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Love and Relationships

SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?

woman

“I don’t hate you, darling. Here’s what’s going to happen. I’m going to continue to stand by your side and be here for you.” After sitting on my bed, swallowing tears and clapping while yelling, “Keep it together! Keep it together!” I responded with love rather than lashing out like my brain wanted me to.

“I don’t deserve you.” Was her response. In that moment, any normal person would have agreed and walked away right then and there. And maybe I would have if I were any “normal” person, but, I told her, “Let’s not talk about that right now. Getting through this is what matters.”

Not everyone will understand my dedication to her during all of this. I’m not expecting anyone to. This was rock bottom. This was something even I didn’t know if I could handle sticking around for. This thing that happened to my girl shaped her into this person completely unrecognizable to me. The girl that I met, that I knew and grew to love started to disappear right in front of me. But as I started to take a step back and really examine her, I noticed that that same girl that I met, knew and grew to love, was still very much present. The only difference was that she was trying to find peace in the midst of chaos. She was trying, in the only way she knew how, to accept what was going on and the fact that I was being affected by it. My heart shattered for her. Seeing her trying to be okay in the middle of all this pain is something I never wish anyone to witness when it comes to someone they love. All I could do was hold her hand and kiss her forehead. In reality, I wanted to sink inside her heart and absorb all of her pain. One look at her during all of this and I quickly realized she had become sacred to me. My love for her grew as well as my own self-awareness. She allowed me to sit in the dark with her while she bared her soul in front of my eyes. How could I leave her? When you come across someone who sees you for you rather than your situations, you learn what it means to fully trust and begin letting go of what’s always held you back.

“I can’t believe you’re still around. After everything you know about her and all she’s put you through!” That is the most common thing said to me. All I do is laugh. I’m not entirely sure how to respond to something like that (It’s a quite degrading comment towards my girl than what people probably realize).  Then they go on to compliment me by telling her that I’m a “Keeper!” News flash! She’s a keeper also. Something I’ve realized during all of this is how people are so quick to judge who others are based on their situations. The minute people hear of bad things others have done, they keep that image of them and hold them captive. There’s no redemption. My beautiful girl has been held captive her whole life, not only by other people, but herself as well because she’s used to how people portray her. Who is strong enough and willing to set her free? “I volunteer as tribute!” Why? Because people like her are the ones who break the most. People like her spend their whole life searching for someone to just simply love them for who they really are. People like her are the most misunderstood. But people like her have the most vicious strength to pull themselves back up and keep going.

God, the Universe, Gods and Goddesses. Whomever you shout your anger at, is well aware of the meaning of creating two souls who are meant for each other. All you have to do is not walk away the minute things get rough.

“Until we have seen someone’s darkness, we don’t really know who they are. Until we have forgiven someone’s darkness, we don’t really know what love is.”—Marianne Williamson.

“The couples that are “meant to be” are the ones who go through everything that is meant to tear them apart and come out stronger than they were before.”—Anonymous

I’m not entirely sure who wrote that last one, but both of these came to me not when we felt like all hope was lost, but rather, after the fact. Just to remind us that we were going to get through this regardless of what we felt would happen. And to tell us to love harder. To hold each other closer. To listen more carefully.  To understand better. To know patience when you have none left. And to stick together despite the screams around and inside of us, telling us to run. I have seen people go through hell to try and let go of their past. What I have never seen is someone so stubborn to realize they need to move on. But I have also never in my life been more proud of someone for overcoming something that was so painful to endure in the first place. I thought I was going to conquer life alone, but then I met her. She has become my best friend and partner in crime and there is no one I would rather have by my side.

Every day I wake up choosing her and only her and it’s always the best decision of my life.  Every day I am more and more proud of the woman she is becoming. Every day I am blessed to be the one who stands by her side. And every day I am amazed at the amount of strength this woman has after everything she’s been through. You think you know what it means to be strong? You should see my crazy Puerto Rican in action.

 

Author: Lauren Elizabeth
Email: blueflowerpoetry@gmail.com 
Author Bio: I am Lauren Elizabeth; poet, songwriter, and passionate lover from La Marque, Texas. I aim to challenge and question everything on my quest to decoding true love. Join me.
Link to social media: http://www.instagram.com/blueflowerprose

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