life

I GOT TIRED

To steal a quote from Eric Thomas, The Hip-Hop Preacher (no I’m not religious but he’s brilliant), I got tired. Tired of a job I couldn’t stand, a town I grew up in, left and moved back to and tired of dating people I knew I didn’t want to end up with. I got tired of living somewhere where people thought they knew me, and tired of caring if they were right. I’m shit in relationships and I got tired of ex-boyfriends telling me that. Who did they think they were anyways? Losers that will never leave the 941 area code is what I told myself, but in reality, I got scared. For years I tried to pretend like my life was perfect, when it couldn’t have been further from the truth. I struggled with bulimia for 5 years. Five long hard years, and pretended with my parents I was past it after 2. T...

ALMOST

I woke up blinded Reminded of your smooth words and the thought of you 4:14 a.m. most of Toronto’s still sleeping Laying here wide awake, I’m lucid dreaming The only place where I let things go, with some degree of my control Baby, these days love has different meanings A few months pass and it was nothing more than demeaning to you Maybe I shouldn’t have let myself walk in Maybe my values were too old fashioned Since when did being passionate become mistaken for trying too hard? Remember when we only had land lines, to reach me you would show up at the front of my yard Nowadays I would be lucky if a man like you would send me a text, throws one off guard To think technology would make communication easier I cannot see over this barrier “Girl, I think you need to let it go,” my friends rea...

SUFFER OR PURGE

Would you rather suffer or purge your life of what no longer serves you? Boom. Mic drop. Can you imagine what it would be like to remove or eradicate anything that does not make you feel good and feed your soul? This sounds like an obvious statement but do our actions reflect this, usually not. There are many moments in our life in which we decide to stay and subject ourselves to an environment that drains us of energy. Why? There is always a great excuse why.  Consider if you’ve said or thought the following: I am so lost in what to do with my life. I have to have this job or else I’m a failure. It used to be so good. If I wait, he/she will treat me like they used to when we first started dating. I know they’re addicted but we’ve been friends since I was little. I have to be there for him...

A WOMAN’S LIFE STARTS AT 30

A woman’s life starts at 30 Life is a constant change and for a woman, the change, paradoxically, becomes the routine. We develop and evolve with every year that passes but sometimes, these changes are not as obvious so we choose to ignore them if they don’t make us proud or simply take them for granted if they do. Among those changes, one of the most interesting ones is when a girl becomes a woman. Sounds radical but it is not as drastic as it seems. It might feel like we go to bed one night feeling all “girly” and wake up the next morning with responsibilities for ourselves, our homes, our lives. However, this is a change that happens among many years and through a lot of experiences, even if we might not be aware of the entire process. I say “we”, because I am not the only woman who tur...

WELCOME HOME, DARLING

I anxiously waited for Michigan’s burden to lift: the weight of memories, the fading friendships, beaches overrun by antiquated emotion, streets dampened by old feelings. With urgency bubbling in my blood, I desperately clung to the idea I would be nothing short of another insolvent 20-something in the music industry ‘trying to make it’ unless I found an opportunity outside the Midwest. I closely tied Michigan with failure. How unfairly I treat Michigan; I love her dearly, she’s bled out all she can offer me. Lady Luck took pity on my weary, burnt-out soul; Tennessee called my name and I responded gratefully. Armed with a fierce yearning to escape, I traveled for eight hours alone to arrive alone in the depths of an unfamiliar city. Suddenly, I am here; surrounded b...

PRACTICING NOWNESS

Your natural state is calm, content, and at peace. Not stressed. Not anxious. This is an affirmation I’ve repeated to myself a lot lately. To be completely transparent, I’m not very good at being present during each passing moment. I remember my first semester of college I was spacing out in a buzzing auditorium with over 2,000 other freshmen when I heard a guy over the microphone simply say, “Be where your feet are.” It’s been five years since that moment and it’s still some of the most influential and profound advice I’ve ever received. It’s so simple but it’s meaning is so complex; it requires complete awareness of self. We live in a distracted, anxious, busy world. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve looked up from my o...

MAKING SENSE OF TERROR

It’s about the denial of safe space, the unnerving sense they might hit any place at any time… ◇ Our idea of terrorism is composed from the perspective of victims, government, and media based on what makes sense to us: the “sane” and “normal” people. However, the painful yet much needed to be addressed issue is: How do we make sense of those who commit these horrendous acts of violence? ◇ Many will dismiss this question, because they will not wish to engage with any sort of understanding of people who bomb innocent civilians—I recognise that—it’s far easier to brand violent persons as psychopaths. Nevertheless, demonising will not wash the stain of terrorism from our public spaces or our own minds. ◇ The majority who commit acts of barbarity are not mentally ill. Often, they are lured into...

LETTING GO: OUT WITH THE OLD, IN WITH THE… OLD?

The past few years have been, at times, challenging, but overall, were rewarding. I am finding who I want to be, and who I am from within is finally reflecting on the outside. I now have purpose, direction, and self-determination. Many of my dreams and visions of my future are coming to clarity, and this is primarily due to changing thought processes and patterns of behavior. This past year especially, I have learned to de-clutter, both around my home and within myself. I have let go of some past pattern of behaviors, changed my eating habits slightly, and exercised more. I cleaned out the closets in my home and donated a lot of clothes to Goodwill. I began journaling, too, about my thoughts and memories. Writing down memories that affect me in some way, and how I felt at that point in tim...

I HAVE TO SAVE MYSELF

I lay on the bed waiting for something to happen. We had talked about all sorts of fantasies in our relationship, but each day looked the same, luxuriating to the point of suffocation. He pulled the computer over to rest on his chest as he perused the internet, waiting for noise to stop downstairs so that he could potentially make his first meal after hours and hours of waiting, “I don’t want to go downstairs because there are people down there,” he would say, “I am not going down there.” I began to realize that I was waiting for something that was never going to come. Years could be filled up with this waiting: sitting on beds, looking over at a living corpse just waiting to rot and die, and for what? I was doing this to myself; I was choosing to take the easier way out, staying in a rela...

BUILDING BRIDGES: A STORY OF SISTERHOOD AND PARTNERSHIP TO CREATE QUEENIE WAHINE

I work with my sister. We have built an online community, Tribe of Daughters, and are releasing our first book this summer: Queenie Wahine: Little Surfer Girl. Cool, right? Two surfer-girl sisters inspiring the next generation of little girls to be adventurous and brave. It almost sounds too good to be true. Working with my sister elicits a lot of different comment from others. Everything from, “Ohhhh, how nice.” to “Hmmm, that must be hard.” to “Why? I’d kill my sister.” These have all been truths at some point this past year. But working with my sister hasn’t been quite like I thought it would be. It has been a series of mostly successes with a few hiccups and life lessons sprinkled in-between. Let me set the scene so you can have a context of how we came to work together. Last summer, I...

THIS IS 30.

“Don’t tell me our youth is running out It’s only just begun.” – Foxes “OMG, you’re turning 30… how do you feel about that?” I’m asked as though the moment I go from age 29 to age 30 that I’ll magically be transported into some state of infinite wisdom that I can bestow upon my younger friends. Or way less glamorous than that: I’ll be in complete and utter devastation. I’m not sure if it’s just me, but turning 30 has been oddly unceremonious. This could be due to the fact that, as I keep telling you guys, I feel like I’m still 17, and this denial tactic has served me perfectly well throughout my 20s. But the truth is that in my experience, there has been no grandiose moment. No marching band, no confetti falling from the sky. Just another day, a mild hangover and slight back pain. To...

BOWL OF LIGHT

  Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if only one remembers to turn on the light.                                         -Albus Dumbledore   If you are anything like me, you are a predominately positive person (wow, so many p’s!). You love to laugh, you roll the windows down on summer days, you sing at the top of your lungs. You would be the first person to pick your friend up if she was feeling down. But, you are also human. And, if you are anything like me there are days when you find yourself stuck in a cycle of negative thoughts. Maybe something went wrong at work or you had a fight with a family member. Maybe nothing necessarily happened to cause this pattern of thinking but it seems impossible to make your way out of the downward spiral. First, let ...

  • 1
  • 2
  • 4

Lost Password

Register

sensation
sensation
sensation
sensation