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Mental Health

Binging on Depression

one day lost
two days counting minutes missed
just the same as the three opportunities
stacking up behind and beside a fourth month
with nothing to show for five wasted years

Life is a countdown for us all, no matter how boldly you live it, and I have not been living boldly. For so long I’ve been telling myself that this is a choice, that it’s simply how I want to live. But deep down I know I crave to be seen, or at the very least, heard, even if the sound of my voice makes me cringe like nothing else.

dearest girl
in the mirror
i see you wilting
before spring
has even begun
please wait
be patient
i’m going to
make this work

We have the ability, I believe, to see every layer of ourselves when we look into our own eyes. That’s as deep as our most raw emotions, all the way out to the way we wear our hair and our chosen fabric.

she weighed nothing
but broke the scale
every time she dared
to step up test limits
how long she can love
her home after she found it
broken beneath her soles

The skin I live in is my home. It’s hard to love my home when I’m not treating it right. Every time I take my boredom or my unhappiness out on my health, I’m wrecking my home. It’s funny(ish) when you think of the meme binging has become. We binge TV, we binge food and watch others do the same for our entertainment. When I’m not putting myself out into the world, socializing, working, keeping busy, I’m binging. And I don’t think I’m the only one.

just so we’re clear
if i skip i’ll stumble
collapse to rolling pavement
still headed towards
inevitabilities only
with nothing of my own

Habits are far too easy to break.

don’t mind me
i’m climbing lying down
moving forward with my back
flat against ground that
hasn’t given in yet

Sometimes I binge on sleep. (Sometimes I don’t sleep at all.)

don’t you mind
this isn’t the view
you thought you’d see
from the top of hope

At the very least, I’ll find myself welcomed and accepting company for when I spend full days watching [insert favorite sitcom and/or drama here].

Like this post? View similar content here: A Year Of Recovery, Discovery And Vulnerability: Coping With An Eating Disorder & Anxiety As A Medical Student
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by byrei

My name is Rei, and I am simply a young woman in her early 20's, trying to make it in life. That's what I share in my poetry and my stories.


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