Last night, I kept on having this sudden obsession to learn how to make bead bracelets. I had a feeling it was a skill I was going to need later on, and indeed, I did! The symbolism of putting those beads together and how one needed this clip to secure the beads felt meaningful. I realized later that this energy of putting things full circle, tightening up loose ends, through one common thread was what I needed to do in my personal life.
As I worked on my vibration today, through meditation and other practices, I had my focus on bringing more wisdom to the flow of cocreation I was manifesting in my life.
Oh boy! I was in for a surprise!
I simply get so impressed about how fast the answers come when you just allow them to!
The dissonance of “victimhood” and “rejection” came into my mind.
I’d seen myself procrastinate about certain projects that I knew were important, yet I’d always find other small projects or distractions to avoid the “big subject”! But this was not such a surprise. We all do this at times. It’s human nature. We don’t want to do paperwork, and watch TV instead. We don’t want to do the dishes, we call a friend instead. We complain there’s no food ready, but we are too lazy to do the grocery shopping and meal prep for the week.
Now, when I decided to have a chat with my dark self, the one that stays in the shadow, yet whispers in my ear, I was ready to go where it would hurt: Why did we manifest times of rejection, and what happened then? What did it create instead? I was shocked by the answers that followed when I lined up “the beads” of this circle.
Here is our conversation:
DARK: “In the past, when we felt rejected we were going into this victim mode, as if the thing we wanted most was forever lost. That if it didn’t work out the first time, the VERY FIRST TIME, then it would NEVER WORK. There were no trials, no second chances, no other factors involved in our minds about this. Either it worked, or it didn’t. And if it didn’t we blamed others and ourselves. A lot. And for a long long painful time”
LIGHT: “Well, that doesn’t seem to be accurate from what we know now, correct?!”
DARK: “No. So what now?”
LIGHT: “Tell me how we felt about it?”
DARK: “Desperate and furious. We took turns. And eventually, we decided to destroy everything, the dream itself, and go for something else, another one. Just like in our relationships or jobs (before we found our career). Jumping from one to the other”.
LIGHT: “So if we follow the thread and repeated that cycle over and over again, we never got to our deepest wish and dreams, haven’t we?”
DARK: “No. We still cry and scream about this.”
LIGHT: “Yes, I remember. Yesterday was a perfect example.”
We both laugh! We have a recording of the discussion that we just listened to before we started the “talk”!
DARK: “So what do we do now?”
By the way, when your dark side starts to ask your light side questions, this is a very good sign of cooperation, and healing!
LIGHT: “We find the common detonator”
DARK: “You mean who?”
LIGHT: “You know this is between you and me, right?! It is not either you or me that does this on purpose, nor someone to us. We have built this system. Pretty well actually. It looks like an escape mechanism, a program around the fear of success and failure! They come as a pair, just like us!’
DARK: “But success is power! And you know I love power!”
LIGHT: “Yes, but you also learned from my side that power could be used on you, and that didn’t feel good at all, correct?!”
DARK: “Correct! So what IS IT?”
LIGHT: “FOCUS & DISTRACTION! They come as a pair. Again. Just like you and me!”
DARK: “So we let our FEAR OF REJECTION distract us from our goals?”
LIGHT: “Yes! And not only this! We USE LOVE AS THE REASON OF THIS DISTRACTION”.
DARK: “We did? HOW?”
LIGHT: “How many times have we gone to our dark places after feeling rejected? EVERY TIME! And when we do, whether it is a person, or not, we feel the rejection and loss of a certain expression of LOVE. That’s when we lost ourselves. Do you remember all those times we gave up on our dreams or compromised them in “the name of LOVE”? True Unconditional Love isn’t supposed to cage us, it’s supposed to INSPIRE US! FREE US!”
DARK: “So we simply have to keep on going! Follow the DESIRE, follow the LOVE we felt, the one that was born from one idea, one sacred moment, which then led to another, and another, and ANOTHER!”.
LIGHT: “ Yes, and that’s why we get so mad and so sad. Intensively! We have accumulated decades and lifetimes of this exact pattern! No more!”
DARK: “NO MORE!”
LIGHT: “ To manifest, they say, you need to know your whys… That’s giving reason to the heart, and we know that’s not how the heart works. The heart feels the spark of inspiration, the light of cocreation (God if you will) and just wants to be sung and expressed out loud. It has no condition nor reasoning. When you remove the whys, this is TRUE FREEDOM.
If you ask a child why they love certain things, they will not know why, they will only feel the passion they have for it, and tell you that it just feels good”.
DARK: “So we gotta follow our passion no matter what happens, and who is in the picture from now on!”
LOVE IS OUR INSPIRATION. IT IS OUR COMPASS. OUR DIRECTION.
NOT A DISTRACTION, NOR A REASON.
IT SIMPLY IS. And this is the key to let it roam free. Eternally”.