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Poetry

The Woman I Aspired to Be

 

the woman I aspired to be

was a dandelion that bloomed from my deepest insecurities. 

I looked up to a woman I did not know,

solely because she was unlike me. 

destroyed myself for an unattainable fantasy. 

 

as a girl I felt incongruous to my home;

caramel amongst white,

curls that I loathed and 

straightened daily. 

I had more crushes on pretty girls than boys. 

I’m not sure how

or why, 

but around the age of ten 

I gradually withdrew into myself. 

and despite my quiet character,

my newfound thoughts were loud. 

relentless. 

hateful. 

 

a nonexistent woman 

birthed from fantasies and insecurities

is who I felt I had to be.

she was beautiful, as villainesses are beautiful. 

seductive in nature,

each movement imbued with grace 

and confidence. 

quiet still, but in a cynical manner. 

she did not love nor trust

anyone but herself.

she was a character, who, in my mind,

contested the artistry of the sun and stars. 

 

today I am nothing 

like the woman I thought I would be.

my mind is full of thoughts that flutter off my tongue before they are fully formed. 

my movements truly have no direction, 

no grace to speak of. 

I love thoroughly 

and euphorically

because I know the sadness of feeling unloved. 

I am nothing 

except my strengths and shortcomings. 

I am beautiful,

solely because I know my girlhood self

would adore the woman I am today. 

 

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by gossharris

Hi, my name is Hannah! I’m a freshman at Towson University. I’ve always had a passion for writing because it allows me to share my thoughts and feelings with others.

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