Buried anger, bitterness, and unresolved conflicts can wreak havoc in your relationship, causing you and your partner to drift away. Each big and small fight creates a gap that becomes difficult to close over time. You then wonder how to fix a relationship after a long fight but not sure where to start.

Feelings of betrayal, rage, grief, and helplessness can engulf your relationship. During such times, it's important to remember what makes your significant other the love of your life. 

When one quarrel leads to another and makes you feel like you have no hope of repairing the damage— figuring out ways and means to restore romance to your life is critical and the main way you can fix your relationship after a long fight.

To genuinely move on and leave all grudges behind after a major disagreement, addressing your issues and reconnecting with your partner is essential. You both must put an equivalent effort into recognizing and fixing problems in between. 

Why is it essential to acknowledge arguments and how do we fix a relationship after a long fight?

Acknowledging disputes and arguments is the first step in resolving any dispute. Even if you indulge in influential fights with your partner, it will help you keep your relationship strong. 

Keep in mind that terrible conflicts in a connection entirely ruin it in the long term. However, if you regularly take notes of your behavior towards your partner and try to make it better, you are on the right path. 

Always try to re-establish communication with your mate after a furious argument. 

Here are some ideas to solve any disagreement and build a relationship with each other

Some conflicts are usually minor, but many can be hurtful and leave a lasting impression. The impression could even weaken your love for each other over time. This can cause severe damage, not just to your relationship but also to your mental health. 

It is vital to take proactive steps following an argument to and figure out how to fix a relationship after a long fight to strengthen beliefs, restore confidence, and soothe frazzled nerves. 

The conclusion of an argument should always signal the beginning of efforts and making amends.

Here are some tips that can help reunite after a fight: 

1. Give some space:

When it comes to developing a healthy relationship, striking a delicate balance between solitude and intimacy is critical. After a fight, this becomes even more crucial to remember. 

Why is space important in couples?  

• You both have a chance to cool down and perceive the situation more calmly. 
• You can re-organize your thoughts and develop a better understanding. 

Take advantage of mutual space to step back and think calmly about the situation at hand as well as your relationship. Some deep introspection will most likely assist you in overcoming your anger.

2. Express your emotions:

Avoid suppressing your feelings and let yourself feel your emotions is important when figuring out how to fix a relationship after a long fight. If something is affecting you, you have every right to confront it. Express your emotions to your partner, so it is easy to understand. 

This prevents many fights from originating as you expressed what was wrong before it became a grudge. 

Allow yourself to be with your emotions until they no longer feel as strong and aggressive. You and your partner may be ready to talk about the dispute after you both have regained your composure.

3. Make use of "I" statements:

After a disagreement, you must communicate properly to heal your 

relationship. To get the conversation started, use I statements. 

What are "I" statements?

• Statements that are about what happened to you rather than what you believe happened to the other person.
• Rather than beginning with "you," some phrases start with the pronoun "I," such as "I believe," "I think," and "I feel."

As a result, your partner will not believe that you are blaming them or making assumptions about their part of the story. When you explain things from your point of view, your partner is less likely to become defensive and is more inclined to pay attention to what you are saying.

4. Take a break 

Sometimes, the issue can deteriorate into a heated dispute even if you utilize "I" statements and intently listen. In such cases, immediately notify your partner that you require time away from each other. 

Give each other space and spend some time with your own self. Then when you are ready, inform your lover of your desire to reunite and try again. 

Things to look forward to in this break:

• Make sure that you return at the agreed-upon time. 
• Make use of this opportunity to relax and acknowledge your emotions.
• Consider what you might require to listen to your partner and communicate your requirements more freely. 

There is nothing wrong with taking a break when you genuinely need one, but doing so regularly can impair your ability to mend properly.

5. Engage in healthy conversations

“If there is to be reconciliation, first, there must be the truth.” - Timothy B. Tyson

Once you've both calmed down a little, try to engage in healthy conversation with your significant other. Make efforts as soon as possible to repair your damaged relationship. 

Avoid bringing up the argument or the reason that caused it in the first place. Keep in mind that you're both on the same team and don't want to cause each other any harm. After a fight, having a healing session is very important if you want your relationship to get back on track.

6. Express your regret and apologize: 

A true, heartfelt apology is one of the most basic and plain things you can do to help resolve a problem. However, when egos are involved, it is frequently the most difficult. 

When you're in the wrong, you can feel it in your stomach, and admitting one's faults is a sign of strength, not weakness. As a result, admit your mistake and apologize to your partner with maybe even a simple "sorry." 

If saying sorry in words is difficult for you: 

• You might look into some cute little methods to express your regret and make your loved one smile. 
• Use small notes or gifts.
• Maybe cook them their favorite dish, watch their favorite movie with them, or just try saying sorry with a classic rose and chocolate! 

When the equation is flipped, it will inspire your partner to follow your lead as well.

7. Discuss the solution:

As we stated in the introduction, some couples argue and continue to go back and forth with arguments. On the other hand, some couples can resolve their issues and recover from their disagreements consistently. 

There is always a solution. Always!

If you want to keep your relationship intact and in good health, you must find a solution to your problems and resolve your disagreements on time. 

How do you achieve that?

• Take a moment to sit down with your partner and discuss the current unhealthy situation. 
• Find the underlying issue causing the disagreement, and what can you or your partner do to influence or change this behavior or action. 
• Make sure you talk about these options with closed ones and actively think about other options.
• Come up with a compromise or a choice on how you will resolve the issue this time. 
• Discuss how you're going to prevent it from becoming a problem again in the future. 
• Be open to adjusting where you can, for each other.

Arguing will only make things more stressful, leading to a relationship ending. 

8. Show them how much you care:

Fights can cause people to have second thoughts about their decision to stay with a certain individual or relationship. To strengthen the belief that you and your partner belong together and that a fight – no matter how big or nasty – is just an unpleasant experience, you must shower them with love and care regularly. 

Here's how you can shower affection:

• You can express affection verbally or through gestures such as hugging, kissing, planning a surprise date, or even going on a romantic getaway with your significant other. 
• Instead of seeking solitude, try to find togetherness. 
• Being the one to initiate a peaceful process is a powerful demonstration of one's strength. Don't be ashamed; instead, find a good time and a romantic way to say sorry.

How long should you wait to try to resolve an argument after it has erupted? 

Our advice is to get started as soon as possible! After a fight, it is not acceptable to stew and sulk unless it's too severe and requires time for you to process it and be fine yourself first.

1. Make your relationship your number one priority:

One of the most effective ways to repair the damage caused by a big argument is by prioritizing your relationship with your partner. Make it clear to your partner that you have been unable to bear the thought of being apart from them and that they are the most important person in your life.

Leaving your loved one alone after a fight will only make things worse for everyone involved. It is also essential to know when you need space and when you don't. 

2. Communicate with sincerity 

Effective communication is essential for a healthy and happy relationship. Couples who have had a big argument find it an invaluable tool in reuniting. If you have worked out your differences, try to have an open and honest conversation.

Tell your partner about the things that have bothered you the most, and keep an open mind when they tell you the same thing about themselves. This helps clear up any hidden or unresolved issues that can quickly add up and cause fights and conflicts.

3. Try not to give your partner the cold shoulder.

Taking some time to unwind after a fight is perfectly normal and expected, and it helps you collect your thoughts and comprehend the existing crisis. Even if you have some residual anger and frustration after the fight, avoid giving your partner the cold shoulder or giving them the silent treatment.

Why should you not give them the cold shoulder?

The only thing this will achieve is alienating your partner while also complicating the dynamics of your relationship further. If you can't be yourself around your partner, say that you need more time to get back to your normal self-convictions.

When you've had a big fight, it's understandable to feel upset and vulnerable emotionally. As you work to deal with your negative feelings, it's important to keep in mind that a fight that goes on for too long can do more harm than good.

What can you do instead? 

Consider making a collective effort to gain control of your emotions and try to break the ice by engaging in a joint activity that you and your partner enjoy doing. So, you will be able to connect and lessen the harmful effects of distance and negativity on your relationship as a whole.

4. Step into their shoes: 

A difference in viewpoints or beliefs sparks the majority of fights. Divergent perspectives on a topic can result in miscommunication, conflict, and a failure to communicate effectively. 

Naturally, you and your partner will not always agree on everything. This is normal, and it's even better as it can strike up meaningful conversations and also teach you to respect a difference in opinion.

What to do when you cannot agree with your partner? 

Instead of dismissing the other person's point of view, the mature way to deal with such disagreements is to acknowledge them. Taking this step will help design your relationship into a shelter that allows you to thrive individually and as a couple.

5. Keep your cool and don't jump to a conclusion: 

It takes time to fix a relationship after a long fight. However, just because a disagreement has been resolved does not necessarily imply that you have fully recovered from your setback. If you've had a big fight, don't rush to reconnect.

Before attempting to return to your happy place, allow yourself the time you require to come to terms with the fact that something unpleasant and nasty has occurred between you two. Maintain a healthy distance from your partner during this time. 

Do not draw any wild conclusions about the parting based on temporary anger or disagreement, as it can cause unnecessary trust issues between the two of you. 

6. Maintain your routines and rituals:

The rituals that every couple practices regularly are different. Your relationship is defined by the small acts of togetherness that you perform, such as:

• Cooking meals together
• Grocery shopping together
• Planning a date night every week, and so on.

As soon as you have resolved a disagreement and want to reconnect with your partner, make sure to get these rituals back in order. Take the initiative yourself, rather than waiting for your partner to do so or overthinking their reaction. 

Don't be afraid to take the leap of faith and go for it. After a fight, come up with unique ways to make up.

FAQs on fixing a relationship after a long fight

While we are here on relationships and arguments, here are some of the frequently asked questions we come across:

1. How long does it take for a person to recover from a fight?

The amount of time it takes to recover from a fight is dependent on several factors. 

After a particularly vicious fight with your partner, it may take longer to recover than it would after a smaller fight or mild argument. What's most important is understanding how to repair a relationship after a fight. 

2. How do you get through a disagreement in a relationship?

Firstly, inquiring about repairing a relationship after a disagreement shows that you are concerned. The best way to recover from a fight depends on various factors, including the subject matter, whether or not the fight was volatile, and so on.

When it comes to learning how to fix a relationship after a fight, most relationship experts agree that talking it out calmly is the best way to go about things. This is, without doubt, correct. If you want to succeed in your partnership, you must communicate openly, listen to one another, and ensure that both partners are heard. 

So, the right questions to ask would be: 

• How do I heal myself after this fight?
• How do I consistently make an effort to solve our issues?
• What can I do to avoid escalating an argument? 
• Does my communication need to be better?

3. What can I do to get my relationship back on track?

There are various things that you can do to help your relationship get back on track. In a romantic relationship, feelings of affection, communication, trust, honesty, and the ability to resolve conflicts are all necessary.

Increase your exhibitions of affection toward one another, and make sure that you are spending quality time and going on date nights regularly to strengthen your relationship.

In Conclusion,

Storms and upheavals are unavoidable in any relationship. To be prepared for these storms, it's best to work on strengthening your relationship so that it can weather even the most severe setbacks.

If you notice a pattern in which you and your partner have frequent and particularly bad fights, try seeking the help of a couple of counselors or therapists who can help you learn how to fix a relationship after a long fight and get your relationship back on track. The best thing to do if you and your partner have a lot of bad fights is to get help.

The road to releasing mother wounds and being your authentic self is a forked road.

It has two long and winding pathways that curve and stretch for what seems an eternity.

Both paths appear the same, they have the same bumps and twists and turns. But only the person walking them can feel the difference. The differences start off minute then become more bold, more profound with each step.

The path to the left allows the traveler to stay uncomfortably comfortable in the wounds. The path presents different challenges: a boss asking us to stay late or take on another project, a work meeting with requests for ideas and opinions, a business that demands to know what you’ll offer and for how much and how often, a lover that requests your intimacy and physical affections, potential friends that desire your openness and vulnerability. On this path as each challenge presents the anxiety and fear bubble up.
There’s a small voice that requests you to speak, to share your thoughts and who you are underneath. It begs you to open and you know exactly what should be said, expressed or done. What needs to be offered up but then that other voice drowns it all out. It practically screams at you to stay quiet as your chest is filled with heart-pounding tension and your throat closes. Irritation boils at others for their ability to speak or their request for you to speak. You feel weighed down and at the same time this vibrating anxiety as this voice booms and drones on about how you’ll be judged for speaking, how you’re not smart enough, not lovable enough, not good enough. It won’t shut up until it’s had its way with you because the voice of your mother is so much stronger, or so it seems.

We can spend a lifetime on that path. Just repeating the same exact exchange with moments of straight and narrow where we hope within hope that things will get better. We wait for some shining savior to sweep us away from this path, but it will never come. It won’t come because that savior isn’t needed to get to the other path. What’s needed is for us to look around and see the hidden walkway off to the side that will allow us to take the other path. It’s not very long but covered with brush and trees and seems darker than this path so we must be brave to travel it.

When we do, we come to this seemingly identical path. It has all the same challenges with one difference…you. You have pushed through the dark and hidden walkway and begun to realize you’re braver than you thought. So, with each challenge those familiar feelings of anxiety and irritation wane. The fear slowly dies as you choose to speak. The choice to share your voice, share your thoughts, ideas…yourself becomes easier with each moment. The tension becomes less and less as the voice quiets more and more until they are nothing more than a whisper in the distance. With each step and each challenge your body still vibrates but not with anxiety but the sheer excitement of being seen, being loved and being you.

This pathway holds promise and possibility and all it takes to travel it is a bit of courage and trust that you can make the journey.

The life of being a single girl is an exciting time, but it can also be lonely. You’re constantly surrounded by people in relationships, you’re trying to enjoy the life you have but sometimes it can get a little boring of the same old same old. There’s a number of things you can do but you’re not sure where to start. Don’t worry, there are plenty of self date ideas that you can do to enjoy your own company.

It’s important to remember that you can enjoy time alone and make the most out of your singleness. Just because one may be without partner doesn’t mean they have an excuse for not trying new things or taking up hobbies. Here are 45 + self date ideas that will help you enjoy your singleness and keep you occupied and happy!

1. Go on a nature walk.

Head outside into the natural world. Walk along a path or explore an abandoned building and see what wonders you can discover!

2. Take yourself out to lunch or dinner.

You can always use an excuse to try something new. So, take yourself out for lunch or dinner and go somewhere you’ve never been before!

3. Have a movie marathon

Start your weekend off with some guilt-free entertainment. Why not treat yourself to a movie marathon on Saturday afternoon? It is the perfect self date idea. Spend hours cuddling up in front of the TV and watch all those movies you’ve been wanting to see, but haven’t gotten around too yet! 

4. Paint or draw something.

The best thing you can do is to use your creativity and create something new. It might be a painting, or maybe just some drawings in the margins of an old book that’s been sitting around collecting dust for years. It’s a fantastic way to do something different plus relieve stress.

5. Read a book of a genre you rarely read.

What’s the point of reading books you already know? Read something new and different. This is a great way to escape from your routine, whether it is for fun or study! Reading Diversity provides many benefits, including increased knowledge, which can help us become better humans at understanding the world around us.

6. Go for a bike ride.

It’s the perfect way to enjoy your day! You’ll be happier, healthier, and more productive when you’re in good physical shape. Plus, there are so many beautiful places that offer an amazing view for miles along.

7. Take a yoga class.

Yoga is a great way to get your daily dose of exercise and relaxation. Not only will you feel better, but the mental benefits are unbeatable!

8. Make a list of things you’re grateful for.

You might not know it, but there is something in your life that makes every day better than the one before! Make a list and add to this what brings out gratitude within yourself- even if it’s small or large items like: 

• Having food on the table at home
• Getting mail
• Waking up to a beautiful morning
• Not getting into argument.

9. Write in your journal and self reflect.

Write in your journal about how you are feeling. Then take a few minutes to think about what led until this point and all the things that have happened since then. Growth happens when you're most uncomfortable.

10. Take yourself on a shopping spree.

You deserve it! Get yourself the best of everything.

You work hard for your money, so go out and spend some quality time with fashion in mind because who knows when you’ll be able to do this again?

11. Stargaze on a clear night.

On a clear night, go stargazing. The stars are so far away that they seem like tiny lights in the sky and you’ll want to reach out and touch them!

12. Visit a nearby city or town.

This is an opportunity for you to get out of the house, meet new people and experience life!

13. Cook your favorite meal.

Try cooking your favorite meal. It’s a great way to relax and unwind, plus you get the satisfaction of making something delicious!

14. Take a self-defense class.

The best way to avoid a fight is not always just avoidance. Learning some self-defense skills can help you keep the peace and protect yourself if things ever go south!

15. Make a scrapbook or photo album.

For a creative and personal way to remember all those special moments, make an album! You can also scrapbook or take pictures in this journal.

16. Take cute pictures of yourself.

Show off your best side by taking pictures of yourself with fun props that make you look cool, sophisticated or even magazine cover model worthy. A picture is worth 1000 words and can instantly increase self-confidence

17. Hit up the batting cages.

It’s time to get your swing on. The batting cages are waiting for you, so work those hands of yours into a frenzy!

18. Play tourist in your own city.

Looking for something new to do? Get off the beaten path and check out some of this city’s lesser-known attractions.

19. Go for a swim in the ocean or a pool.

The feeling of freedom and isolation is amazing when you go for a swim in an open body of water. I recommend it to anyone who has time!

21. Visit a museum.

Museum visits are an excellent way to encourage creativity, explore new ideas, and learn about different cultures.

22. Go to the Farmers Market

At the farmers market, you can find fresh produce and meats. There are also delicious baked goods for those who want to indulge in some tasty treats!

23. Take yourself to a theme park.

Theme parks are the perfect way to spend an afternoon. They offer fun rides and attractions that will keep you entertained all day long, with plenty of space in between each ride for eating or shopping!

24. Make a cake or some other type of dessert.

Make your favorite cake, or maybe some new and exciting recipes you have been craving for.

25. Have a picnic in your backyard or at a park.

The best way to spend a summer day is by going on an adventure in the great outdoors. You can take your picnic supplies and enjoy them at any park or open field you find comfortable!

26. Take a dance class.

The first step to a better life is learning how you move. Take up dancing and make it your new hobby!

The joys of motion are therapy for body, mind and soul alike— so why not take some time out each week or day off from work? You’ll feel less stressed about getting things done when there’s something fun waiting in line behind all those tasks on deck at home.

27. Make a Self-Care kit.

It is not just the physical self-care that you need to take care of, but also emotional and mental well being. This kit can be used for this purpose with items such as aromatherapy oils.

28. Work on a DIY project.

What have you done to make your home more beautiful? Now is time for a DIY project.

A little creativity and elbow grease can go a long way in creating something amazing, whether it’s an outdoor space or even just some furniture updates!

29. Go for a drive in the country.

The country is a great place to get some fresh air and relaxation. A drive through scenic terrain can be just what you need.

30. Dress up and take yourself out for a drink.

Why not go out and about? It’s always fun to dress up!

31. Play video games.

Video games are a fun and exciting way to spend time. If you’ve never played before, teach yourself!

32. Take yourself to the theater.

Get out there and enjoy the show. Theater is always a great experience. Watch that movie you’ve been wanting to watch!

33. Make a list of goals for the year.

To make the most of this new year, it is important to set goals. Write your desired outcomes and work towards achieving them.

34. Plan a weekend getaway (by yourself, of course).

It’s the perfect time to catch up on your own personal activities and spend quality time with your thoughts.

35. Hit up the arcade.

Spend an afternoon at the arcade. It’s not just about winning - it’s also imperative that you have fun!

36. Write a letter to your future self.

My future self, you are about to embark on a journey that will change your life forever. You have been given the power and privilege of deciding for yourself in ways I never could as an individual - but it comes with great responsibility too!

37. Take yourself to a comedy club.

Go to the local comedy club and get your mind blown by hilarious jokes. Take yourself out of this world with some great laughs!

38. Spend time with your pets.

Make time for your pets. A lot of people forget about the importance of spending quality one on ones with their furry friends, but this can be an invaluable bonding experience that helps develop closeness and understanding between your two-legged creature!

39. Make a vision board.

Vision boards are a great way to visualize your goals and dreams. They can be made from Pinterest or other sites, but I recommend getting one large poster board at Home Depot so you have more room on it for pictures of things that matter most in life!

40. Take yourself to a concert.

Make your way to the nearest concert. There is nothing more fulfilling than being surrounded by thousands of people who share a mutual love for music and performing art, so go take in some shows!

41. Meditate.

The best way to care for yourself is by meditating. This will not only keep your mind clear but also relieve stress and anxiety, which can lead to physical problems down the line!

42. Make a list of things you love about yourself.

What I love about myself is a topic that can fill up pages and books. From my positive outlook on life to how kind-hearted I am; there’s no shortage of things worth bragging about when it comes down to who you are as an individual!

43. Volunteer for a cause you believe in.

Volunteering is a great way to give back and help those in need. It’s also an excellent opportunity for people to look at their lives from outside perspectives, as volunteering provides them with new skills that can be used in the long run.

44. Make a list of things you’d like to do in the next month.

In the next month, I want _____.

A great way to start is by making a list of all those things you’ve always wanted but haven’t had time for because they were ranked high on your priorities list. Start today!

45. Take yourself out for some frozen yogurt or ice cream.

Treat yourself to some frozen yogurt or ice cream.

Make it worth your while with add-ons like fresh fruit, sprinkles on top and/or drizzled chocolate sauce for that final touch!

46. Get a Mani/Pedi.

Treat yourself to a Mani/Pedi and you’ll be feeling like new again in no time!

47. Take yourself to the spa

Indulge in a spa day as often as possible to make yourself happier, healthier, and more relaxed!

48. Attend a workshop or event

With so many workshops and events going on in the area, it’s easy to get distracted by all of them. You’ll never know what you’re interested in until you step out of your comfort zone!

Bottom Line

Loving yourself is the most important thing you can do. If it’s hard, try to remember that no one will love your future self as much if not more than they love who are now - and what a beautiful person we all have inside us waiting for opportunity!

The best way to show yourself, love, is by accepting and embracing your quirks, passions, and flaws because they make you unique! And once you have that self-love, it will radiate outwards and positively affect all aspects of your life! Taking yourself out on these self dates will only make that love stronger.

What are some self-date ideas that you’ve enjoyed in the past? Share your story. We’d love to hear from you!

Dear Klara and Haven:

Or maybe you were going to be Isla and Crew.

Or those times when I got zen’d out on kombucha and patchouli-scented essential oils, you were probably Olive, India, and Bodhi: my trio of free-spirited darlings.

Whatever your names were, you were mine.

Long ago, I dreamt you up. I envisioned how you looked—if you would have my grey-blue eyes, rosy cheeks, rounded jawline, and brown hair. I wondered if I’d pass along my creative streak and love for nature to you, as well. I dreamt about reading to you at night and teaching you how to sound out the letters yourself; taking you on surprise ice-cream dates, whipping up breakfast for dinner, lathering your hair into shampoo mohawks during baths, and letting you mismatch your clothes for the day—because, kids, you had a unique style.

My instinct would have been to scoop you up in cuddles when you were afraid or scraped your knee, and your scribbles and watercolors would’ve been showcased on our refrigerator like museum pieces. And as you ventured out to explore the world around you, I was going to be an eager spectator of your wild curiosity and amazement. No matter how old you were or where your feet landed, I’d always be your home.

But just as we grew so close to one another—when, for a moment, I could nearly reach out and touch your little hands—I failed us.

My body failed us. For real this time—concrete, final.

No longer was there a silver lining, options, or miracles for us to grasp onto. The rope of yearning tied to you suddenly tethered away, and the fine threads slipped through my fingers.

And yet, the physical pain I endured for so long doesn’t compare to the anguish I feel for you now—the dream of you and me, merely just that: lost forever in a distant hope-filled ache.

Today, I am grieving you. Yesterday I grieved you, as well, and tomorrow I expect the same. I would do anything for you to have felt my touch as I wrapped you in a hug or kissed the velvety skin on your forehead. I’m trying to make sense of why we couldn’t be together, but how can any of this make sense?

They say that time will heal this brokenness, that someday the grief will be less than it is now; but I fear that more than I fear my own broken heart and the tears that stream at a moment’s notice. Because for me to feel less grief means I’ve let go, I gave up. And I can’t bear to let go of you yet, even though I know the chance for us to be together is no more.

Just yesterday, you seemed so tangible. Is it strange that I can still feel you when I rest my hand upon my womb? And yet, there is no more womb, and you were never even there. Somehow, I’m supposed to make peace with this, to not feel guilt or shame; to accept, in a sense, losing a child.

To my sweet Klara and Haven; to Isla and Crew; or perhaps my three bohemian babes—Mommy is sorry. The truth is, I’ve always loved you and will love you for the rest of my life. The choice I faced was heart-wrenching—a gutting sacrifice that now forever keeps us apart.

However, despite my resistance, for as much as it pains me, someday I will be able to let go of you just enough so that I may love another’s baby as intensely. And they will be mine just as much as you are.

But I want you to know that you will always stay with me, a constant reminder of the loving mother I was meant to be; the mother you made me want to become in the first place.

Ursula Le Guin’s, The Ones Who Walk Way From Omelas, is a work that depicts suffering through the disturbing images of the universal figure illustrated as the “it” child: “It is so thin there are no calves to its legs; its belly protrudes…it is naked. Its buttocks and thighs are a mass of festered sores as it sits in its own excrement continually” (Le Guin 3). While all of the story’s other elements can be used to comprehend the story’s ideas, none can be used more effectively than the story’s thematization of illusion to elucidate the stories’ lack of fundamental ethical principles. It is through the author’s use of illusion, dehumanization of the “it” child, and city’s capitalistic behaviors that calls on the reader to mull over Le Guin's central themes of illusion to assert the issues of morality illustrated in an unbalanced celestial city that does not consider the source of their happiness.

Le Guin details a world that is rather extraordinary as there is no death or pain and everyone seems content with themselves citing the city at first to be “joyous” and filled with “bright air” (Le Guin 1). But it is within this same context that Le Guin exposes the illusion of this euphoriant world that sets the tone for the cities moral code by slowly introducing to its readers the cities acceptance of their evils:

“They all know that it has to be there. Some of them understand why, and some do not, but they all understand that their happiness, the beauty of their city, the tenderness of their relationships, the health of their children, the wisdom of their scholars, the skill of their makers, even the abundance of their harvest and the kindly weathers of their skies, depend wholly on this child’s abominable misery” (Le Guin 3).

Following the description of the charming city of Omelas in the first half of the story, Le Guin ventures towards the awareness of illusions by asking its readers a direct question, “Do you believe? Do you accept the festival, the city, the joy? No? Then let me describe one more thing” (Le Guin 3). Le Guin underscores the notion of the city’s happiness as an illusion, based on the “just discrimination” that refers to the “it” child hidden away in solitude (hidden as, away from the public’s view, but not hidden in the sense that it is kept secret—the public is well aware that “it” exists) (Le Guin 2). The illusion is concentrated on one human being’s suffering, a human that is very much present in the city’s existence but remains hidden to make the perception of happiness real to them erasing any sense of self-reproach as further suggested in this line, “One thing I know there is none of in Omelas is the sense of guilt (Le Guin 2).

Dehumanizing our central figure heightens the story’s emphasis on the unreality, an illusion that reinforces the imbalance of Omelas favoring the city’s greater population while dishonoring the “it” figure, “—sometimes the door rattles terribly and opens, and a person, or several people, are there. One of them may come and kick the child to make it stand up” (Le Guin 3). This attains to Le Guin’s usage of illusion as its central theme by depicting the child to be something of “other” or “unlike them,” to further illustrate Omelas’ unethical plateau. The child referred to as an object, an “it,” dehumanizes the figure and announces that the community is neither shocked or surprised to acknowledge their own affiliation to the figure. Interestingly enough, the identity of the “it” child is also marred by the narration, “In the room a child is sitting. It could be a boy or a girl. It looks about six, but actually is nearly ten’ (Le Guin 3). In this way, Le Guin’s theme of illusion is actively demonstrated by the oppressed and undefined identity of this “it” child.

As a consequence, the city demonstrates a capitalistic nature by accepting the existence of the “it child” as Omelas admits the child’s suffering is responsible for “the nobility of their architecture and the poignancy of their music,” as a thing that must be permanently maintained (Le Guin 4). Many of us live in a society where cheaper goods are available to us at the expense of an exploited employee working in a country where the corruption or misuse of labor allows for such luxuries are made for the comfort of others, for us. The idea of exploitation is mirrored here; in order for Omelas to remain successful in its euphoric state, there must be an opposing contrast of exploitation, in this case, the “it” child as justification. The idea of a slave-like figure, being that of the “it” child also contends to the notion of Omelas as capitalist. But, Le Guin presents Omelas as a utopia, “like a city in a fairy tale” to later contrast the illusion behind it (Le Guin 2). The sense of freedom remains a false sense of illusion, bound by the consumerists of Omelas. Le Guin’s work reveals that everyone’s happiness in Omelas depends on the abuse and mistreatment of a child, thus emphasizing the capitalist nature of the city and how it’s role in attaining its fantasy world relies on the degeneration of one child. Most know the child is there and choose to remain part of the exploitation in order to salvage their own children from the same miseries as the ones they witness upon the “it.”

There are, however, a few secondary characters mentioned that do in fact choose to leave the city once they have encountered the “it” child. We can assume that these are the few who realize a disturbing epiphany; a certain loss of innocence that is stronger than the illusion in which they have existed in. Perhaps Le Guin is attempting to explain that, because we know suffering exists, we ought to take part in our own happiness for existence itself is suffering. In other words, we must participate in the great lie. Because in the end as Le Guin wrote it, “happiness is based on a just discrimination of what is necessary, what is neither necessary nor destructive, and what is destructive…those are the terms” (2, 4).

Works Cited

Le Guin, Ursula K. The Wind’s Twelve Quarters : Short Stories . 1st Perennial Library edition., Perennial Library, 1987.

Purity culture really messed me up. It had me thinking that I was responsible for the actions of others, and made me think that if I weren't modest enough that I could be the stepping stone to someone else's soul heading in the direction of sinning. It taught me that my body was a weapon, and that I had to toe the line to make sure I stayed pure for my future husband.

Purity culture is just rape culture light.

It puts all the blame on the victims rather than forcing the abuser to take accountability for what they did. It forces the victim to blame themselves, and it makes them think that it's their fault and not the fault of their abuser.

It is a harmful narrative, and it is part of the reason that I left the church.

Because religion can be really toxic, and church was never a place where I felt safe. I always felt like I was going to be judged or hated if I couldn't fit in with everyone else. It made me feel awkward and as if I would never be good enough to earn God's love, that I would never be pure enough for my future husband or good enough Christian.

Purity culture made me hate myself because it put an unnecessary amount of pressure on me, and an absurd amount of obsession with my virginity. It viewed me as a conquest, it viewed me as an object of a man's pleasure. Just like rape culture, it didn't see me as a fully functioning human being with thoughts, dreams, pleasures, and ambitions of my own. It saw me as only a wife, mother, broodmare, and the object of desire for a hypothetical husband one day that I would have to please.

There's nothing wrong with waiting until marriage for sex if this is something that you want to do. But it's also not unnatural for people to want to explore and know what their likes and dislikes are before they're married. I think people should be able to make a right to choose what path in life is right for them rather than be forced to live their lives in a way that stifles or doesn't benefit them.

It's okay if you want to live your life by your religion's rules. What's not okay is trying to force people to live by your rules or your religion if they're not interested.

I also think it's time to explore purity culture and just how damaging it can be to women of all ages.

Jesus did say if a man's eyes caused him to lust that he should pluck them out. So instead of constantly preaching modesty and modesty culture to women, you should also address the young men and men of the church and hold them accountable for their inappropriate behavior.

It is never a victim's fault that they were assaulted regardless of what they were wearing or doing. Purity culture did me more harm than good.

When you think about yourself don't you wish if people in your life treated you with more compassion? If your spouse understood your struggles and didn't complain all the time, your boss didn't set unrealistic targets for you, if your colleagues were more cooperative wouldn't life have been easier?

When we reflect on our lives we feel we are misunderstood by others and often not treated by others the way we deserve to be treated. But how often do we realize the same applies to other people as well! They too expect from us the same. They also seek a little bit of compassion from us.

The biggest tragedy in life is not that people have to fight their battles alone. The biggest tragedy is everyone thinks they are the only one who has problems in life.

You want to be understood but how often do you understand others?

In the trying times that we are all in, let's be more compassionate. You might say it won't solve any problem of the world but trust me, it would stop creating further problems.

Now, what do I mean by being more compassionate? Certainly, you are not expected to change into an angelic form! Stay the human you are, only show your human qualities. Often. More frequently than you can show.

One of the best ways to show kindness to others is by keeping your calm. Now, this is a BIG one. I agree. But I am sure you can get there with practice.

Even when someone says something nasty don't be tempted to react immediately. I know it's difficult when someone says something harsh. It acts as a trigger and we respond instantly and more harshly that we repent later on!

But you do not know what the other person is going through. They could be having an ailment or heartbreak, a crisis or loss.

Earlier I would react fast. Now, I don't. To become more calm you don't have to practice meditation. (Although it most certainly helps!) You can keep your calm if you consciously choose to not react immediately.

Give a few minutes gap before opening your mouth to respond. This gives your brain some time to process the whole thing.

Next time you find someone ready for a fight, don't be tempted. I know it's easier said than done but you have to practice this. In your mind count - 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 before making a response.

Ultimately, everything in your life is a choice. You can choose today to stop reacting to others. You can choose to walk away from a situation than stay there and fight! You can choose kindness for yourself and others.

The world needs to heal, so do we. Kindness is free but it never goes out of fashion! You can make your own reasons to be more kind. Just shower a little compassion everywhere you go. You will never have to repent, I promise!

Dating can be a super frustrating experience. It can be a nightmare in fact, especially if you’ve been hanging with a guy for some time now and you feel you want more commitment out of him than what he’s putting in.

You spend time with this guy more, telling your friends and family about him, and wanting to do things for him, yet whenever the conversation about what the next steps are, he seems to be avoidant.

In fact, in your head, you even call yourself his ‘girlfriend’ yet. Reality checks in when all of your friends are asking why aren’t you guys official yet. He tells you he doesn’t want a relationship, however his actions show otherwise. He enjoys keeping you around just because.

Sometimes it feels like he keeps stringing you along, but why does it feel so frustrating? You wonder why does he keep you around if he doesn’t t want a relationship..

Here are 9 reasons this happens:

1. It’s convenient for him.

Sure, you might think the guy is into you if he’s taking you out and spending all this time with you, yet why does it seem like they don’t want to introduce you to his friends or make things more official?

Well, maybe because things are easy for him — No matter what happens or what he does, he knows you’re still going to be around.

After all, why fix what’s not broken? With this guy, you’re the one who is always starting and making things happen. Therefore, since he doesn’t have to make any effort, why would he ever want to change things?

2.He’s lonely

It’s not that he doesn’t want a relationship, but he just wants to have someone around.

It may be hard to hear, but it could just be that he enjoys having a girl around for when he needs someone — whether that means sex or companionship — and there isn’t anything wrong with that.

However, if you’re not okay with the idea that he’s keeping you just because he doesn’t want to be alone without giving you the commitment you want, then you should always set your standards high and walk away if you do not feel comfortable with what’s happening.

Make it clear from the beginning what type of relationship you want and if things don’t work out, be upfront about why so you can both move on.

3. He’s insecure

No matter why this is happening in your relationship, know that if someone does not feel confident enough to commit to you, then they are not worth having around.

You can be involved with someone who is emotionally unavailable, but why would you subject yourself to the emotional rollercoaster that will ensue?

With this guy, you end up always asking why he does he keep you around when he doesn’t want a relationship. Since his actions don’t match what he says, it might seem like you are walking on eggshells.

4. He’s Thinking about Someone Else or Keeping his options Open

It may not be that he doesn’t want a relationship, he may just not want one with you. Why? Because he’s already got one in his head. He’s thinking about another girl and he doesn’t want to hurt you by letting you know. Or he’s thinking about the options he can find outside of you.

This may be why he keeps you around when he doesn’t want a relationship. Then why would you want to be in a relationship where your partner has already had their foot in the door from the beginning?

It doesn’t matter why this is happening, but if he has his mind elsewhere, then there’s nothing for you.

5. You’re a distraction.

Whether he has nothing to do, feels overwhelm or wants to think about something else other than things going on in his life, he comes to you. Why? because he doesn’t want to be bored.

And why does he keep you around when he doesn’t want a relationship? Because you are his escape. You deserve better than someone that texts you at 2am to hang out just because he needs a brief distraction.

6. It might be too early.

He may feel pressured or doesn’t know what he wants yet. If you guys are still getting to know each other, it’s good to be patient.

However, if you’ve been seeing him for a while and nothing is happening or he keeps hinting at why he can’t give you more than what’s he’s giving, why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t know what they want? Set your boundaries and don’t let him waste your time.

7. He’s been hurt before.

It’s not impossible to hear that someone has hurt him before. In fact, it’s very possible, and that’s why he keeps you around if he doesn’t want a relationship. Men aren’t very vocal with their feelings, so he might not know why he keeps you around when he won’t commit.

But just because something tragic happened to him, it doesn’t mean that he gets to use his past as an excuse. Why would you want to put your life on hold for someone who does not know what they’re doing with their own life?

8. He enjoys taking advantage of you 

If you’re always paying for things whenever you guys hang out, making plans or starting the conversation, then why would you continue to date someone who’s using you?

Don’t let him think your feelings are always available for his enjoyment, because once he realizes how much he can get away with not committing, things will become more difficult than they were when you first started talking.

9. He likes to sleep with you.

Do not give him girlfriend benefits at “friend” prices.

If he keeps you around because he enjoys sleeping with you, then why would you want to be involved in something that’s purely physical?

Establish those boundaries with him from the beginning. A guy that will respect them is a guy worth waiting for.

However, a guy that will keep you around for a cheap hookup is a player. Move on. If you're still struggling to get your head around this, here are some signs he does not want a relationship with you.

Things You Can Do To Avoid this From Happening

If you’re wondering why the guy you’re talking to keeps you around if he doesn’t want a relationship, then why would you want to be with someone who has no interest in giving you what you need?

Even if he doesn’t want a commitment, why settle for anything less than what you deserve?

Here are the things you should do if you feel this is what’s happening.

1. Keep your options open.

You don’t have to date around, but why not look for someone who deserves you?

Don’t be afraid to move on if necessary.

Not everyone is going to be the one that you’ll spend the rest of your life with. You deserve better than someone who is just using you for entertainment when he does not know what he wants from his own life.

You have a lot to offer, so don’t settle for anyone less than what you deserve.

2. Respect yourself and your boundaries.

When you learn how to establish boundaries within yourself, you’ll find yourself a lot happier. Not everyone is worth your time.

I don’t know what your dating life looks like, but remember, you are not alone. There are millions of women out there who want to find their best friend, the love of their life, truly compatible with them, who will give you the bare minimum of things you are asking for.

3. Work on Yourself.

I know it’s easier said than done, but you don’t want to spend your time with someone who isn’t willing to give you what you need. So stop focusing on giving him what he wants and start working on yourself.

Work on your own happiness and success because that will make it a lot easier for you to find someone that’s truly compatible with you.

Whether it’s going to the gym or making career changes, remember you have a busy life and the only person that should be a priority is yourself.

Remember to love yourself before you can expect anyone else to do so. Date Yourself.

 4. Do not Let him Impede The Goals you have in Mind. 

If this guy who is keeping you around but doesn’t want a relationship and is affecting you in ANY way, shape or form, RUN.

When you feel like the doesn’t deserve you, say bye and don’t look back.

This is the most important step you should take if you want to stop him from wasting your time.

Do not give him the power over how you feel and what you’re thinking. If he sucks, then baby gets rid of his ass.

Bottom Line

Do not settle for less.

Actions speak louder than words and if he doesn’t want to commit, then it’s time for you to take your life back and stop allowing him to impede your plans.

You’re better than this.

Mourning after breakups and learning how to move on from your ex is normal, and everyone has gone through it at least once in their lifetime. We are all familiar with the awkward phase of life it brings— the complexities we suffer, the anxiety and depression that tag along. 

Despite every awful feeling that we go through, deep down, we all know it's for the best.

Still, some questions leave us wondering, 

• "Why is it only me?"
• "Where did I go wrong?"

While moving on from your ex is tough, you need to calm down and give it a rhythm to get yourself back. 

Of course, it's not going to be effortless; moving on will demand your whole endeavor and mental strength, but don’t ever forget why it ended. Sometimes, relationships take so much from us without returning anything. The amount of tears you shed demonstrates the kind of relationship you were in. So, stop romanticizing it for the sake of attachment.

As they say, “constant mental stress in a relationship is inversely proportional to genuine love”. If you have been hurt more than you can count, it's time that you move on from your ex! 

The 'HOW TO ?' still haunts people because nobody truly has an answer. 

It's easy to say 'move on from your ex and live your life,' but harder to move past the unbearring pain. Being a victim myself— moving on from an ex was difficult, but self-love does magic. Today, I'll share every dos and don'ts you should follow to move on properly! 

Why is moving on from your ex so difficult?

Relationships are just like spring seasons— everything feels cheerful, happy, and full of life, which can boost your living.

Love and being loved is probably the most intoxicating feeling humans go through, and it makes us feel giddy with a stomach full of butterflies. In a new relationship, the dopamine is so high that we never want to lose it! 

• All your instincts start tuning in new beats.
• You notice yourself evolving. 
• The mental and emotional support you receive from your partner makes you believe that you can cross every boundary and achieve the impossible, too. 
• The fever of love at the start can overwhelm every single thing.
• You see butterflies, rainbows, and unicorns. 
• Things feel out of the world— something you have never experienced before! 
• All you see is that one person you have started falling for.

It truly is a blissful phase of life— to love and be loved. However, some relationships go down the hill sooner or later, and toxicity and boundations replace what once was love and freedom. 

It's even more difficult when you end a long relationship— the years of attachment are difficult to salvage. 

A toxic relationship can give you trauma that isn't easy to dim out from mentally. To lessen the pain, some individuals start looking for temporary fixes— 

• anxiety pills for sleep, 
• drugs to get high

While temporary fixes can help you pass a few dimmed days— the pain will remain unhealed. 

"Pain demands to be felt." You can not overcome the pain until you completely accept it. 

Breakups are no less than autumn; everything falls apart, and the inner gut feels shattered— nobody wants that.

• You start waking up anxious and wonder how to make it till the end of the day.
• you are scared of yourself and your haunting feelings.

This is the Universe's call to inform you that you need to get yourself together and boost your life. 

What's even more challenging is to confess our feelings to the outer world. If it's difficult to speak out loud, write the attributes of your lost relationship— the good and the bad. 

• Talk to your friends if you cannot confide in your family.
• If friends aren't the answer for you, professional help and therapy sessions are always there to cry your heart out.

Here are some dos and don'ts you need to follow to get your hype together, move on from your ex, and bounce back with an even brighter and more sparkling version of you.

Things you shouldn't have to do in your healing process

Instead of being in denial that the relationship is indeed over, accept the reality. It's basic human nature to get attached and feel emotions. When you find it difficult to move on from your ex, congratulate yourself for being honest. 

1. Don't drag yourself into anxious thoughts. 

Healing yourself is not an act of your daily routine— nobody teaches us how to heal and love ourselves properly. 

I can understand the suffering you are going through— sometimes, you might feel better about yourself and think about nature's goodness. 

However, the gloomy feeling doesn't leave you at rest. The next minute, you find yourself lying in bed with regrets, anxieties, and sadness.

Ending a relationship and learning how to move on from your ex will give you the natural feeling of agony, but it doesn't mean you have to drag yourself back to all those things that drained your mental peace, held you back, and chained you into boundaries. 

Hold yourself together, let the pain go through you, and make this work in your favor. Ask yourself if this relationship genuinely made you happy, free, and feel loved? If not, it's best to leave it in the past and work on your improvements.

Instead of focusing on the past and 'what-ifs,' focus on yourself. Life's not all about partners— it's time that you love all the components of your life without partiality.

2. Stop comparing your past life with your ongoing relationship. 

Put a stop to unnatural couple goals that have nothing to do with your healing process; you are simply giving yourself peer pressure of getting loved in the wrong direction. 

Comparing your singlehood with other's romantic relationships isn't good either. Singlehood has its own charm. Embrace yourself in solitude until you find the right match. 

Investing time for new hobbies and reading self-help books is better than roaming around with someone who doesn't match your vibe. 

Balancing between what looks nice to you and what's exactly right for you is essential. Therefore, getting your heart's broken pieces together is already a big thing to deal with. 

Putting yourself down with false expectations and assumptions of 'what if' will continually worsen your situation. No, stop doing this to you.

3. Avoid your inner critics

Negative self-talk can mentally drain a person, and criticism is very common in individuals who cannot balance their emotions in such times. 

They have a deep impact, so you should prevent yourself from negative criticism such as:

•  "I am not good enough."
• "Where did I go wrong?"
• "I may not be beautiful or deserving enough."
• "I should change myself for him or her"
• "Am I not worthy of anyone's love?"

These are some voices of low self-esteem that you start indulging in after breakups. Focus on yourself, fight with your inner demons and trust your instincts of reinventing life. Learning how to move on from an ex will do wonders once you see the beautiful life you have in front of you.

4. Chase will never let you rephrase 

Chasing love is not good. Sometimes, we get so broken deep inside that we start desiring love from every person we meet— we start letting ourselves down to escape loneliness.

Before searching for love in others, find love for yourself within yourself because nobody can love you the way YOU can. So, practice self-love.

Setting boundaries for yourself is essential. If needed, make a list of characteristics you have always wanted to be in your partner. 

• Analyze where it all went wrong with your ex. 
• What are the things you hated earlier?

The following relationship you will jump into will always be too fast if you have not properly moved on from your ex. So, move on entirely before you go ahead and indulge with someone else. 

5. Drop the feeling of remorse, free yourself from cages.

None of us ever want to hear that 'the love of our life has left us.' However, there always comes an opportunity to be true to yourself after a harsh breakup. 

In a relationship, there are always some hidden sacrifices we make. Those hidden adjustments make us pay a cost we don't even realize. 

We never notice how we mold ourselves to fit in with our partners, we agree to their demands, and changes like our choices don't matter. 

Another example is We behave in the way they wanted us to act. Lastly, We start making our own habits of their taste. 

Be glad that you get this moment to finally move on from those restrictions and unwanted demands. After a breakup, you can be whatever you always wanted to be and do what you always wanted to do. 

Make new friends, meet new people, go on random dates. Dating a random guy or a girl will make you realize it was just a part of your life that has changed, not your whole life. Open up to new exposures.

6. Stop expecting to be a friend 

A Greek philosopher once said, "you can't unlove someone you once truly loved."

Sometimes, to hold onto the remaining bits of your broken relationship— people propose being 'friends after the breakup.' While this can be done in a healthy breakup, it will completely destroy you in case of a bad breakup or leftover feelings.

Getting the shredded petals of a beautiful flower together is not possible, right? Just like that, 

• your relationship might be lovey-dovey once, but now it's over.
• You two might have had a strong connection earlier, but you need to accept that it isn't in the present anymore. 

It's tough to form a new bond with old memories of love. It will be easier for you to cut off entirely and start bonding with new ones who are actually positive in your life.

7. Don't rush; grip slow-moving affections.

After rising up from a disastrous affair, it's a little bit challenging to get into another. 

It gets scary to trust someone new again and open up after being ditched, but the critical factor is giving yourself a second chance. 

The warmth of getting close to someone new is exciting, but it can give you a flashback of what you were running away from. The attention from an unknown person can make you doubt yourself for a while, but dancing to new tunes may erase your painful memories from the past.

Get the best out of this new relationship, try to explore new adventures, and increase familiarity with each other's company. Don't rush to conclusions and judge your new relationship. Instead, let it flow leisurely.

8. Clear your clutter, be genuine to yourself

I think the hardest thing about this healing journey is reminding yourself that it's okay to be mending your emotions again and again. Please remind yourself that time softens the wounds and makes us stronger. It is a one-way journey to understand your waving feelings inside and clean your clutter.

• Block that person, delete that number; they hurt you, and you don't want such toxicity in your life.

Go away from being a perfect person, stop trying to stand on others' expectations, rejoice in the goodness of who you indeed are. 

It all comes down to admiring your heart, paying attention to your gut feeling, and asking whether you want to change the pitch or leave the field. Move away from your fears and function on what works best for you.

9. Don't compare your journey.

Everyone has their own time to bloom— sometimes, watching our ex-partner win early makes us feel inferior about our goals. 

Don't mix up things with false assumptions; not everything they show is transparent. You should trust your gut and work on your lane; comparing will draw off your spirit. Be healthy with your choices.

10. Don't fill your social media with gloomy content. 

Stop posting negative stories on your social media accounts with phantom hopes of getting back with your ex. Will posting sad quotes get your ex back? No!

They don't want you, and honestly, you don't want their pity either. You should have a relationship that worships you, loves you to depth, and respects you. Don't settle for anything less!

Remember, if they cared, if they really wanted to make things work with you— they wouldn't have left you in confusion. I would suggest pausing social media for a stint.

Glimpses of what you need to focus on that will surely work.

You need to activate your subconscious mind and think beyond. Highlight your fears out and process the choices that force you to level up; it's a season of change and the latest you. Motivate yourself to move on from your ex and to love yourself before everyone. 

1. Isolate yourself, vibe alone for a while

Feel the pain and grow, love yourself a little more now, and don't forget you have yourself through all this. 

Running away from the situation won't set you in mental peace. However, reading self-help books and spending time with family will always help you get out of those hellish memories. 

Isolations have been proven best for the sake of physical and mental health. Spending time alone will build up a stronger and better vision of looking at life.

It's necessary to work upon yourself in this alone time. You don't want to sit and cry for the gone past. No, instead, think about yourself and work on your growth. Meditate, do yoga, dance, sing, or do whatever you want, but don't yearn! 

2. Let yourself have an outlook of the world. 

The world is yours once you open up to your true self— what you manifest is what you receive. So, be confident while you look at the world and tell hundreds of your dreams. 

You will find everything returning to your path like you always wanted it to be. 

Once you get it all sorted out inside you, everything will evolve, learn, growl, and work; it will all get magical for you— you simply need to trust yourself enough.

Tune in for everything that makes your heart dance and your soul smile. Look around; everything is kind and nicer.

3. Never force yourself for anything. 

It's okay to feel your emotions; this is just a part of your healing journey. Don't rush anything too quick. 

Embrace the change instead of forcing a situation you are not ready for. Forcing also includes expecting— every time you expect something from someone, you are taking yourself down. 

Don't force anyone to make time for you, make you feel love, instead be the person for yourself. 

• Distract yourself from attached memories 
• Leave the mark behind and stop stalking your ex.
• Stop being curious about what's his next move,
• what is the posting, 
• Or if he moved on.

These questions will drag you back to the same place and give you jealousy and regrets. You might make stupid moves in a hurry that are not good for your sake. Don't let your past control your post-breakup moments. This time is all about you and your growth.

4. Get into some socially enjoyable activities. 

You have been carrying a heavy heart for a long time now— trust me, you should release your heart out to someone you are comfortable with. 

Confess your emotions with people you trust, your siblings, friends, and family. Join your mommy with her kitty party, accompany your father in his gathering, and meet your brother at the game.

Get into things you never did before to be a part of this forever-changing life. 

5. Practice detachment for a while

Detachment is an enlightening and spiritual fruit. You love, but you don't hold it back— that's detachment in its truest form of love. For instance, you admire a river's beauty, but you don't cease it— you let it flow and complete the journey.

Just like that, love without boundaries and let go when it's time. Practicing detachment allows you to enjoy the moments without grasping the future. 

The feeling of not being involved in anything personally is exceptionally blissful. Don't react to things that disturb your mental peace.

The best way to be at peace while detaching mentally is to avoid people who provoke you to lose your patience.

Detaching also involves not stalking your ex— it's good if you manifest days without painful reminiscing. Stop checking on them; you have your own life to bloom. 

Practicing detachment will safeguard your energy.

6. Boost your vacant mind

Void thoughts will permanently activate your demons— so fill your vacant mind with some productive activities.

• Lifting weights will keep you in good shape and away from toxicity.
• Meditation is the supreme way to control your mind.
• Outdoor activities are a fun way to cherish.
• Try complimenting people's virtue.
• Accomplish your dreams and work on them with passion. 
• Date yourself before you start dating others. 

7. Take off the deadline.

There's no specific time or number of days to get over a breakup— so take your time! Unnecessary pressure on yourself will only slow down your journey.

Erase the societal norms and deadlines in your head and make your own new rules.

One way to accelerate your healing process is to go through what's hurting and face your fearful doubts. You can't simply make them disappear, so, Walkthrough all to know it all. 

8. Loving yourself a little extra is the key.

Self-love has its dimensions— physically, mentally, spiritually, and financially. 

• Pamper your skin, 
• give yourself all those outfits on your wishlist. 
• Plan trips with your gang to bring the old hype.
• Listen to bashing music and hit the dance floor like nobody's watching.
• Finance yourself through the job you love.

Loving yourself a little extra will reinvent you.

9. Be careful; intimacy might be an alarm of loneliness. 

Intimacy is another form of self-love. Celebrating your singlehood by hooking up with your crush or who likes you will release massive dopamine in your brain, but those are only temporary solutions. 

Don't indulge in hookups that you will regret later. Don't do this to yourself or the other person. 

Rejoice in the possibilities of the moment you have for yourself and only get close to people when you find a genuine connection and not because you were sad/lonely.

10. Trust the Universe, live peacefully.

I firmly believe in the Universe's unfolding— Universe has its own ways for you.

If something better didn't work out in your favor, there must be something best planned for you; you merely need to have faith in the timing of the Universe. 

However, a drop of water can't define the depth of the ocean. Just like that, an anxious mind can't produce positive life perspectives. Live and accept peacefully, and all your agony is going to be worth it in the end.

11. Decorate a life full of gratitude 

• Appreciate your blessings.
• Be Thankful for what you have now— your parents, supportive friends, a shelter, and good food.

You will never be okay with giving surprises to someone who doesn't appreciate your efforts, right? The same goes for life— it will provide you with opportunities to grow only when you are gutsy enough to conquer and grateful enough for the present. 

Shift your vision to embrace the fortune of the present and coming future rather than sitting and crying for what can't be changed.

"What do you think about a pineapple pizza?

"Do you think cereal is a soup?"

When you are in a relationship, it is normal to talk about the super random things. It also normal to think about a list of questions to ask your partner, because they can be as weird or as serious as you'd want them to be. It is a way for you guys to get to know each other in every level. In fact, initiating weird conversation will increase the livelihood in your relationship. 

"Do you think I'd look 'fine as hell' if I wore a shark costume?'

It's just an example of how your boring dates and discussion can turn into fun and fantastic moments.

Whether you are a happily married couple, live-in love birds, or new to a relationship, the chit chat/questionnaires is what makes your relationship more cheerful.

Having a conversation can help you understand your partner better and, that's not all, healthy & fun questions also assists a strong foundation of a relationship. 

If you are a newbie, carrying this joyful questionnaire will help you understand the potential of your future with them. 

There are times when we want to talk to our partner, but don't know how to initiate. Similarly, sometimes, we simply don't know how to make our conversations interesting— awkward silence takes space and we are lost completely. At times like these, asking interesting questions will bring the spark back in your relationship. 

Here are some of the most interesting questions to ask your partner that work best as a silence breaker— you will learn more about their childhood's desires, recent bucket-list activities, intimacy choices, and fantasies. 

You'll receive a little more spark of intimacy with a lot of fun in this lively discussion.

Fun Questions To Ask Your partner.

Here are some of the most quirky questions that can help you to know the notorious/silly side of your partner: It also keeps the teasing and flirting alive in a relationship.

1. Okay, hear me out— Isn't it awkward when people sing happy birthday to you? What do you do when people sing "Happy Birthday" for you?

Like seriously, because I am a grown-up, I still don't know what to do? Either join them by clapping or stare at the blowing candle, lol! Well! 

It tells how confident or social your partner actually is.

2. If you want to be a superhero or get any superpower, what would it be?

3. What is that one thing— that you wanted a lifetime supply of?

You may know the answer to this, but maybe there are more things too. It probably helps you understand what gift to give to your partner on anniversaries, birthdays, or otherwise.

4. What would you choose— bungee jumping or a deep-sea dive?

5. Have you ever cried in a movie? If yes, then on which?

My girlfriend often pulls my cheek while remembering the time I cried a lot in the Avengers-Endgame, and I find it cute. Apart from that, it tells us about the emotional state of our partner. 

6. Who would it be if you got a chance to date one celebrity?

7. What is the strangest thing you think you are a master of?

I just know this could be fun, right! For myself, I tried to touch the elbow through my tongue, and I did it. Lol!

8. Were you restricted from school or college? If yes, then what was the badass thing you did?

9. What is the silliest thing you've ever done?

This question always gives a loud giggle whenever asked. My friend unpinned the fire extinguisher and used it a bit to show his bravery in front of his crush. And I— well, I believed that my school crush was the last love of my life. Dumbo!

10. If you are stuck on an island, what are the five essential things you want to have?

Romantic Question To Know Your Partner Better

Fun questions can be asked even when you are on your first date. But being with someone for a little or long is something different— you may neglect or avoid deep conversations, but knowing your partner's desires or expectations can work as a panacea. Here, I have narrowed down personal and romantic questions.

11. What is the most beautiful time we remember of ourselves?

It is a sentimental question, as it brings joy and memories. This question tells what your boyfriend/girlfriend loves about you and the time spent with you. It will help you to plan another date to recreate that very moment. 

12. What is your ideal way to solve things when we disagree on something?

13. Is insecurity a thing between us?

Hmm! A little insecurity is good in relationships, and it encourages us to do things for our partners that feel special. However, talking about your insecurities (in a relationship) will make you more comfortable with your partner, and it will help you unfold your bothersome emotions.

14. If you wanted to change one thing in me or any advice, what would it be?

15. What is the one thing you appreciate me doing for you?

Although you might have a little clue about the answer to this, it's still better to hear it out loud. If you dig a little deeper, you will indeed find a wide smile along with the response from your partner. 

16. What is the best part of your day with me?

17. If you had a time machine, what is the thing you'd change, or which time would you relive?

Get ready yourself to witness some funny answers. It can unleash the desire or the things they are regretful about. Who knows? Well, now you will probably do!

18. A song that explains "The US" or our relationship?”

19. What is the one thing you adore about me?

Everyone wants to hear praises about themselves, especially from their partner. The answer to this question tends to provide an idea of what your partner likes about you. You can use this to your advantage when they are a little irritated, haha!

20. Have you ever wanted to undo this relationship?

Intimacy plays a very vital role in a healthy relationship. The spark of emotional attachment stabilizes a "forever bond" between you and your partner. This question helps the long known couples and allows newbies to figure out their partners.

21. What is your definition of "great sex"?

This question tells you about your partner’s need or desire, and it also lets you know the kind of sex that pleasures them the most. This question will greatly help you pleasure and satisfy your partner. 

People are often uncomfortable sharing their fantasies, so make them comfortable enough to share their desires with you. If your partner has a sex fetish for using food during sex, welcome them! Make sure you talk about sex and its parameters freely with your partner.

22. Do you think you are kinky and want to try something new and wild in bed?

23. What is that one fantasy you wanted to try?

Having fantasies between partners is crucial, and it drives more attention, fondness, and spark in the relationship. Trying and discussing fantasies is an essential step. 

24. What is your preferred favorite time for making love?

25. What is your most intimate spot? 

Having excellent foreplay increases intimacy between partners— provoking the release of love hormones and thus builds affection between both.

26. Are you interested in toys?

27. Which is your favorite category of porn?

Sometimes our partners don't open up about their desire, so learning about their favorite porn category can give you an idea. 

28. If you wanted to have a chance to have sex other than the bedroom, which places would it be?

29. What do you think about BDSM? Do you prefer domination or submission in bed?

Discussing whether your partner likes rough or gentle sex can bring more coziness in your private times. Knowing their nature on beds leads to a fantastic drive for both of you.

30. Did you prefer to have eye contact during sex, and what other positions do you want to try?

Personal Questions To Ask Your Partner

Not only the intimacy but knowing about your partner's childhood or what they are expecting or planning for the future is also a crucial thing.

31. Where were you born, and what's your favorite childhood memory?

It is a general question, but knowing your partner can't be less exciting. Also, asking about the childhood memory, they wanted to relive might help you understand your partner's type of interest.

32. Who do you admire the most, and what is your favorite subject as a child?

33. What are your plans after retirement?

Discussing this can help you figure out how to spend your future happiness together. Effectively you can make plans and work accordingly.

34. What is that one dream job or business you wanted to do or are planning to do?

35. Did you have any fear while being a child, and how did you cope?

Being a child, we all are afraid of some things. How they endured these fears tells a lot about your partner. Or, this will at least let you know how you can direct a prank on them and what to avoid. 

36. Whom were you close to as a child, mom or dad? Are they strict?

37. Did you have anything in your mind about our dream home? How do you want to manage the bills and expenses in the future?

It could be fun to dream about what your future home would look like. Also, talking about some severe responsibilities helps cope with future conflicts and worries.

38. What is your dream vacation? How many kids do you want?

39. Who did you want to be as a child?

About 65% of my class wanted to be pilots, and I wanted to be a Red Power Ranger. Well, this might tell a buried desire of your partner.

40. What do you see yourself doing after ten years, or can I support your goals?

Serious Questions To Ask Your Partner

It's always a good idea to be aware of your partner's previous relationships so that we know what to avoid. 

It can also help them feel more empowered emotionally as you aid in preventing the things that can inflict pain on your partner. Conversation is the key to a long-term and happy relationship, so make sure you talk and let talk. 

41. What equation do you share with your ex right now?

It is a simple question to know whether your partner is in touch with their ex. 

42. Do you still miss your ex? 

43. What is the reason behind your previous breakup?

Understanding and discussing the reason can give you a brief idea of what you should avoid to save them from bad nostalgia.

44. Did you have any serious relationships before? If yes, then how many?

45. How long ago did you guys break up?

If you are newly married or in a relationship, knowing this can help you support them properly and allow them to release the negativity they are carrying within.

46. Are there any grudges you hold about any of your past relationships?

47. Is anything you find within me similar to your past partner that bothers you?

Sometimes, we tell or do things that have an opposite effect on our partner. It's best to know what they don't want to talk about to save your future happy moments.

48. Are there any grudges you wanted to tell your ex about?

49. Have you ever cheated on your ex, or did you catch them cheating on you?

The reason for this question isn't to make your partner embarrassed. But to know what drives them to do so. 

50. Which date do you consider your worst? Did your failed relationship change your perception of love or bond?

If you think you have already discussed some of these questions before, here are some bonus questions only for you! Don't let the fun die.

1. Can a relationship be restrained after cheating?
2. Do you judge people by their looks? What do you first notice in them?
3. What is your happiest moment? Is there any major setback that you remember?
4. Are you a party animal or a home person?
5. If you get a chance to guide your past self, what things do you focus on?
6. At what age did you lose your virginity? What do you think about bisexuality?
7. What type of person are you— optimistic/pessimistic, introvert/extrovert/ambivert?
8. Is there any non-physical activity of mine that arouses you? Is there anything more you want me to do in our love-making time?
9. Do you forgive easily, or do you believe in punishment?
10. If you find Aladdin's genie, what three wishes do you want him to fulfill?

I just want to say that dating is hard.

We’ve all been there, girl. You start dating someone and it's all going great. They're texting you right back, they're taking time to see you. He is the nicest guy in the world and he's really into you until one day…you are confused as to what’s going on.

"Does he like me?" and "Is he leading me on?," or maybe even: "Why won't he commit?!"

“What happened?”

“Did I do something wrong?”

“Maybe he does want a relationship with me but is too afraid to say so?”

Before you know it, he has let his actions do the talking, and now you don’t know what you are doing. You like the guy so much that you don’t have a clear vision of the signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you. Which is why you’re here.

If you have been seeing this guy for a while and you feel like things are moving slowly (or not at all), The title is pretty self-explanatory. If he does any of these things, then you might reconsider if you want him in your life.

1) He doesn’t remember the things you tell him

If he doesn't remember the things you say, then chances are that he's not that into you.  If someone really likes you, they will remember the little things or even the basic things (if he struggles with that too!)

Women will tell themselves "oh well I guess he just forgot" but if it happens multiple times, there is probably another reason for it other than forgetfulness (he just doesn’t care that much).

You should never feel like you’re constantly repeating yourself or like you’re not being paid attention to while talking.

2) You Can’t Count on Him

If the guy you have been talking to doesn't seem to lift a finger in times of need,  makes promises, and then breaks them without consideration or explanation and frustration starts taking over because he never follows through on his word..it may just mean that he has different priorities he wants to focus on.  

That may be work, other friends and family members, or something that sounds more important in which you are not included in.

If he does this once and appropriately apologizes, maybe give him the benefit of the doubt because we all make mistakes but if this has been going on for a while, tell him to step up his game.

If you have to tell a man twice how you've been feeling and he does it again, then he doesn't care enough to change.

3) They Don’t Initiate Contact As Much as You Do  

Do you find yourself having to ask him if everything is okay?

Do you feel like you're chasing after him?

If a guy isn't initiating contact as much as you are, rest assured that it means you probably aren't in his mind that much and only messages you out of convenience (like texting you only at 2am).

4) He claims he's too busy to hang out

When a guy likes someone, they will do everything in their power to make the time for you. If he says that he's too busy to hang out or doesn't seem like he has time for you, then there might be a reason for that.

If you live far away from him and it's harder for him to see you, then that is understandable but only if he's willing to make it work.

However, if you're close by and it still seems impossible, then go find someone who does put the time and energy into you.

You're not asking for a lot, you're asking for the bare minimum.

5) He doesn’t communicate clearly

Communication is key to a healthy relationship, but if the guy you're talking to disappears for days and then appears again they might not be interested in a serious commitment.

If you feel like you are constantly trying to figure out what he means when he talks, there's not much you can do on your end.

In a relationship, it’s important for both parties to be on the same page and have the same goals in mind. If one of you seems disinterested or too busy to communicate clearly, they don’t really want a relationship with you. 

6) He is disinterested in your life

If he’s not interested in your job, hobbies, family, friends, etc. then it’s a sign that he doesn't want a relationship with you. ESPECIALLY if he shows no interest in what your goals are for the future. 

He may enjoy being around you but if he seems uninterested in the things that define who you are as a person, then he probably doesn't care about getting to know another side of you.

7) He avoids relationship conversations

If he seems uninterested in discussing things like your relationship status, relationship goals, and how you feel then it's probably not going to happen.

A lot of men avoid confrontation by telling you what they think will make them look better. They'll say things like "It's too early to tell" or “We're taking things slow" That's just their way of covering up for something deeper--some unspoken fear.

If a guy doesn't seem interested in what you have to say about relationships or isn't clear on what he wants, he probably doesn't care about what is important to you.

You deserve better than a guy who's trying to figure out how he feels about you and just know he wants you in his life. 

8) He's dating multiple women at once

It's not uncommon for people in the dating scene to be seeing multiple people at once, but if you've been seeing this guy for a while now and you are still seeing he’s talking to multiple women it’s most likely not going to stop. 

Simply put, if he's seeing someone else while seeing you, then trust your gut--he doesn't want a relationship with YOU.

He may see you as a relationship or he might not, but if he's seeing other people then that means there is no room for exclusivity. There's no trust to be built to develop into something more serious.

9) He doesn't make long term plans with you

If you find it difficult to plan activities you would like to do together or feel like a burden when you bring up events you would like to go to together it’s time to be with someone who wants and will make those plans with you. 

10) He's distracted when you guys are together

If he's constantly looking at his phone, answering calls or texts from other people, or doesn't seem like he's too interested in what you're saying then it means that you're not the only one on his mind.

You should be with a guy who gives you his undivided attention when you guys are together.

If you feel like you're talking to yourself or feel like you're the one holding the conversation, it's one of the biggest signs he doesn't want a relationship with you.

11) He doesn't do thoughtful things for you

We all have off days where we seem a little nonchalant or even less attentive, but if every other day he seems like he doesn't care about you or what you're doing then take it as a sign he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you.

Remember that actions speak louder than words. There are so many ways a guy can show you he cares without putting in a lot of effort or spending a lot of(or even any) money.

If the guy isn't willing to be thoughtful and plan things so you can feel special, there's no point in trying to pursue anything further. 

12) He doesn't introduce you to his friends or family

If a relationship progresses to a point where he doesn't introduce you to any of his friends or family then you’re just a girl he’s talking to but nothing too serious. 

In most cases, people don't have close relationships with new people they meet every day-- especially if the relationship is just starting. If you haven't met his friends or family or have even made the effort to talk about you to them then that must mean that it isn't as serious as you thought and there's no room for anything serious right now either.

13) He only communicates through text

We live in an age where we can chat, text file share, and do practically everything online. But when the only thing he seems interested in doing is communicating through text and not talking on the phone or facetime, he's lacking the effort to communicate with you. You deserve better than that!

14) You can't tell if he likes you

Most of us have experienced being in the dark when it comes to whether or not a relationship will work out. This usually happens when there just doesn't seem like there's any chemistry between two people which makes it difficult to see what the relationship will become. However, if there's no chemistry but you're still interested then maybe take a step back and ask yourself why. Could it be because he doesn't want a relationship? You deserve better than a guy who isn't sure about what his feelings are.

15) He tells you he doesn't want a relationship

When he tells you that it's not worth the risk, listen to him. There's nothing you can do to change his mind because it has already been made.

The fact that he is even willing to communicate with you after telling you this should be a red flag. He's not the relationship type and is only looking for fun!

You may be wondering well if he feels that way why is he keeping me around and being hot and cold?

Here are some reasons why he may want to keep you around:

1) He's Lonely:

He might be lonely and what you're offering is the attention he needs for now. He doesn't want to commit because he's not feeling you but at the same time it feels nice to have someone around to stroke his ego.

2) You are convenient:

Maybe he doesn't want all this emotional baggage anymore so instead of committing to you, he keeps you around cause it's easier than trying to find someone new. Everything has run its course and now it would just be weird if you stopped talking completely so he continues to keep in touch.

3) He hasn't found anyone better yet:

Ladies, men love the variety! If there isn't anyone else that catches his eye then he'll run straight to them! He is keeping his options open.

and here's what YOU SHOULD BE DOING if you are seeing signs that he doesn't want a relationship with you:

1) Set Boundaries

You always have to be firm that if he isn't willing to put in the effort then this relationship is over. If you don't set boundaries early on, there's no reason for him to step up and start behaving like a relationship instead of friends with benefits. It's important to recognize what you are dealing with so you can either accept it or move on.

2) Be direct with him

If he hasn't expressed interest in you yet, the relationship will never happen. You need to be honest with him and let him know that you want more but he's not ready for it. If he doesn't care enough about you to take a relationship seriously, don't waste your time waiting around for him.

3) Let go of the relationship

It might seem impossible at first because it means moving on but sometimes letting go is an important step towards healing the pain you're feeling. By ending things completely then there won't be any expectations between each other so if your paths cross again, even as friends only, it'll be easier than keeping things unclear. Don't hold onto something that has no future! We even have an article on How To Detach Yourself From Someone.

It's hard to like someone who doesn't seem to want the same things as you. The pain of having feelings and not getting what we need can take its toll on people’s emotions, so I know how difficult this is for those going through it.

Although that is true, you deserve to be in a happy loving relationship with someone WHO DOES make you feel special and so much more. In the meantime, you to need to learn how to How To Date Yourself - The Only Person You Need.

I hope this article helped you realize some things about the guy you're with and find the strength to KNOW YOUR WORTH.

When I was in junior high, I was a “late bloomer,” as those of us who don’t move at society’s pace are called. My breasts weren’t developed (still waiting decades later), I was always the smallest in my class, and the only growth spurts I experienced were my unibrow and mustache. My peers were dating seniors and high schoolers, making out everywhere, and receiving Valentine’s Day cards. At school functions, when there was dancing, the popular and “developed” girls could be found on the dance floor grinding on (or with) boys our age.

I was never popular, the best in any one thing, and I was always a misfit. Yet, as I started writing this entry, I realized that it’s probably the most confident I’ve ever been. This carried on into high school, where my social status only slightly improved (i.e. my two eyebrows and half-assed attempts to look “sexy” made me somewhat visible to the guys and somehow more acceptable to the girls).

As I look back, I can say with certainty that I was weird – I knew it and everyone else knew it – and I embraced it. I was “arms wide open, get your ass over here, weirdness” weird. And, though I made adjustments here and there as I explored different interests and friend groups, I can say with confidence (inspired by teen Maureen) that I was very much my own person.

One time in junior high, I asked a guy friend to be my date at a dance. He laughed and said, “You’re joking, right?” My response? I laughed right back and said something along the lines of “Oh, you thought I was serious?” We both laughed it off and this was soon forgotten… kind of. I really liked this guy and I was 100% serious. I went home that day and cried like I had just gone through a divorce and lost my house. The next day, I proceeded as normal (though with a bruised ego) and I meant it.

Yes, I saved face, but I knew what I needed.

I was fearful but bold, and then I was rejected, and then I processed my emotions and went on with full self-awareness. And this continued a lot throughout high school and even college – me putting myself out there, getting rejected in different ways, dusting myself off however I needed to, and then chugging along.

Sounds like I need advice from my teenage self, right? Well. Here’s where adult me can step in and say: Teenage Maureen, please don’t resist. Carry all of your parts with you throughout your journey, and only you can decide what parts to release and what to pick up along the way.

I have mostly stayed true to who I was – with concessions big and small – but it didn’t always feel natural. It felt like a war was waging inside of me. I didn’t want to be bold, outspoken, smart, or receive any positive feedback. I became apologetic and felt fraudulent. I live(d) in fear. I was skeptical when anyone believed in me, to the point where I am (re)learning to believe in myself again.

I wrongly traded in my knowing for resistance. And by knowing, I mean I knew who I was and why, and I knew what it entailed (external resistance and the fortitude to just be anyway). And by resistance, I mean that I became permeable and let the external bullshit get to me, wear me down, and gaslight me. I undermined myself under the influence(s).

I have strayed so far from teen Maureen that my pride for her feels separate from my pride in my efforts to get back to her. We are the same in the ways that matter and yet, it almost feels impossible to utter the words, “I am proud of myself.”

Though I don’t believe in time travel, I do believe that teen Maureen is still here and ready to reconcile with present Maureen. So here we are, whole, unlearning, relearning, learning, terrified, and little by little, no longer resisting.

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

When involved in an intimate relationship, it’s always necessary to look out for things that can deprive you of much-needed happiness. Regardless of the things that your partner does to show their love, you should always watch out for potential red flags. 

However, you should also keep an eye out for the subtle signs that the person you’re dating can transform your life for the better. It’s important to note that these signs do not necessarily have to entail major events, just simple habits that you’re likely to share with your partner. When it comes to the person you want to build a family and a life with, it’s always best if they have as many of these good qualities as possible.

What exactly are Green Flags?

According to Rori Sassoon, a frequent dating expert on the Real Housewives of New York and co-owner of matchmaking agency Platinum Poire she states, “Green flags in a relationship are signs that you are in a healthy partnership. Is your partner attentive, caring, and caters to your needs even if he or she is tired after a long day at work. Green flags show that you should continue exploring this relationship forward. In other words, there are no signs to leave the relationship and the potential future you may share with your partner. If you're in a green flag relationship, you share a mutual love of respect, kindness, and outright understanding of one another.”

To help you determine whether your relationship is on track for success, we’ve compiled a list of key green flags in a relationship to watch for. 

Candid Communication

The ability to express feelings and thoughts outrightly and without fear of reprisal is possibly the greenest flag you can come across in a relationship. This is usually the case with partners who are open to sharing their naked feelings with one another on any topic, irrespective of how insignificant the topic may seem.

However, if your partner shows signs of reluctance in discussing with you any subject that bothers them and instead prefers to keep it to himself or herself, then that is a potential red flag that all is not well in your relationship. In such a case, you may have to resort to mental or emotional probing if you want them to disclose what is going on.

As much as possible, you should always be open and honest with each other about everything. This has the effect of strengthening your relationship while at the same time avoiding any hidden resentments that can grow into irreparable damage.

However, if you’re aware that your partner will listen to anything you have to say without judgment or argument, then that is a definitive sign that your relationship is built on a solid foundation. According to Nancy Landrum, MA, Author with 25+ years of Coaching couples, "There are dozens of ways to communicate disrespectfully, but only a few simple ways to express yourself with respect. "

Always Sides with You No Matter What

This is something you can quickly observe, especially when you spend time with your lover and their close friends. If you do something strange or contrary to that of your friends and your partner defends you, instead of siding with others to tell you off to make you feel self-conscious, then that is a great sign they find you worthy of their love.

Even if your partner sides with their friends in telling you off, they should do it in a way that doesn’t show disrespect in front of friends that you respect. 

In such a case, you should do the same for them if they ever have to face a similar situation.

If your partner’s friends say something bad about you behind your back and your partner defends you, not knowing what they said, then that shows a potential green flag in a relationship. Good partners never allow their loved ones to be insulted in front of anyone, especially their friends or family. 

Respect for Your Family, Friends, and Loved Ones

Good partners are not only willing to respect you as an individual, but are also equally interested in getting to know your loved ones. They should be open to spending time with your family members.

If your partner is quick to accept you with all the good, bad, and ugly qualities that come with your family members, then there’s a huge possibility of them respecting your family as their own. This is another great green flag in a relationship.

According to Ashleigh Edelstein, LMFT, "They don't tear down or say derogatory remarks about your friends. They don't make passive aggressive remarks or get angry when you spend time with other people. Rather, they encourage spending quality time with others, for both you and themselves."

Good partners are also always willing to spend time with the friends their significant other care about so that they can have fun together. However, if your partner clarifies they don’t want to spend time with the friends or family you care about or keep making excuses not to do so, then it’s high time for you to raise an eyebrow.

You should never feel you have to stop hanging out with the people closest to you outside because of your significant other.

Healthy Disagreements

We’re all conscious that disagreements are part of any successful relationship, but being able to disagree while maintaining your emotional connection is a major green flag.

Respecting your partner’s point of view is a great indicator that you’re on the right track in healthy relationships. Your partner should never dismiss your point of view out of hand or resort to name-calling. It is best not to raise your voice when having a disagreement, as this can cause undue stress and may lessen the importance of what you’re trying to convey.

Good partners always attempt to understand their loved one’s first before responding. When your partner attempts to understand you without casting judgment, then that is one step closer to having an open and honest relationship.

If they don’t like what you’re saying but are still willing to hear you out, then be assured of their trust in you. If your partner just doesn’t want to hear whatever you have to say, then there are more problems waiting on the horizon.

Arguments Devoid of Consequences

Every time you have an altercation with your lover, you should not always be afraid that it will ruin your entire relationship. It’s a red flag if your partner imposes long haul punishments on you because of arguments. Whether as prolonged periods of tense silence, not recognizing your presence though you’re sharing the same room, or adopting a directly threatening behavior, such partners may not be in for a long-term relationship. 

It’s a green flag if you’re able to embrace one another immediately after an exchange. This signifies that the relationship is more pivotal to the two of you than the differences. 

Good partners should be more interested in solving the problem at hand instead of prolonging it, even if that means saying sorry. This doesn’t mean that your partner must always say sorry to you. However, a simple “I’m sorry” is enough to let you both know that they recognize their wrongdoing and will work on resolving their mistakes.

Willingness to Support Your Personal Growth 

This may sound obvious, but there are many people engaged to partners who are reluctant to support positive growth in their significant other because it causes them to feel insecure. A partner worthy of your love should always be supportive in pursuing your ambition. May it be mastering a new language, studying a new course, losing weight, etc. 

Their willingness to support positive growth in you is their way of showing how much they value your presence in their life.

It’s not a green flag if you’re expected to make sacrifices all the time because it means that your happiness always comes last. If you feel you have to take up second place all the time or always put your significant other instead of yourself, you are being used. 

However, if you’ve found the right person who would support your personal growth while simultaneously prioritizing their own happiness too, then congratulations! Finding this kind of relationship is rare, but shouldn’t be taken for granted.

Healthy relationships are made up of two individuals committed to each other’s overall well-being. 

TIP: You should always have a life apart from your partner, so if they are robbing you of the ability to live on your own terms, then it’s time to reconsider your situation.  

A person who knows how to improve your life for the long haul will teach you how to be independent and proud of yourself. A green flag in a relationship tells you they want nothing more than giving you the support that helps you live out your dream.

Your partner may be supportive of your life choices, but they should never impose their control over you. This is not to say that you can’t discuss common goals and aspirations with them, but it has to be done with mutual consent and respect.

If the only time your partner seems happy with you is when you’re catering to their needs, then that is definitely a problem.

TIP: Your partner should never dominate your time with them when you’re not together. If they try to control the time you spend with your friends by telling you how much you should see them or where you could meet up, then this is unacceptable behavior in a relationship. If you're being more signs of feeling controlled, check out 11 Early Signs of A Controlling Man.

Acts of Thoughtfulness

Taking the time to learn how to do simple things that will make your partner happy and taking care of them when they’re sick, opening doors for them and standing up when they come into a room are all signs that you value your relationship.   

According to Nancy Ruth Been, Relationship Expert & Conscious Breakup Coach, "They're investing a lot of energy into the relationship. Whether it's making future plans, ensuring this weekend is booked with you, or talking consistently throughout the relationship, this green flag showcases someone who sees a lot of potential with you "

It’s not a green flag if your lover takes you for granted or is inconsiderate of your feelings. 

If your love language is acts of service, then your partner should take the lead in making plans for a date night or something as simple as cooking you dinner when you’re feeling sad. Other examples include giving your boyfriend thoughtful and romantic surprises for his birthday.

It’s normal if it’s not all the time as everyone has busy schedules, but If you’re on a date with someone who can’t take the time to order your food, finds no value in making plans for the future or doesn’t try to clean up after themselves and expect you to take care of it, then this is a sign that they don’t care enough about you.

The longer these kinds of actions go on, the more likely it is that they don’t value what it takes to keep a relationship healthy. If they aren’t willing to try with acts of thoughtfulness, then they can’t be expected to take an interest when it’s difficult.

Shows Interest In Your Hobbies

You don’t have to share the same hobbies with your lover in order to be a great partner. Actually, it would be great if you share none, but it is a positive sign if you can show an interest in what they love. A promising partner won’t dismiss your hobby, irrespective of how odd it may seem, or make you feel mindful about participating in it in your presence. 

If your partner only likes the idea of you until they find out about all of your interests, then it’s time to rethink your relationship.

TIP: If you’re together, you should do things that make both of you happy. It’s impossible for two people to enjoy the same hobby at the same level, but giving each other the time of day can go a long way.

According to psychology, having a romantic partner who can expose you to activities that may be new to you is one of the most promising ways a relationship can expedite personal growth.  

This way, you can take turns trying out things together and learning about each other in the process.

When involved in an intimate relationship, it’s always necessary to look out for things that can deprive you of much-needed happiness. Regardless of the things that your partner does to show their love, you should always watch out for potential red flags. 

However, you should also keep an eye out for the subtle signs that the person you’re dating can transform your life for the better. It’s important to note that these signs do not necessarily have to entail major events, just simple habits that you’re likely to share with your partner. When it comes to the person you want to build a family and a life with, it’s always best if they have as many of these good qualities as possible.

To help you determine whether your relationship is on track for success, we’ve compiled a list of key green flags in a relationship to watch for. 

Bottom Line

Candid conversation, siding with your partner, Respect for Your Family, Friends, and Loved Ones, healthy disagreements, acts of thoughtfulness, arguments without consequences, willingness to support your personal growth, and showing interest in your hobbies are some of the green flags in a relationship.

All these are a revelation that your relationship is on a path to success. If you or your partner don’t exhibit any of the aforementioned green flags, try to grow them in you and your relationship will be in for a forward trajectory.  

If you’re single, understanding the green flags in a relationship will help you distinguish between unhealthy relationships and ones that are worth your time.    
What are some of your green flags in a relationship? Let us know or submit your story.

References:

• Nancy Ruth Been, Relationship Expert & Conscious Breakup Coach.

• Ashleigh Edelstein, LMFT,

• Nancy Landrum, MA, Author with 25+ years of Coaching couples

• Rori Sassoon, a frequent dating expert on the Real Housewives of New York and co-owner of matchmaking agency Platinum Poire.

Fighting mental illness isn't simply taking your medication and going to therapy. That's maintenance work. Fighting mental illness is in the small tasks that mentally stable people take for granted- making the bed (neatly), writing down an appointment, making a phone call, setting a reminder, wiping up a spill, paying a bill, picking a crumb up off the floor, flossing your teeth.

Each decision to do the thing or not is fighting the fight. There are a lot of little fights. Do I have it in me to fold the laundry? Do I even have it in me to DO the laundry? Maybe someone else will clean up the spill. It’s just a drop. I’ll do it later. You know you have to do it. Everyone else is capable of keeping up. The basics of…existing as a functioning human being and maintaining a healthy environment for yourself. Most don’t think twice.

Wiping a drop of lotion or oil off the counter or picking a crumb up off the floor. Easy enough to do. Easy enough not to. 

Before you say it, I know. Who really wants to do that monotonous crap anyway? Sometimes mentally healthy people don't want to get the groceries or wash the lone fork in the sink either, but they do it. It’s not a defining moment in their day and it doesn’t take much energy away from their daily allotment. It might be a push to take the extra step toward the trash can, but it’s not a leap. Not a grand jeté by any stretch. 

Except when you’re sick.

When you’re empty and numb or your chest aches and your muscles feel like sludge, none of it matters. You're spending all of your time and energy in your head and it is not cute up there. You’re in the thick of it. Crumbs on the floor don’t matter. You don't want to use that extra second out of bed to floss your teeth. You want to fall back to sleep and escape. You want to run out the door. Scream into the abyss.

How do you find the energy, the will even, to fight back?

I didn't floss for a long time. Except, you know, those couple of days before and the day of the dentist, right? Then I actually met someone who flossed every day. So, I started flossing every day because I had accountability. The real truth came when I lost that accountability. When we weren't standing in the hallway across from each other flossing at the same time, and I had finished brushing my teeth late one night. I didn’t want to floss that night. Who would care? Surely, I hadn’t cared enough to build up the habit for my own health. How many times had I been here? Taking care of myself as best I could until no one was looking anymore?

 I don’t remember if I had a good mental health day or not that day, but I remember the moment I chose to grab the floss. I recall realizing all of the small, seemingly insignificant decisions I faced daily and how some were far easier, even insignificant on the days where I felt human.

That night I won. Flossing was no longer a task of basic hygiene. It became a check-in. 

Can I floss tonight? Meh, I did that other thing today, and I’m really proud of that.

How about tonight? I know it’ll make me feel better about not doing x, y, and z.

I started to show up for myself a little bit more. I progressed to other small, nearly consistent habits. In turn, they give me a little boost back. And on the days where I just don’t have it in me, I’m a little kinder to myself. I don’t ask myself to fight every day. I get up, do the absolutes and the maintenance work and then do what I can with what’s left. Sometimes that's flossing, and sometimes it's something else I haven't managed.

So yeah, sometimes I can tell what kind of day I'm having by whether I want to floss my teeth. No, I never want to floss my teeth. I never enjoy getting saliva all over my fingers, hitting my gums a little too hard or seeing pieces of who knows what on that waxy string. But I’ve come to recognize those moments where I choose to pick up the scrap of paper or whether I put the crumb in the trash when I spot it as accomplishments. Acts of self-care. Those small acts mean I want to live in this space. In this optimal functioning body. I care today. 

THAT is fighting mental illness. 

The pills and the talking… that will keep you afloat. But to live, you’ve got to swim. 

One stroke: The crumbs.

Two strokes: The stack of mail.

Three strokes: Flossing your teeth.

I know it’s hard, but please keep swimming. 

 

For many years I struggled with my introversion. I forced myself into situations that made me feel like a square peg in a round hole. I attended social gatherings which left me feeling drained and grumpy, and accepted invitations when I would much rather stay at home with a good book. Being labelled as boring if I didn’t want to do certain things - I thought there was something wrong with me for not always seeing a night out as fun.

I’ve always been an introvert, frequently describing myself as socially awkward. As a kid, I was described as shy, my mum having to sneak away from birthday parties while I was otherwise distracted. I preferred one-on-one interactions or quietly loitering in the background compared to large groups or being the centre of attention. I still do. But it wasn’t until I read Quiet by Susan Cain that I fully understood what everything meant. Page by page, I found myself nodding along in agreement with everything she said. My shoulders dropped while the weight became lighter as the burden I’d been carrying around started to lift. Somebody finally got me and understood the inner workings of my mind. 

Connecting the Dots

I was in my late thirties when I first started connecting the dots, but into my forties, before I joined them all up. Once I did, I realised that everything I’d been experiencing was okay. In fact, it was more than okay - it was normal. I could breathe a sigh of relief and finally start working with my personality rather than against it. I like solitude, peace and quiet with time to read, write and just be, and when the pandemic hit, it confirmed what I already knew - it just made it more acceptable. 

I’m a thinker, a listener, and an observer, and I welcome silence in which to meditate and reflect. I like quiet nights with my husband and curling up with a good book. I’m an early to bed, early to rise kinda girl; lights out before 10pm and up before 6am, running early in the morning when the streets are empty, and people are still sleeping. I like hiking in the countryside far-away from the hustle and bustle of crowded streets, exploring lush green valleys and rolling hillsides while breathing in the fresh, clean air. I take my time when getting to know people. Don’t get me wrong, like many introverts, I have a few extroverted personality traits. But I save these for my nearest and dearest, the people who know me well.

Embracing my Introversion

I didn’t always pay attention to what I needed, saying yes to things when I really meant no. Whereas now, I listen to what I need. I embrace my personality rather than curse it and accept myself for who I am. Someone once asked me if I wished I wasn’t this way, to which I truthfully responded no. Because being an introvert doesn’t prevent me from doing anything. I understand what I need and what makes me tick, what situations are worth getting out of my comfort zone for, and which ones aren’t. I’ll wholeheartedly get uncomfortable for something that means something to me and adds value to my life. But I don’t believe in forcing myself to do something just for the sake of it. Every big decision I make has been thought out and made with intention, not carried out on a whim. I carefully weigh up what’s worth fighting for and whether it aligns with my values.

Introverts are good listeners and problem solvers, deep thinkers, and comfortable spending time alone. Fearne Cotton describes herself as 100% introvert, and other famous introverts include Steven Spielberg, Emma Watson, JK Rowling and Barack Obama. So, contrary to what some people think, I don’t need fixing. I just understand how to enjoy my own company without feeling lonely. I don’t need to be more social or interactive, loud, or outgoing. I’m fine the way I am; it just took me a while to understand that.

When I was younger, I imagined having at least three children. In the sometimes dissociative fantasy world that lived in my head, each child had a name, a unique personality, and a distinct piece of my heart. I hadn’t even met my husband yet, but I had my life all planned out.

Until the plan unraveled. And until I became OK with life not turning out how I anticipated.

My first-even pregnancy ended in miscarriage at approximately five weeks gestation on June 4, 2019. I didn’t know how to process the grief, and I often spiraled out of control. I did all of the things we do when we have unprocessed grief or any mental health issue: I ate my feelings, shriveled into a smaller version of myself, and remained numb to the point of nearly no return.

I kept telling myself, “I thought getting pregnant would be easier.” It took me months to find a sliver of grace with myself and to realize that a pregnancy loss is not my fault. Despite the overwhelming feeling of loss, my husband and I kept trying.

Fast forward to August 2020. As I lay on the operating table, numb from the waist down and being cut open during a C-section, I witnessed the single most awe-inspiring moment of my life: the birth of our son. All of the heartaches centered on the first loss, the arrival of periods, and the incessant waiting were all worth it. The high-risk pregnancy riddled with gestational diabetes, hypertension, and a breech baby was worth it.

Every road that led to this magical moment was filled with fate, unconditional love, and a mess of nerves. I realized at that moment, as I was being wheeled out of the operating room, that life was complete. This notion reintroduced itself as we settled into being a family of three within the first 24 hours after Luke was born.

In April 2021, the unthinkable happened. Although I used birth control, it failed. I saw a positive pregnancy test staring back at me as I sat in disbelief on the toilet seat. I couldn’t believe that it happened when I wasn’t trying. Then, I suffered a second miscarriage on April 20, 2021, when I was between five and six weeks along. Each time, I miscarried 24 hours or so after the initial pregnancy test.

Between the birth of our son and after the second miscarriage, I realized that I didn’t want to go through this process again. While I gained an immense amount of resilience and strength I never knew I possessed, my health -- and the health of any future children -- would be at stake. I have a bicornuate uterus and a propensity for serious health complications during pregnancy.

Somehow, I feel at peace with the knowledge that Luke will be our only child. I feel confident in that decision. Although I know others may (and probably have) passed judgment, it’s OK to not be the “nuclear family” everyone expects you to be. Do what resonates with you. Have just one child. Have two or three. Have seven. Or have none at all. The beauty is the promise and realization of choice. You are the author of your own story. If you have experienced any type of pregnancy or infant loss (or have struggled to get pregnant at all), this notion is even more important. You may hear, “But your child needs a sibling” and “When are you going to try for another one?” There is also beauty in honesty, even if it makes people uncomfortable. You don’t have to be rude (even if they are). You can take the high road and still be honest with them and yourself. You know what is best for you, your partner, and any children you have.

It’s OK when your dreams change -- even those you have harbored in your mind since you were a little girl. Life gives us what we need in ways we don’t expect. I see this every day. There’s a little boy who looks at me with true love in his eyes when he wakes up. Who I declare as “smelly” and “handsome” and all of the wonderful boy-isms I can muster. Who grows and learns more every single day. Who I love more than life itself.

Most of all, he and his siblings helped me further realize what unconditional love means -- and how to feel confident and secure, no matter what life throws your way.

Dating is weird.

Online dating is even weirder.

You mean to tell me that I should make the effort to make a good first impression to a man I have only virtually met but clearly liked enough at first swipe and further over a few messages to accept a date invitation?

You further mean to tell me that I may have to sit through a meal even if I know within the first fifteen minutes of being in each other’s presence if I am interested in said date? Which means I have to make small talk in order to maintain basic levels of polite conversation to get through the meal. Then there’s that awkward moment at the end when the waiter asks if you’re ready for the check and you want to pay for it because it’s the least you could do after what you’re going to do at the end of the date, which is give them the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech.

No one likes having that talk, let alone being the one it’s given to.

Worst yet, you’re telling me I may actually end up liking someone a lot and risk giving my heart some aches?

 

When I first started online dating, it was during the era of Tinder. I was twenty-two, naïve and shy. I had never really dated prior to this, given my high-school sweetheart essentially told me we were dating (this should have been my first insight into what the future of that relationship would be like, but that’s a topic for another day) and college was entirely exhausting enough without adding the pressures of dating. Not to mention the effects social media had everyone’s digital behavior – little did we know what was to come!

Swiping was like this game that I couldn’t stop myself from playing, obsessively checking the app for more contenders to shallowly assess or reply to messages with people who I knew I would never speak to again. This was short-lived because weeks later, I was back with my ex.

I tried Tinder again, I’m ashamed to admit, sporadically over the next few years, during my tumultuous on-and-off again relationship. When it finally ended, with a fierceness that was necessary, I gave myself two years to grieve and mourn and learn about myself as an individual who was not in a relationship, but still had so much to offer the world alone. Despite it being lonely and oftentimes plain sad, it was also liberating, cathartic, and really quite beautiful.

Then one day, I decided to try dating again.

In my last post, I talked about my move to Fort Worth, Texas, and oh how wonderful the last several months have been. I have met so many incredible people and built not only a diverse group of friends but connected with like-minded entrepreneurs who have been inspiring and motivating for my own career.

But it’s dating that has been truly eye-opening and I’ll share with you all what I’ve learned, good and bad.

Initially, I’d looked to dating as something casual, a way to meet a man who I liked enough to join me in my exploration of my new home base. Even better if he was a native!

My first week, I’d planned three dates, with three different men at three different places. Now, before you go on and start calling me some choice words, I paid for my meal, my drink, and my coffee, respectively, and I was fully transparent with each man about my intentions – or non-intentions.

Here is the first thing I learned through my online dating experience: Be very transparent about what you’re looking for, or not looking for, from the beginning. Some may think this is too honest or too in-depth to go into with someone you’ve recently acquainted yourself with, but trust me, it will save you a lot of time. And them a lot of time too.

Second, let them pay for the meal! I’m all about female independence, but if he pulls out his wallet, even as you reach for yours, let the man pay. If a man asks you to dinner or drinks or coffee or lunch or an event, oftentimes he’s going in knowing that he’s investing in your time and will be paying. I’m not making this up, I have been told this, not once, not twice, but THREE different times. Some men never want their lady to pay, and it has to do with being a provider. This latter aspect I’m still working on understanding and letting some situations slide because my inner Queen likes to argue. But I digress.

Third, which has more to do with myself than online dating, is to really consider the things you can’t compromise on when dating someone. I noticed a trend, that I would get to know someone, like them enough to go on a date, and then in the process learn about something that didn’t quite jive with me in terms of a long-lasting relationship. Upon some self-reflection, I realized I did this because subconsciously, I knew that it gave me a suitable excuse to end things in the future, or give the “I only see you as a friend” talk.  However, I had to admit that I was doing someone else a disservice by continuing to date someone I knew I didn’t want to be in a relationship with ever. It wasn’t fair of me, or even nice.

Fourth, if they don’t ask you on a second date, or they tell you that they don’t feel any chemistry, or they ghost you…it’s okay! They’ve done you a favor! I know it’s easier said than done, but truly, everyone is navigating the dating scene in their own way and everyone is entitled to their preferences. I firmly believe that there is someone out there for everyone and the universe puts other people in our paths to prepare us for our person. But even so, I know it absolutely sucks to feel rejected. My best friend is navigating the dating scene and is coming across some doubts about continuing to put herself out there. She is an absolute babe, gorgeous inside and out. But though she is a fierce lioness, she has a sensitive soul. She feels deeply, possibly more than anyone I’ve ever met, and so dating for her takes a tiny piece of her every time. I know she is likeable, she is in fact very loveable, and people recognize that she is the one you take seriously, you treat like a princess, and try to give the world to. For that reason, I believe the considerate men are leaving her free to find her one.

The fifth and final thing I would say is, if you do change your mind and want something serious, or wanted serious from the beginning, look for the person who wants something serious too. Along the way, I had stopped looking for casual and instead, began looking for someone I wanted to bring into my world, but I was still acting as if I was okay with casual with men who wanted casual. I had to stop that. I had to be honest with myself – I could not convince someone they wanted something different. Most men are quite resolute in what they want or believe in. They’re the ones who must come to conclusions and you will only cause yourself some emotional distress in the long run.

All this to say…if you’re ready to date, babe, do it!

Online dating may not be for everyone, and it doesn’t have to be a forever option, but it’s a good starting point. There are so many dating apps out there if you’re nervous about making the first move in person (this is totally something that psyches me out too!) and many of them give you the flexibility of trying a virtual date first. Seriously, Bumble video chats are a lot of fun for trivia lovers! If you have any questions about which platform to use, reviews help a lot.

But if I leave you with one key bit of advice, it’s to always remember to practice safe online dating! Most dating profiles give you the option of verifying your account, so this tells you that there is a ninety-eight percent chance the person is who they say they are – that two percent goes out to the people who go completely out of their way to use someone else’s identity, which is way uncool. If they don’t have any prompts answered because they can’t be bothered, they’re probably not very serious about dating. If they ask you out on a date, insist on a virtual date first. This will not only test the chemistry, but also ensure they match their photograph. When you go out to dinner, meet them there and make sure a friend or five know where you are and where you’re going and who you’re going with – trust me, you could always go pick up your car later if things go really well.

Now, happy dating, babes!