So there’s me, sitting on top of a grassy hill, sniffling and snorting like a pig whilst the guy I’ve been allegedly exclusive (but not official) with for the past three months tells me he can’t commit. Rewind to moments earlier when he asked to chat, and I beamed like a kid in a candy store at the prospect of love blossoming and the dog we’d be buying together in mere minutes. Fast forward. His face changes and I read the signs—the signs I’ve seen many times before—and my smile is replaced by me attempting to hold back the tears, knowing what’s coming next. This is different, though. There were no signs before now. No unanswered texts. No avoidance. None. And poor little me is completely blindsided.
As he explains, the tears begin to flow. I realize I’m not crying because I’m losing him, which is a sign that I didn’t actually feel as much as I thought, I’m crying because I have to start again. I’m crying because I always get let down. I’m crying because myself and so many other girls feel these emotions of confusion, sadness, disappointment and loneliness far too often than they should. We are strong, but we have feelings. And more often than not, in the world of modern dating, the way we are treated is with disrespect and immaturity.
Rewind. This feeling of let-down, rejection, abandonment or disappointment is not a new one to me. I’ve sat on many a figurative hill before. Some were on my own as I was ghosted or sent texts with foolish excuses and shambolic explanations so these boys could save face. But buddy, here’s the score: if you think you can’t commit eventually, I don’t want to date you at all. Don’t tell me you’re looking for something ‘organic’ or something ‘that evolves naturally’ when you don’t even know what you want. Stop pretending you can commit and then running like a screaming child when push comes to shove. Stop making girls feel things and then send them packing. Stop lying to yourselves the minute you feel something. Just stop lacking vulnerability. And stop being scared of feeling things.
I’m a woman that knows what she wants. I’ve worked hard on myself to be the best version of me I can be. I’ve pushed myself to be vulnerable, despite many heartbreaks, lessons and romantic setbacks. And I know I’m ready to love. I’m ready to give and share and listen and learn with another. There will be no settling from me, which is why my journey to love is a rocky, unsteady path. I once said it’s a risk not to take a risk. And those may be some of the wisest words that have left my lips. More men need to heed this warning. Remember: you’re throwing away potentially the best thing that’s ever happened to you. And she’s standing right in front of you, wanting to be all yours. Trust me, you can’t do better than the best.
Author: Bianca Garzia
Author Bio: Bianca is a self-confessed puppy clucky teacher from Melbourne, Australia. She began writing poetry as a means of healing and processing the emotions, heartbreaks and anxiety she encountered in life. Through this, she has become an advocate for mental health, creating an Instagram account @lessonsinlust101 where she posts poetry regularly to a worldwide following. Her mission has been to help others going through dark times see the light and not feel alone. She has recently self-published “Labyrinth Love,” a collection of poetry that speaks to women and men about learning to love yourself. She is currently working towards creating a podcast to inspire women everywhere.