plate going into someone else’s mouth, losing one earring from the set, the extra cash on restaurant meals (I can cook at home!).
I feel smaller, contained, nervous, fearful that if don’t keep a beady eye on all parts of my life, the things that I hold dear will slip away, or be snatched, irrecoverably.
I re-enforce boundaries, protect what I have, hoard my thoughts and my stuff.
In my fluster of activity, I’m trying to achieve fullness and satisfaction, but I look inside and all I see is harrowing emptiness.
This selfish mind-set is typically impulsive and results from believing in scarcity, but is the antithesis to happiness.
Containing natural creativity, and hoarding all the things that are born of my natural delight in life is a fantastic way to feel completely terrible.
There is a True Part of me that wants to express its creative power in the world, to extend and radiate outward from my inner core, like an ever-flowing spring.
I can deny it exists, but I can’t stop it happening.
Yet, there’s always that little voice inside that tricks me into falsehood and thinking there are only two choices.
In the Red Corner: my True Self, spiritually all alone, confused, unprepared and vulnerable.
In the Blue Corner: The Reigning Champion: Fear! Sponsored and supported by Lack, Deprivation, Selfishness, Anger, Helplessness and Anxiety. Quite the team.
DING, DING, DING!! FIGHT!
No wonder I believe I’ve entered wrestling match that I will lose.
What I’ve failed to realise is that the whole thing is a big glorified stage show that I’m putting on in my head. I am the producer of the ring, the corners, the characters and the director of the whole fear-infused fight.
I’m experiencing my own Work of Art in my own mind…and then believing it as reality.
Hang on. Let’s pause just a second. That literally makes no sense at all.
How can I conquer Fear, when it’s something that I created? As a fabrication of my own mind, how can it possibly have sufficient power over me that I need to challenge and overcome it?
So I gently shake myself awake, and realise with a poof of smoke that whole thing is a nightmare. Relax. Surrender to reality.
THERE IS NO FIGHT TO WIN.
The truth is, for a long time now I have chosen exclusion.
I’ve entertained fear and tried to fight. In attempting to hold myself separate from others so I can feel “better” than them, and protect my own little corner of the world in order to feel abundant, I’ve actually achieved the opposite.
When the scarcity mind-set triumphs, it renders me mute. I contain, instead of producing, I ruminate instead of speaking up, I give up short of the end because I believe someone else has already done it before me, there’s nothing more I can add.
It leads to a range of other emotions born of believing I “have not”, and others “have”: jealousy, envy, anger, judgement, guilt and embarrassment.
There’s no end of ways that seeing scarcity in the world makes me contain or marginalise myself, or engage in self-debilitating thoughts and behaviour.
What I’ve failed to realise is that I have beauty and abundance emanating from my inner spring this very second, as does everyone else in the world.
I’m not suffering from selfishness, I’m suffering from self-fullness. I’m so full of my own creativity that it’s an effort – and painful – to hold it in.
The reality is that I continue to choose my projection of fear in the world.
Fortunately, that decision of three seconds ago is in the past. This is the here and now: choose again, and choose differently.
I choose to not hurt myself and everyone else by withholding my creativity from the world!
I crave to share what I create and extend myself. And in extending myself and I will know love and fulfillment.
Sharing does not lead to lack, it does not subtract from me.
Sharing adds. It gains momentum, and multiplies in others.
It reinforces within myself what I have shared, and reflects through others what is also a part of me.
I needn’t be afraid.
Let go of the nightmare, the fight. Let go of fear, deprivation, separation, limited time and limited resources.
I must allow the dam to crumble and my creative abundance to overflow from within.
Then watch as I – and the world around me – flourishes, and is strengthened.
Author: Jennifer Holmes
Author Bio: Hello Harness Magazine Readers! I am the founder of www.curiouslyyou.com, a platform created to help you to move past who you feel you “should” be, and start to live your life in alignment with who you really are. Curiously You encourages natural inquisitiveness of the inner self to bring about personal transformation. It is a place for you to rediscover courage in your heart, understand your personal value, and lead a life of intention (especially when you may feel pulled in many different directions). There’s a FREE and SPECIAL gift for Harness Magazine readers at www.curiouslyyou.com/harnessmagazine which is designed to help start you on the road to transformation (if you feel ready, go and have a look).
Link to website: http://www.curiouslyyou.com