None of what happened was my fault. Almost a year later and I’m just now understanding this. I didn’t ask to be lied to, led on, or cheated on. Being mentally and emotionally abused was something I did not ask for or want. All I wanted was for you to love me back. Not once did I ask you for anything materialistic, just your time and your love. Simple things that you felt was too much to give. I hate myself for how much time and effort I put into watering a dead relationship. So many years thrown away, time I won’t ever get back. Your selfish ways kept me from standing up to you. You were an emotional bully. You knew what you were doing, and you didn’t care. That, I think is the scariest thing, your lack of caring for how your actions and selfishness had affected me.
You used me up until I became an empty shell. The things I once enjoyed no longer had meaning to me. My friends became distant and eventually disappeared. This was not a life worth living and had no quality. Yet, you were thriving, living your best life. You got to do whatever you wanted with whomever you wanted while I stayed home being faithful to you.
Eventually, I was strong enough to stand up to you and kick you out of my life. For several months’ things were going great and I got my friends back. For whatever reason, I caught myself missing you. I was foolish enough to think you’ve changed and maybe you wanted to work it out again. Biggest mistake of my life. You didn’t change, and I felt myself slipping back into that black hole of depression. This time around was different. With a newfound strength, I stood up to you and told you I couldn’t do this anymore. I managed to do this before it was too late, and another six years went by. No longer a pawn in you twisted, toxic game, I am free.
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