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Poetry

Panic Attack on the 4 Train

My heart is an oval that encompasses my chest.

Hollow
But not empty
Full of darkness

Somehow
How long has it been this way?
Remember when it was crystal clear water reflecting light from the sun of my being?
Just yesterday

Oh I try to breathe through from bottom straight up

From top to bottom
But I forget to exhale
I forget

It gets clogged there in my heart.

Could I clean it?
Could I make it crystal again?

 

Using bodies
Using my body
Using other bodies to fuel my body

Is not good for my body

 

I must continue today
With a vat of sludge lodged in where my heart normally lives

I put my hand on it and

Oh
The tears stream
At least

They’re clean

I want them to wash my insides like they wash my face

Fall quickly

Dripping slowly

Pouring out the sludge from inside my chest and transforming it into little
sparkling drops of don’t talk to me right now

A tear is a tiny prayer of purification

A wish to let the twinkling holes of light shine thru the thick blackness of all that
trauma

Could you please give me a little space as I scrub this place clean?

Comment
by calleyluman1

Hi there! I am a non-binary multi-disciplinary artist who creates with words, music, and visual media. I love exploring my many facets of creativity to serve and support the collective healing of all beings. Themes I typically write about are co-dependency, mental illness, empowerment, and spirituality. I am interested in behavior, astrology, tarot, social justice, and rocks and minerals. I am also in an emerging electronic/indie/modern r&b band called ghosts. As a woman & gender non-conforming duo, our music tells the stories of our traumas re-masked in our heightened personas as beautiful & terrifying divine beings. It's fun, cool, scary and you can cry & dance to every song. I've been writing songs, short stories, and poetry since elementary school and I'd love to share my art with you!

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