Dear little 11-year-old me,
I wish I could tell you not to worry, but there’s no use in that. You’re a natural worrier, I know. Telling you not to worry won’t help you. And unfortunately, over the next 10 years of your life, you’ll have lots to worry over, and it doesn’t stop here either. But that’s just the way life is, isn’t it? Whilst life will be worrying, stressful and all sorts for you, on the whole though, things do end up okay. In fact, they end up more than simply ‘okay’ in most cases.
Try not to be so hard on yourself, you put too much pressure on yourself and are your own greatest critic. It won’t do you any good, because you spend a good few years fighting your mind. This means that you’ve had to learn to love yourself all over again. As of today you’re still learning, it’s not a linear process in the slightest. But hey, you know, I think you’re getting there now.
You are positive, and bright and full of light — everyone you love and value describes you as the most positive person that they know. Your positivity is your strength, harness it’s power. Your positivity is where you can draw strength from, even in your darkest moments. Because I know that you’re strong, I’m beginning to recognize it now. You are much stronger than you can ever imagine yourself being, because you are at your strongest when you don’t feel as strong, and it is your strength that keeps you going through it all.
You’ve always been shy, a wallflower you might say. And you lack confidence, I know. There are going to be certain moments and events in the years ahead of you that will knock that confidence down to the ground. You spend a lot of years hanging your head and keeping quiet. Which means you won’t believe me when I tell you that your confidence comes back. It comes back little by little. I think it’s always been there, but it’s been covered over and repressed. Because it bounces back with a new, refreshing attitude, yet you’re still the same you. Your heart doesn’t change one bit, but in the last two years alone, you have changed for the better and you are so much happier now. There are days when this confidence dwindles, of course, but as you gradually begin to heal, your newfound confidence will grow and start to shine out of you like rays of sunshine. You won’t believe all the things that we’ve done if I tell you now, so I’ll keep them a secret and let you experience them all when the time comes.
Above all else, I want you to know that even when things are going wrong, when they are going so wrong and you can’t see a way out, they are going wrong for a reason that you’ll understand later on. Even when things are not going the way you hoped and wanted them to, they are happening in that way for a reason. These things will be hard for you to deal with at the time, but you’ll work through them and come out on top, because they will help to shape you into who you are today. Not getting what you wanted, or rather, what you thought you wanted at the time, can be the greatest thing that will happen to you and ultimately move you onto even better things.
Please trust in the timing of your life, as infuriating as it may be. Trust in the process and don’t lose faith. Things will work out well in the end, and this is just the beginning. Things get better, they always do.
Lots of love,
Future you x
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