Does everything deserve an explanation?
There are times when I know that I’m still healing from certain situations and I know that in most cases it’s because I didn’t have a chance to say my peace. It feels like an unfinished chapter to a book you read or a to be continued ending to a movie you watched, and every time you look back there’s this lingering question of why?
I get caught up in the why sometimes, roaming around in an alphabet of reasons, but sometimes I just want to overstand.
I’m not afraid of the truth.
No, I never know how I’m going to feel after finding the answers I seek, and sometimes I feel like the reason I don’t know why is: it’s none of my concern. But still I always am concerned, because I’m always searching for the truth.
I can handle it.
It goes the same for me and my truth. If you come to me for an explanation, I’ll tell you exactly why, I’ll tell you what happened, where it happened, when it did, how it did, what I felt and why I felt it.
But then, I guess you can’t really expect to feel what you want to feel after finding out a why anyway. You could end up feeling worse than you did or maybe you’ll end up feeling numb to it all.
I rarely do anything without reason, because in my mind, if you move with purpose there should be a reason for everything. I shouldn’t be left with any lingering why this.
So then, what comes after why?
Sometimes there’s just, Z.
And Z could be infinite.
You might possibly learn Z later, or you might not. And you just have to be okay with that.
Z just doesn’t come to me until I know Y.