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Lifestyle

My IRL Makeup Routine

Hey Everybodyyy! Happy Wednesday! Thank you so much for joining me. For today’s video, I’m doing a tutorial on how to get your makeup done before work IRL (so you don’t have to do it with a compact mirror at your desk again or hiding in the bathroom stall after successfully avoiding 2 coworkers). Since it’s 6:19 now and I need to leave at 6:30, I’m going to skip the 7 minute monologue where I joke about how lazy I am when it comes to makeup and then proceed with a 32 step routine using products that each cost about $27.50 per ounce.

Let’s jump right in!

Step #1: Moisturize

This is so important because it keeps your skin healthy which makes your face look better when you cover it with makeup. Full disclosure: I’m feeling guilty because even though I have a perfectly good 12-step Korean skincare product line in my vanity, last night I only had enough energy to wipe the makeup off my face with a baby wipe (if it’s good enough for a baby’s bottom…amiright?). So today I’m going to put on Olay’s daily moisturizer. With 7 total benefits, it’s basically the same thing.

Step #2 (or 8 if we’re counting the 7 added benefits from step #1): Oops, it’s 6:27 and I still need to pour myself some coffee, figure out where I left my sunglasses, and finish getting dressed.

Step #3: 6:34. I gotta go! While I do not approve of distracted driving, there are 7 stop lights between my place and my workplace. I’m also not one to waste idle time. So I’m going to grab my canvas bag with my makeup in it from yesterday (I know who I am) and start my commute to work.

Step #4/1st red light: Foundation

I currently use a liquid concealer for my under eyes, a concealer stick for spot control, a tinted moisturizer for my base, a full coverage foundation/moisturizer, a setting powder, and a setting mist to finish. I’m really into my concealer right now. I mean that literally. I’ve been scraping the sides of the container because I haven’t been able to purchase a new bottle. I think the concealer has actually gotten a shade darker somehow which works because it’s summer and I’ve tanned a bit. Also, the residual foundation on my brush is probably sufficient to cover my face since I haven’t had time to clean that either.

Green light!

So now I’m going to dab and blend with my brush while keeping my eyes on the road. I know where my face is. I’ll use the next stop light to examine my work.

Step #5/3rd light (just my luck- the 2nd light turned green just as I approached it): Blush and Highlighter

You know the drill. Brush your blush along your cheekbones and follow that up with some highlighter. Don’t skimp but also don’t make yourself look like an embarrassed Bratz doll.

Step #6/4th Light: Eyes

There’s always 1 light where someone pulls up right next to you and you have to pull up just enough so the window frame blocks their field of vision. Cool. For the eye shadow: repeat step #5 and replace cheekbone with eyelid.

Green light and I’m on the highway.

I have a vivid vision of getting in a car accident while curling my lashes and ripping my eyelid off. You can understand why I don’t do makeup while driving on the highway and neither should you.

5th Light: Finally off the highway but this one turns green too.

Step #7/6th Light: Mascara

Red light (finally). I know it’s waterproof mascara but they might as well call it bulletproof. I have tried to get it off with charcoal and avocado scrubs, microcellular makeup removers, baby wipes, and even soap but it’s no bueno. I haven’t seen my natural lashes in 8 days. Apparently this is how I exist now.

I could probably get away with just curling my lashes and leave it at that. For the sake of this video though I’m not going to skip steps. Eyes wide. Mouth open. Curl and coat. Coat, coat, coat. Chin down to coat the bottom lashes. Coat, coat, coat.

Step #8/7th and last light: Last looks. I’m taking time to make sure I look like I did this in front of my bathroom mirror. Sometimes I’ll notice my mascara is smeared into my lash line but I can play it off like I went for the smudgy look.

Now that I’ve pulled into the parking lot at work, I’m going to hide the evidence of my commuter cosmetics kit. I’m going to put my makeup back in the canvas bag and then stash it on the backseat.

Well, I’m walking in to work now. I hope you enjoyed this…Oh look there’s Carol…with her visor down…putting on mascara. C’mon Carol. Get it together, girl. 

Anyways, I hope you liked my video! Don’t forget to like and subscribe!

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by Rebecca Seifert

Hi! I'm Rebecca Seifert- I run a women’s humor blog. My writing inspiration comes from Nora Ephron, Tina Fey, and Lauren Graham (any writer with a dry wit). I would love to collaborate with a publication by contributing humor articles that relate to women about daily life.

You can see my work by following any of the links below.


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