I woke up blinded
Reminded of your smooth words and the thought of you
4:14 a.m. most of Toronto’s still sleeping
Laying here wide awake, I’m lucid dreaming
The only place where I let things go, with some degree of my control
Baby, these days love has different meanings
A few months pass and it was nothing more than demeaning to you
Maybe I shouldn’t have let myself walk in
Maybe my values were too old fashioned
Since when did being passionate become mistaken for trying too hard?
Remember when we only had land lines, to reach me you would show up
at the front of my yard
Nowadays I would be lucky if a man like you would send me a text,
throws one off guard
To think technology would make communication easier
I cannot see over this barrier
“Girl, I think you need to let it go,” my friends reassure me
How can I let go when I was holding on to nothing but uncertainty?
I held on to the possibility of what we call “almost”
Now I’m thrown on the sidelines, I still play for your team
Summertime, holding an ice-cream cone of Neapolitan
So, close I can almost taste you as I unveil the different layers
You had your eyes on several different women, a different day, a different flavour
My love was never yours to savour
Was not one to pray everyday though I could have been your saviour
As soon as you knew I cared for you, you changed your behaviours
Except you did not need saving, you needed someone relating to you
One who does not underestimate you
I had this transparency, I was almost see-through
Guess you never thought about what you put me through
You were open to seeing parts of me, never what lies beyond the surface
Questioned if you were good enough
Funny how you always had the ability to make me nervous
First time showing up at my front door, leaving me wordless
I connected with you like letters written in cursive
Now I’m here by myself again, lying here restless as my eyes begin to strain
I had to dig deeper than six feet to find what remains of me
I let go of my shovel once I found the parts that were not decayed
Had to quit overthinking the reasons why you left when you could have stayed
Tell me I changed. Your perception of me has
Either way it is a shame if I were to remain the same
What is love? Hard to define in this generation
Nowadays I see people rushing on commitment for their own financial gains
Find something that sustains you
Acting as if life is always well put together will only take you and drain you
Believe me, I know, when you have too much pride you become afraid to let it show
If you saw me in the street you would not recognize me
Hell, it took me long enough to prioritize me
Author: Jennifer Kriski
Email: [email protected]
Author Bio: Toronto girl. Born and raised. You’ll find her by the Lakeshore, holding a book or a film camera.
She lives for camp fire stories, writing poetry, and churros.
Link to social media or website: http://instagram.com/jenniferkriski
