Friends after a relationship: is it possible? I’m slowly finding out the answer to this question.
A little over a month ago my girlfriend broke up with me–it’s as simple and complicated as that. Well, she didn’t really say, “We need to break up.” She said she had an opportunity to move to Germany; but let’s be real, I knew what she was saying without her having to say it and she knew I did.
Now, here we are a month later together in our 700 square feet apartment, waiting until our lease runs out next month. So how have we not broken into a full remake of the War of the Roses? Well besides not being filthy rich, neither of us harbor any bad feelings towards the other. We didn’t treat each other horribly; neither of us was abusive. She wasn’t happy and that’s okay. Sometimes no matter how much we want something it might not be meant for us. I’ve had to come to terms with that. Love isn’t always what we want it to be. That friend you pined for will only ever love you as a friend. Not to say that love isn’t deep and true, it’s just not in the form you desired. It’s a hard pill to swallow, like taking one of those huge multivitamins that every holistic person swears you need, but all you can think is how many accidental choking deaths have occurred. Frankly put, it sucks until you get used to it.
There have been things to come out of it that have made us better. Our communication is more open; I feel like there is no pressure to censor words or feelings. This helped us in ways I never thought possible. The easy flow is back. We laugh and talk sometimes spending entire evenings after work without turning on a movie or TV show. It’s almost like we are finally getting to know each other on a deeper level. But all this sweetness is not without the bitter twang. I often find myself looking at her and getting that small tugging of regret in my heart. All those could haves and should haves flood my thoughts. That lump rises in my throat that all too familiar feeling of tears wetting the corners of my eyes begins. I choke it back the best I can before she notices. There’s no use I tell myself in dwelling on things. We have a new dynamic now and it is working wonderfully for us.
She is leaving in four months; moving to Germany for a year. I know when that day comes I’ll feel like I’m losing my best friend. I’ll be here alone with nothing but my thoughts for company. Sure we will talk, video chat, text and I have even made plans to go visit her. This is the hard part about making friends with your ex: learning your lives are separate. I have no experience with this sort of thing. All my other ex’s I cut out of my life. For good reason, but she is a different story. This is a lesson learned. From it I have come to realize when someone is deserving of being in your life and you want that person in your life, you go through a lot of growth and harsh realizations to see it happen. We both did because when all was said and done we still loved each other and knew deep down we wanted each other in our lives even if we were not romantically involved.
Love is a multifaceted emotion, never overlook it or disregard it because it isn’t the kind of love you think it should be. Something beautiful and meaningful that you treasure can come out of it. A whole new chapter can be written; you’ve just got to be willing to go to the next page.
If you enjoyed this piece, be sure to check out To Be Or Not To Be Friends With An Ex