In the words of the magnificent Maya Angelou “When someone tells you who they are, believe them.” This is the perfect way to look at how we speak about ourselves as well.
I used to say super self deprecating things like “I’m crazy” and other similar statements. Sometimes it was out of insecurity about my bubbly personality being too much. I thought if I got ahead of what they were obviously thinking that it would make me seem, well, less crazy! Other times I’m sure I was fishing for someone to tell me I was wrong and in fact super normal. What I thought was me getting ahead of the issue actually just thrusted a spot light on this identity I gave myself. Not only was I planting a seed in peoples heads that I truly was crazy, I started to believe it too. It wouldn’t even be a conscious choice, it just started to grow and grow until it felt like my reality. When you say self deprecating things about yourself it’s you telling someone (and yourself) who you are.
Another way to look at it is the sticky shit that comes from gossip. We all have a file in our brain for a person. When you think about that person your mind brings up their file. You can recollect their personality, their energy, how they make you feel. When someone tells you something new about that person, whether it is in line with what you already know of them or some shocking new development, it gets unconsciously stuck into that person’s file. Even if in your heart you believe that said gossip to be true or false, you will remember that you heard it. (this is why it’s super important to be mindful of how we speak about others)
Now let’s hop back to how you speak about yourself. Are you gossiping sticky shit into someone’s brain file about who you are? When you say shitty things about yourself, you’re telling others to see you that same shitty way. A partner of mine started saying “I’m so dumb” when she would mess up at something small. I had to tell her very seriously “If you keep telling me that you’re dumb, I will unknowingly start thinking it to be true.” I know in my heart that she’s a brilliant human, but that sticky shit sticks. When it doubt, just go with the Midwestern “Op!” and laugh it off with your head held high.
If you want someone to think that you are amazing, fucking tell them that you’re amazing, or at least tell yourself that. And if you don’t believe it yet, just keep saying it until you do.