Hey,
I have heard for how beautiful it’s for a young girl to fall in love for the first time. After all, her father is her first love!
The difference between me and those girls is; I wondered where my first Love was! Not that I didn’t know where u were, I knew but your presence in my life – though – was non existence!
I had to make peace with my reality, create stability with those who shared their time with me! Time, priceless! The only thing I wanted but for some odd reason was expensive for you to offer!
See, the gifts, the non stop reminder of how much you love me and wished for things that i knew you could change but chose not to! Only meant so much for a short period and so little over the years!
On the other end, I wished & reckoned for us to be on the same time zone, maybe then you could have given me the priceless jewel – your time!
Everybody told me it ain’t as easy as I thought or think it’s … I remember, you saying that too! Touché!
What you all failed to understand is, I never asked for it to be easy nor difficult – I wanted it to be neutral!
With all the technologies in the world! FaceTime, Skype, etc … you name it – I see you quite often now – but – I still don’t see you!
I close my eyes and envision you – how u look now – what you doing – are you ok? – how is life –
All of that crowding my mind & soul – filling my eyes with tears – tears I wished they were of joy – Regardless – i still pick up my phone and dial your number!
Have you had the same thoughts as I do I about you – maybe you could have reached out more!
All I have now is your could have – should have – and would have!
Searched for pieces of my puzzles – hoping to find one with you in it but it vanished so easily and breaks by the thought of it!
Hard to capture – nevertheless I smile and keep my self going! Something iconic your absence taught me!!
I hope when you get to read this one day! Maybe in the next life – less probability of our tomorrow – I want you to know that – I can now talk about it because I am ok now!
I am ok with your absence then – it made me stronger! I am ok with only seeing you through the phone – at least that been solid for a couple of years now! I am grateful to know God kept you all this years so you witness what an amazing woman he made me to be!
I am happy that we got this life to live with u being my Dad not my father! I am happy you it wasn’t you who taught me how to love , care, nature and be human! Oh – I am so blessed to finally say – I know your ego is above you – hence the reason why I will never here you say am sorry – nevertheless, I forgive you and love you!
Dorcas Mbevo
