I’ve been aimlessly wandering for about three years now. This feels foreign to me. I’ve always been on top of things. I excelled in high school, I got into an amazing university, where I graduated a semester early, always maxing out on credits. The world seemed to be at my fingertips, as I am a bright woman with a great head on my shoulders. However, as college was looming to a close, I had absolutely no plan. I did not do this intentionally– I just had absolutely no idea what I wanted from life. Everything had been mapped out before me up until graduation, and now it was really time for me to make decisions.
Committing to a corporate job seemed like it wouldn’t be a good fit for me. Grad school seemed like a gimmick for more student debt and to only perpetuate my uneasiness about what I wanted to do with my life. So needless to say, graduation was the most bittersweet thing I’ve ever experienced. I felt so accomplished, being able to not only graduate but also be a first-generation college student. My parents were so incredibly proud of what I was able to do, and what they weren’t. But I had no plan, nothing at all.
No one really tells you that your early twenties are hands down the most strange times of your life.
I had been working in the same restaurant I had worked in all of college, and just decided to stay on there, while also nannying some kids in the mornings.
If you’ve ever worked in the service industry – it is a whole other beast entirely. Everything about it is truly insane, having taken a step back now. The hours are absurd, working 60 hour weeks, where 10 hour days are pretty standard. No one bats an eye at that. In fact- if you aren’t working those hours, you’re seen as kind of lazy. Besides that, so many customers treat you like less of a human. As if the waitress at their table isn’t a real person, therefore they can treat them however they would like.
Thrilling.
To ease the pain of a worn-down body and spirit in the service industry – you drink. You party. You stay up until four in the morning because you don’t have to be at work until five pm. It’s a really dangerous cycle; a cycle I used to love and be really enthralled with. I’m young, this is what these years are for right? I met fascinating people who had crazy outlooks on life, some for the good, and some that were very destructive. I had an amazing time in the service industry, but it’s tough. It is a tough lifestyle and an even tougher one to break out of. The money is generally plentiful and made quickly. I’ve found that if you want to work yourself into the ground you can, or hey, want to take off a whole week? Sure, they’ll find a body to cover your shifts.
I’m here today, however, to declare that I’m about two months removed from that world. The eccentric, exciting, and also dark world of the service industry. I’ve moved across the country, from Ohio to sunny Colorado. It’s not easy. I didn’t think I would be homesick – I’ve never been homesick in my life. But there are days I long for that humidity of Ohio and the warm summer nights that follow it.
This move really ignited something in me. There is a fire in me now that hasn’t been present for a very long time. I’m breaking old habits that I’ve instilled in myself for a very long time. I’m taking each day to think as positively as I possibly can, there really is no time in my life for negativity. I’ve never craved information more in my life than I am right now. There is so much out there – and there are so many intelligent people who can really make an impact if you just put some effort into absorbing all the information you can. About a year ago, I heard a person say – if you have no idea what you want to do in life, read about those who inspire you. Drink in their thoughts, their emotions, their responses to things. Learn as much as you can, as it starts with a change of thinking. You can come out of any rut, any bad time, even if it’s been years.
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