You’re unhappy in your marriage. You’ve given it plenty of thought and have finally decided that you want a divorce. It can be an incredibly difficult decision to make, and it can be even more difficult to break the news to your spouse. While there isn’t a set answer for telling your spouse you want a divorce, there are some ways to approach the topic that can help lessen the blow of devastation, prevent an eruption of anger and keep things from getting messy.
Time Things Properly
This is a huge decision to make, and one that will significantly impact both of your lives. Choosing the right time to have the conversation about divorce can be tough, but you’ll want to at least make sure it’s at a time when your partner is emotionally ready to hear this news. Avoid breaking this news to them when they are feeling stressed or emotionally overwhelmed. Waiting for a better moment to have this talk can help lessen the damage your partner feels.
Get the Right Place
Make sure when you decide to tell your partner you want a divorce that you’re having this conversation in a quiet place that’s private. If you’re currently seeking couple’s therapy, a good location may be the therapist’s office where both partners feel safe and can speak freely. The therapist can act as a mediator creating boundaries, so each partner can speak without being interrupted.
Skip the Details
The details of a divorce shouldn’t be a part of the first conversation you’re having with your partner. If this is news your partner is hearing for the first time, let them digest the information you’re giving them before delving into the specifics. “Custody arrangements, dividing up assets and other details can be discussed at another time. The key in this conversation is letting your decision sink in with your partner before moving onto other conversations,” outlines relationship counselor Jason Bond, of UKWritings and EssayRoo.
Be Careful with Your Words
The words you use to break this news can significantly steer the conversation in different ways and have an impact on how the news is received. You’ll want to be honest in your conversation, but you will want to carefully choose your words. Avoid using blaming words, like ‘You should have,’ and ‘You never,’ because that can cause your partner to go on the defensive. Being ambiguous in your conversation can also leave your partner thinking there is a chance to salvage the relationship, which can make the entire divorce process much more difficult.
Realize You’re Both Unhappy
Divorce is almost never one-sided, and generally both partners have feelings of unhappiness and lack of fulfillment in the marriage. Even if one partner is more unhappy than the other, it almost never happens where one partner is totally unfulfilled in the marriage and the other is completely thrilled with it.
Acknowledging your mutual unhappiness can help make the conversation much easier, as it doesn’t seem as one-sided. Legal writer David Yagi, from BoomEssays and Academized suggests, “A good way to start the divorce conversation is by making the acknowledgement that you have not been happy for a long time, and you think that that they are not happy either.” Beginning the conversation with this acknowledgement allows both parties to participate in the conversation equally, without one feeling attacked.
Work as a Team
As difficult as this may be to understand, even though you’re separating it’s important to work together as a team to get through this process. It’s one of the most difficult times in your life, but it doesn’t have to be a battle. This is especially true if there are children involved, when your common goal should be what’s in their best interest. Starting off by listing the common goals you both have will help each partner realize that they’re both in this together and that is to both of their benefits to work together.
This is one of the biggest and most difficult decisions in your life. Take your time in breaking this news to your spouse, and give them the time they need to process this information. Even though they may be feeling the same way, it’s always difficult to come to terms with the decision to divorce. But, by following these approaches, you can make the news easier to accept.
Chloe Bennet is a relationship writer at State Of Writing and Big Assignments portal. She gives suggestions on how to live healthy and loving life. Also, Chloe teaches business writing at Australian Help service.