When turning 35 you are hit with a whole new set of rules and questions, posed both by society and that internal nagging voice.
Why aren’t you pregnant yet? Don’t you know fertility declines rapidly after the age of 35?
Why aren’t you earning more money, you are half way through your 30’s, surely you have an established and flourishing career by now?
Why are you still living with your Mum, is there something wrong with you?
Okay, so no one has said the last one to me, not out loud anyway. I turn 35 in April and I am quite honestly freaking out about it. Having pursued a creative path through my 20’s and quite frankly having a blast, I sort of forgot to plan for my 30’s. I am lucky in that I never smoked or drank that much, drinking happened more when I hit my 30’s, I used to exercise too in my 20’s and you know, not mind getting up in the morning.
Everyone said your 30’s are the best, you are still young enough to have fun but old enough to have that ever sought after self-confidence. In my 20’s I was living in the city, following my dream of being an actor, travelling and spending a lot of my student loan money on Fiji water from Selfridges. In my 30’s however, I am living in my 13-year-old bedroom, drinking tap water and wondering how I can afford a trip to Brighton for the day. What has gone wrong? I know these are very “Western problems” but they are problems none the less.
My friends are all lucky enough to come from either wealthy backgrounds or to have married into money. Which means they have been “gifted” a house from Mum and Dad or are fortunate enough to be able to afford to have children. I got a hamster last year, yes, at 34 I got a hamster.
I am loathed to blame the economy for my problems but I do think it plays a part. Back in my 20’s, I’m talking from 2002 onwards, I could get a job easily, and even acting jobs seemed a breeze. Now, I can’t even get jobs I’m not that bothered about. Ok, so I need things like Excel experience but until I get a job that involves using that, I can’t get the experience and a course costs hundreds of pounds.
I don’t put my age on my CV but I wonder if that factors into it. They see me at nearly 35 and think, she will want a baby soon. I think I would like a baby, I’m not 100% sure but apparently no one is.
I always thought I would travel more and have so many experiences before it happened but alas it is looking very unlikely. I do have a partner, we are engaged but cannot afford to marry, well we could do something cheap I guess, what every girl dreams of right?! I have been applying for jobs for a year now. I have had A LOT of interviews and all have said I was great but someone had more whatever than me. I am still trying; God loves a trier. He must really love me.
I know this sounds like a woe is me piece, but I honestly think too much pressure is put on women at this age, to have everything and be everything but ultimately you are left feeling like a failure if you don’t measure up. Social media fills us with envy and the media perpetuates this ideal of a woman in her 30’s.
What if I am living at home? What if I hate cooking and don’t know if I want kids? What if I felt happier when I was in my 20’s? Shouldn’t we hear from these women too, the ones who don’t fit in and are not sure if they even want to. I will keep working at my mediocre, badly paid office job and keep pushing for more. I have no option but to keep trying, no one is going to help me and in a way that will make the victory all the sweeter.
Author: Clare Coleman
Email: [email protected]
Author Bio: Writer, dreamer, living in the UK with the benefits of an Irish passport.
Link to Social Media: https://www.instagram.com/cococoleman/
